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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to leave a 10 and 8 year old home alone?

136 replies

Cloglover · 15/02/2020 12:26

Just recently turned 10 and 8. The 10 year old is allowed to walk to their friends house or the shop independently, and I leave him alone in the house some mornings for 15 mins whilst I take my daughter to school if his dad has already gone to work. He has a phone and I take my phone so I am easily contactable. He's trustworthy and I feel comfortable with his current level of independence.

The 8 year old is allowed to go to the local shop alone (10 doors down - no roads to cross) to get sweets. I wouldn't leave her alone in the house beyond going to the shop myself for milk, tho not actually sure I've ever done it!

I will need to nip out for 30 mins with their dad at 5.30 in a couple of weeks, just down the road for a quick meeting. I know he'll suggest getting his mum to watch them, (lives other side of town so 30 mins there and back to pick her up and then 30 mins to dip her off and get home) or us take them to his mums, come back to our side of town for the meeting and then pick them up. All of which I have happily done for the last 10 years! But are we now at a stage where we could just leave them for half an hour and save the faff? We all have phones and the meeting is a 10 min walk/3 min drive away.

Is it just a bit too young? I feel OK about the 10 year old but leaving an 8 year old in his care too? Even tho it will only be late afternoon/early evening it will most prob be dark.

I know they'll behave as they would love the chance to be home alone. I imagine all they will do is play Minecraft! Possibly the 8 year old will take the opportunity to raid the sweet cupboard, a which I'm OK with!

The laws on leaving children are so wishy washy too so they can't provide me with a benchmark!

I would be grateful for your views, experiences. Thanks x

OP posts:
Original poster
Cloglover · 15/02/2020 13:33

@Bringringbring
Hahahahaha

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 15/02/2020 13:35

No I wouldn’t yet. I’d say another 2yrs personally

QuixoticQuokka · 15/02/2020 13:35

I first left my DC home alone at age 8, for up to two hours at 9, for the occasional inset day at 10.

I would leave an 8 and 10 year old, but only if I was ready to leave the 8 year old on their own, not with one child responsible for the other.

Original poster
Cloglover · 15/02/2020 13:36

@Drum2018

We have options, that's not the issue. It's not an issue of childcare or desperation.

It's more a question of when they are ready to be left. They would love it and I trust them. It's whether I'm BU. X

OP posts:
Wineiscooling · 15/02/2020 13:36

I have a 12 year old and 8 year old and never leave the two alone even for 5 minute if I'm dropping my husband off somewhere or vice versa. I just couldn't live with myself if something went wrong and think it's too much responsibility for the 12 year old.
Having said that I'm not sure what age I will leave the 2 home alone. My friend has been leaving her 2 similar age for 30 minutes for quite some time now with no issues.

Papiermachecat · 15/02/2020 13:37

I think 8 is too young.
Also I wouldn't leave two children together. Worse than one left alone as far more likely to fight argue hurt each other or get up to mischief.
I'm a teacher and I wouldn't leave kids alone for 30 mins. 5/ 10 mins then check. They could burn place down.
Children by definition have no adult sense. That's why they need adult supervision.

Sally872 · 15/02/2020 13:39

Will you be able to concentrate at meeting if it is the first time leaving them alone together? Might make the hassle of dropping at grans worthwhile. But other than that I would leave them if you know they are sensible enough not to use the cooker etc.

SonjaMorgan · 15/02/2020 13:40

I used to so I could go out on a run. The older DC was never in charge though and they were told to never answer the door, make drinks or food etc. I would be gone for 30-60 mins and I never had an issue. My parents left me home alone from the age of 6 and apart from prank calling people I was always safe and out of trouble.

Sally872 · 15/02/2020 13:45

For all those with siblings that fight are they likely to hurt each other so badly it cant be dealt with when you return?

Me and by sibling fought but it was mainly rage and one chasing the other to the bathroom and arguing through the door. If you hit the other too hard you felt awful (and worried about parents reaction) so would quickly apologise and start offering all my worldly goods if they dont tell mum!

If one of them has a mean streak or one is especially sensitive/easily walked over I wouldn't leave them. But most siblings love each other and fights are not that bad and quickly forgotten.

WeeMadArthur · 15/02/2020 13:47

I think it’s too young for both of them to be left, can you not take them with you and they can sit outside the room playing on their phones or reading a book?

