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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to leave a 10 and 8 year old home alone?

136 replies

Cloglover · 15/02/2020 12:26

Just recently turned 10 and 8. The 10 year old is allowed to walk to their friends house or the shop independently, and I leave him alone in the house some mornings for 15 mins whilst I take my daughter to school if his dad has already gone to work. He has a phone and I take my phone so I am easily contactable. He's trustworthy and I feel comfortable with his current level of independence.

The 8 year old is allowed to go to the local shop alone (10 doors down - no roads to cross) to get sweets. I wouldn't leave her alone in the house beyond going to the shop myself for milk, tho not actually sure I've ever done it!

I will need to nip out for 30 mins with their dad at 5.30 in a couple of weeks, just down the road for a quick meeting. I know he'll suggest getting his mum to watch them, (lives other side of town so 30 mins there and back to pick her up and then 30 mins to dip her off and get home) or us take them to his mums, come back to our side of town for the meeting and then pick them up. All of which I have happily done for the last 10 years! But are we now at a stage where we could just leave them for half an hour and save the faff? We all have phones and the meeting is a 10 min walk/3 min drive away.

Is it just a bit too young? I feel OK about the 10 year old but leaving an 8 year old in his care too? Even tho it will only be late afternoon/early evening it will most prob be dark.

I know they'll behave as they would love the chance to be home alone. I imagine all they will do is play Minecraft! Possibly the 8 year old will take the opportunity to raid the sweet cupboard, a which I'm OK with!

The laws on leaving children are so wishy washy too so they can't provide me with a benchmark!

I would be grateful for your views, experiences. Thanks x

OP posts:
OntheWaves40 · 15/02/2020 12:29

I’d be more concerned about an 8 year old having a phone.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 15/02/2020 12:34

I wouldn't leave the ten year old let alone an eight year old and certainly not the two together! Do you both have to go to the meeting or could one go and feed back to the other?

runwithme · 15/02/2020 12:35

I have an 11 year old who has been on his own at home since the age of 10, for 1 or 2 hours, a couple of times a week. My 8 year old isn't, but if I need to nip to a local shop, probably 10 mins total then I would occasionally do it but I would make sure they are engrossed in something before I go. 30 mins, maybe not so but they have a tendency to argue, A LOT! But if they didnt, then I'd probably do it, with assurances that the 11 year old will call if he needs me.

runwithme · 15/02/2020 12:37

You would also need to factor in the possibility of the meeting overrunning, and not being able to take calls during the meeting. Although if dc called then it would probably be an emergency and you'd be taking that call anyway!

Sparkle567 · 15/02/2020 12:41

I think 8 is far to young to be left.

Original poster
Cloglover · 15/02/2020 12:46

@OntheWaves40

Very helpful. Thanks.

She only uses it to play Minecraft and she WhatsApps her family so please don't worry on her behalf.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cloglover · 15/02/2020 12:46

Everyone else - very helpful perspectives. Thank you.

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 15/02/2020 12:47

I think it really depends on the maturity if each of them and how they behave together.

If they are generally sensible, not given to silly behaviour, fights, panicking etc and they have a way of contacting you should they need to, then I don't think it's unreasonable to ASK them both if they'd be comfortable with it. They may not be.

If however, either is likely to be silly, argue/fight, worry/panic.. then no.

Bagofoldbones · 15/02/2020 12:48

No chance. If anything breaks down in the house they are toast. What if you are stuck in traffic on the way back?

Babycrackers · 15/02/2020 12:48

Would they be likely to argue? My child is nearly 9 but hasn't really been left but more because they get scared and don't feel ready. I would leave the 10 year old but possibly not the 8 year old!

CrikeyYouDontWasteTime · 15/02/2020 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosebel · 15/02/2020 12:52

I think you'd be fine leaving your 10 year old but it's a big ask for them to be responsible for an 8 year old. Would it be possible for your 8 year old to go to a friend or neighbour to save driving across town? Also depends if they'd be happy being at home when it's dark, my 11 year old won't stay home alone when it starts getting dark.

BluebellCockleshell123 · 15/02/2020 12:52

It sounds like they have already coped well with the small amounts of independence that you’ve allowed them so far.

As long as they are not likely to argue, know how to contact you and would obey strict instructions not to answer the door then I would be happy in your position to leave them for half an hour.

Nix32 · 15/02/2020 12:53

I would.

gamerwidow · 15/02/2020 12:55

If they will be sensible and not argue and know not to mess with the fire or oven then I think they would be OK.
I left my DD9 at home for 30 minutes recently to go to a GP appointment. Like your 8yo she goes to the local shop by herself and is also allowed to play out with her friends so was comfortable to be left. I made sure she knew how to phone me from the house phone and I could have been back in 5 minutes if there was a problem. I gave her the choice before I left and would have taken her with me if she felt uncomfortable.

PuppyMonkey · 15/02/2020 12:55

Oh, I’m usually the only one on these threads saying no, don’t do it. Glad others have reservations on this one.Grin

What sort of meeting is it? Could you take the kids along, they can sit in reception or whatever?

MunaZaldrizoti · 15/02/2020 12:56

When I was 11, I used to take a bus across town to pick up my 6 year old brother from school and take him home. We all had to scrap together to make things work because my mum worked all hours to keep us afloat

MunaZaldrizoti · 15/02/2020 12:57

Half an hour seems a doddle is my point

anicebag · 15/02/2020 12:58

For me, its a bit young and a bit long if traffic is bad. I understand the lack of guidelines is only useful if nothing goes wrong, but if something went wrong you'd be hung out to dry.

Good for you with all the other freedom you give them. I wish I could shake my anxieties about independent activities out of the house. I'm great in some ways with the freedom I give mine and crap in others.

crimsonlake · 15/02/2020 12:58

No, never did or would have at those ages. Agree they could get frightened and or fall out with each other. It is not worth the worry or the risk.

Nanny0gg · 15/02/2020 12:59

Invite MiL over for tea or lunch or whatever to make the trip worthwhile.

I wouldn't leave at that age

EskSmith · 15/02/2020 13:00

It's not fair to leave your 10 year old in charge of your 8 year old, however sensible. If you wouldn't leave her alone then you can't leave her with her brother. You need to find childcare, no matter how inconvenient. Does she not have anywhere she could go on a playdate?

Delbelleber · 15/02/2020 13:02

I would leave them.

WindFlower92 · 15/02/2020 13:02

Surely the 8 year old going out alone is 'worse' than staying in?

CrocodilesCry · 15/02/2020 13:02

My DM used to leave me and my DB at his age (I'm the oldest) and DB used to play up and terrorise me.
I wouldn't personally.