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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends comments about DH and I

156 replies

richele4 · 15/02/2020 19:01

Been with DH 20 years, I'm 35. Met him in Secondary school, along with my friend 'Lucy'. Lucy's always been close with DH and I, when we had DD1 at 17 I was with her when my waters broke and she was in the delivery room with me when I had DD. Married DH at 23 and Lucy was my maid of honour. I was maid of honour at both of her weddings. Had 2DS and Lucy is godmother to both. Just to give insight into how close and long our friendship is.

Today I told Lucy that I'm pregnant with DD2 and she was excited as she's also pregnant with her DH who she's been with for 4 years. However she made comments and I just want to know if IABU to be upset/pissed off or who to be upset/pissed off at.

  • "I'm always surprised that you and DH are still together, he's probably starting to get bored of the same old thing"
  • "You better watch your weight gain this pregnancy, like I have been, you already look bigger than the first 3 pregnancies and you don't want your DH's eye wandering any more than it already will be"
  • "It's impressive that after this long he still wants to have sex with you. It's got to be quite boring for him now"
  • "He's looking good for his age, I'm sure younger women are interested in him, you should be careful"

I just awkwardly laughed them off but I am a bit upset that my friend of 20 years would say these things. I haven't told DH. I've never said anything to Lucy that would suggest DH and I are 'bored' because I definitely don't feel that way. Do you think my DH could have said something to Lucy's DH (because they are friends and he regularly goes out with her DH) and Lucy's DH could have said it to Lucy and that's why she's saying it to me? I'm not sure what to think

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 15/02/2020 22:01

I'm guessing she's been envious this entire time and consoled herself with the delusion that your DH was only with you because of DD1, that he was probably shagging about, didn't love you anymore, sexless marriage etc etc.

Now that you and DH are happily adding to your family, her toxic delusion has been blown apart and she's melting down. She's trying to plant doubts in your mind to spoil it all for you.

I'd ditch her. Pronto.

Pumpkinpie1 · 15/02/2020 22:08

Just because you’ve known her a long time doesn’t mean she’s a good friend or a nice person.
It sounds like she’s jealous
What a b!!!,!,

simplekindoflife · 15/02/2020 22:25

Ok Lucy is being a bitch but she's got a right bee in her bonnet about his "wandering eye". It would set off alarm bells for me. Is she trying to tell you something?

I'd dig a little deeper. Tell her how you feel about those comments and ask her if there's anything she wants to tell you.

SmellyBeard · 15/02/2020 22:34

Could she be projecting her own fears about putting weight on during pregnancy and becoming boring and unattractive to her DH?

OntheWaves40 · 15/02/2020 22:42

I think she’s projecting her own insecurities and sounding you out whether you feel the same. Just be honest back with her, if you have that kind of friendship why didn’t you just pull her up on it at the time?

Ouchaheadinmybehind · 15/02/2020 22:57

Usually when people say things like this it is more to do with how they feel than anyone else

Totally. She pregnant and, due to previous husbands roving eye, is feeling insecure and worried her DH will think she will become overweight/boring...she is desperately hoping you will reassure her “oh don’t be daft, DH loves it when I’m pregnant...can’t keep his hands off me” OR he is terrified sex will hurt the baby so isn’t going near her and she is thinking the worst so looking for reassurance?

Do you think my DH could have said something to Lucy's DH
No, not at all. This is all her insecurities that are screaming in her head.

Electrical · 16/02/2020 00:19

She’s scum. Imagine how much of a scumbag your have to be to actively think about someone’s body and sex life and then choose to voice your worthless, nasty thoughts on the subject! If you choose to inflict her scummy presence on yourself again, tell her to fuck up, tell her she’s humiliating herself and laugh at her, act fake concerned about why exactly she’s thinking of your husband sexually, does she need some psychiatric help? Laugh at her behavioural choices and say ‘yeah, let’s just not.’ re. future meet-ups. Then block her.

RUSU92 · 16/02/2020 00:31

I'd be worried it was a warning and that her DH has told her something.

I wouldn't automatically write it off as being bitchy or passive aggressive. There's every chance that it IS, but in case its actually a badly veiled attempt at hinting something's happened, I'd try and keep calm and controlled with her for now.

Allusernamesalreadyused · 16/02/2020 00:50

She fancies your husband and is jealous you are pregnant as that means you're still having sex. Jealous jealous witchEnvy

Incontinencesucks · 16/02/2020 03:10

She sounds very insecure, however perhaps just more related to now? Otherwise why leave your 4 do with her for 5 days? You don't do that with nasty people, nor do they usually offer so you can holiday with your dh.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 16/02/2020 04:03

I think it's most likely she is insecure about her own relationship and is projecting.

I do this you need to have a word to her about her comments though as they are not nice.

CassidyStone · 16/02/2020 04:25

She's jealous. Call her out on it.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 16/02/2020 04:49

100% jealousy and insecurity.

Friendsofmine · 16/02/2020 07:08

I'd be worried she doesn't know how to tell you she suspects DH is having an affair. She might not be as able to tell it like it is about that!

Either that or not a friend at all and just jealous.

Ponoka7 · 16/02/2020 07:26

You need to challenge what she is saying if it happens again.

I'm wondering if her DH has deflected her possible suspicion about him, onto your DH. Even if so, she gone about saying something in a horrible way.

If you challenge her, it might all come out.

Billben · 16/02/2020 07:38

Could she have stayed friends with YOU this long simply because deep down she would like to be with your DH? How is her marriage? Could she have married only 4 years ago because she was hoping you and your DH would have broken up by then and she could have had him?

Nevertheless, I have the tendency to pull people up on their shit and there is no way I’d let her get away with comments like these.

SallyWD · 16/02/2020 07:51

My first thought is she's jealous, she fancies him.

ivykaty44 · 16/02/2020 07:51

I think there’s something more to Lucy’s comments, I’d presume Lucy knows something.

That’s only my feelings on it and I could be way off the mark

Longtalljosie · 16/02/2020 07:54

I absolutely do not think your DH said something to Lucy’s DH. I absolutely do think Lucy’s marriage is less than ideal and she’s jealous of you and so trying to make you feel like shit.

TheGirlWithAPrince · 16/02/2020 07:58

Yepp definite jealousy

malificent7 · 16/02/2020 08:11

She fancies him.

Whocutdownthecherrytree · 16/02/2020 08:20

She’s a bitch

cunningartificer · 16/02/2020 08:23

I suspect Lucy has pigeonholed you as the dull domestic one and herself as the sexy attractive friend. She is irritated that a) your husband is attractive and attracted to you b) you’re pregnant when she is because it disrupts the interior narrative of “I’m glad that I haven’t been with the same person all through because I have an attractive DH and a new baby to look forward to instead “. How very dare you.

But she’s not your friend. Friends don’t say that kind of thing.

needadvicethankyouplease · 16/02/2020 08:44

She's either jealous or dropping hints he's not the man you think he is.

Member869894 · 16/02/2020 08:56

I dont get this. If you're such good friends and have a ' tell it like it is relationship' why don't you sit down and ask her why she is making comments that, by any standards, are mean.? I can understand that at the time you were taken aback but no reason not to talk about it now. She sounds jealous and unhappy but no reason not to at least try to put your long friendship back on track. Be kind. Even if she isn't.

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