Friends comments about DH and I

[richele4]

Been with DH 20 years, I'm 35. Met him in Secondary school, along with my friend 'Lucy'. Lucy's always been close with DH and I, when we had DD1 at 17 I was with her when my waters broke and she was in the delivery room with me when I had DD. Married DH at 23 and Lucy was my maid of honour. I was maid of honour at both of her weddings. Had 2DS and Lucy is godmother to both. Just to give insight into how close and long our friendship is.

Today I told Lucy that I'm pregnant with DD2 and she was excited as she's also pregnant with her DH who she's been with for 4 years. However she made comments and I just want to know if IABU to be upset/pissed off or who to be upset/pissed off at.

• "I'm always surprised that you and DH are still together, he's probably starting to get bored of the same old thing"
• "You better watch your weight gain this pregnancy, like I have been, you already look bigger than the first 3 pregnancies and you don't want your DH's eye wandering any more than it already will be"
• "It's impressive that after this long he still wants to have sex with you. It's got to be quite boring for him now"
• "He's looking good for his age, I'm sure younger women are interested in him, you should be careful"

I just awkwardly laughed them off but I am a bit upset that my friend of 20 years would say these things. I haven't told DH. I've never said anything to Lucy that would suggest DH and I are 'bored' because I definitely don't feel that way. Do you think my DH could have said something to Lucy's DH (because they are friends and he regularly goes out with her DH) and Lucy's DH could have said it to Lucy and that's why she's saying it to me? I'm not sure what to think

Lucy ➡️ 🗑

Why don't you ask her what she means? If she's a good friend (and you think she is) then I'd think she was hinting around about your DH being unhappy or being flirty with someone else. Either that or she's projecting because she's worried about how to maintain a marriage.

Next time she says something, me, I would have to smile coyly, and say (conspiratorially) “actually things are really H.O.T between us and just seem to get better and better”, pause, then smile and wink at her.

After another pause for effect, I would say “anyway, your comment is a bit rude don’t you think?”

Then ask how things are for her (while monitoring her facial expression!)

Send her a message and say "been thinking about what your were saying earlier, do you need to get something off your chest about DH?" or something along those lines. Only she knows what she meant so there's no point in trying to guess.

Wow....I get that she is being "brutally honest" but Jeeeesus that's just downright rude. No need at all for those comments. She sounds like she has got a touch of the green eyed monster if you ask me. Ignore her x

Woah!! What a bloody bitch!!! Her and not you obviously!

Don't be bogged down by the sunk cost fallacy of your long friendship now that she is tearing into you. She is one nasty mare.

She's a bitch

Also, it should be "about DH and me"

If this is unusual for her, then I think she's trying to warn you about someone, or something she's seen.

Someone’s jealous of you!

Or indeed her own fears about her DH.

Lucy is into your DH

There is being brutally honest ('you look awful in that dress' 'gawd your breath stinks') and there is being an utter cow ('not sure how your dh still wants to sleep with you')
Nasty, nasty person. You should talk to her about it - if she is such a good friend she will be mortified.

The next time she says a snide comment, call her on it.

As others have said I reckon she's projecting, or jealous, or has a thing for your husband. My vote would go for projecting though.

She sounds jelous or has a terribly sarcastic sense of humour. Either way don't let her hurt you. All the years you have been together. I think plenty of men want the women they are with and love her for the journey they have been on and the love they feel. Not all men want to bed a young flawless women and throw away the family they have. Just say to your friend why do you think I'm pregnant again.

Ask yourself why your friend is trying to make you feel like your not enough for your husband. Why does she think he's bored of you? Why does she not think it would work both ways around? Id tell your husband. She sounds a cow!

The pregnancy may have ramped things up for her and she might now be feeling quite insecure as well as having all the extra hormones.

I think she is projecting her own insecurities.

I think she’s got a thing for your DH.

I don't condone violence but Lucy needs a fucking slap.

Wow what a shot across your bows that lot was. I read this as she's giving you fair warning that she's coming for your man and setting out the ground work for doubt to creep to upset your applecart. You need to protect your nest and actually stop feeding the beast any information about your relationship. Also warn your DH about this weird incident his reaction will let you know how his land lies

I think she’s annoyed she doesn’t have this pregnancy to herself, she wanted to be the special one not have you having another baby shortly after.

Not that it matters, no excuse for the bitchiness

There's a certain type of person that thinks they can boost themselves up by puting others down. I've met a few of them in my time and feel sorry for them (in the sense that they are sad and pathetic) but not enough to give them headspace or my ongoing friendship. She sounds like one of them. Distance yourself. Negative people are highly infectious.

I think she is projecting her own insecurities.

This.

In isolation, I might let one or 2 of those comments together, but not together.

Bye bye Lucy.

She fancies your dh