Mynamenotaccepted · 15/02/2020 13:47

I was a latchkey kid from the age of 5 (mother buggered off dad had no choice) Spent school holidays on my own.
I left my DC's on their own at 6, 9 and ten, mind you I was a midwife working very locally and dropped in on a very regular basis. They were fine, also had lovely neighbours.

Lippy1234 · 15/02/2020 13:51

I started to leave mine for brief periods when they were in year 6.
I think an 8 year old is too young to be left with a 10 year old.

Daisy12Maisie · 15/02/2020 13:51

Mine are 11 and 13 and they are more sensible than most adults. I leave them alone and they are fine. I actually think it is irresponsible to never leave them alone at all before secondary school because otherwise it will be a massive shock. I think maybe 8 is too young but definitely from 10 onwards because at 11 they need to be used to it if they are going to school and back on their own and potentially being left in the house for a couple of hrs until parents get home.

MillicentMartha · 15/02/2020 13:52

I did this, ie popped to the shop for 15 minutes when DS3 was 8, but DS1 was 13 and built up from there. The NSPCC guidelines seem a bit extreme to me. DS1 would babysit for me for an evening from age 15. Would have been earlier but with both DS2 and 3 to look after that seemed about right.

Original poster
Cloglover · 15/02/2020 13:52

Yes I would be able to concentrate.

Traffic wouldn't be an issue.

30 mins is Conservative. It could be as little as 20 mins. If we got there and it was over running one of us could leave and be home in 5 mins.

It seems like a good opportunity to give them some independence. The life we lead, most of the little bits of independence they have has to be proactively given rather than reactive. Their schools are too far to let them walk themselves, theres a lot of antisocial behaviour in the local parks so can't really go there independently and many friends are rather spaced out due to large catchment. I don't suddenly want to get to next year and he has this massive step up of independence (ie getting to and from high school) without a bit of a build up.

The 8 year old is very sensible. She doesn't really require looking after or supervision - she just needs company really!

OP posts:
MissDollyMix · 15/02/2020 13:53

You know your kids. I personally think it sounds fine.

SeaToSki · 15/02/2020 13:54

When I have left mine home together, similar ages, I tell them that when I get back they are each going to give the other a score out of ten. If the total score is 18 or above then they will both get a treat. It works very well to manage potential bickering as they are ‘in it together’ rather than one being the boss and the other being annoyed that they are being told what to to by a sibling. I also am very careful to make sure that they both have something to do that is engrossing and unlikely to cause friction.

reginafelangee · 15/02/2020 13:54

10 year old fine. I'd be a wee bit nervous of the 8 yr old but it depends on the 8 yr old.

Make sure they know what to do in an emergency and have a plan for being late.

DamnItsSevenAM · 15/02/2020 13:54

I think it's fine for a brief period. If you're gone half an hour in total I would do it. If ir would be more like an hour I wouldn't, unless the children were very sensible ones that you knew would not get into any difficulties.

GabsAlot · 15/02/2020 13:54

up to you isnt it at the end of the day if anything happens its youre responsibility

DramaAlpaca · 15/02/2020 13:57

For me, 10 & 8 is too young. Another two years, no problem. I know I'd not have felt comfortable leaving mine at that age.

Original poster
Cloglover · 15/02/2020 13:58

@SeaToSki
That is genius. I will deffo do this in future.

OP posts:
GeorginaRosa · 15/02/2020 14:00

I have an 8 and 10 yr old. I wouldn't leave either of them alone. Do you not think about things like if there was a fire?

Original poster
Cloglover · 15/02/2020 14:01

@reginafelangee
This is it. I'm a wee bit nervous about leaving the 8 year old but I don't know if it's just because I feel she is a bit too young or just because it would be the first time. I can't imagine her being any more or less sensible in the next couple of years as she hasn't really changed in the last couple of years which is why I'm really seriously debating it!

OP posts:
KittenVsBox · 15/02/2020 14:02

I leave my 10 year old for upto 90 mins (can be less depending on what time DH gets back from work).
I will also occasionally leave my 8 year old for 20 mins if his older brother needs collecting, and he doesn't want to come out again.
I'm not sure I'd leave them together.

The NSPCC guidance for under 12s is not for extended periods. I wouldnt call 30 mins an extended period.