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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to leave a 10 and 8 year old home alone?

136 replies

Cloglover · 15/02/2020 12:26

Just recently turned 10 and 8. The 10 year old is allowed to walk to their friends house or the shop independently, and I leave him alone in the house some mornings for 15 mins whilst I take my daughter to school if his dad has already gone to work. He has a phone and I take my phone so I am easily contactable. He's trustworthy and I feel comfortable with his current level of independence.

The 8 year old is allowed to go to the local shop alone (10 doors down - no roads to cross) to get sweets. I wouldn't leave her alone in the house beyond going to the shop myself for milk, tho not actually sure I've ever done it!

I will need to nip out for 30 mins with their dad at 5.30 in a couple of weeks, just down the road for a quick meeting. I know he'll suggest getting his mum to watch them, (lives other side of town so 30 mins there and back to pick her up and then 30 mins to dip her off and get home) or us take them to his mums, come back to our side of town for the meeting and then pick them up. All of which I have happily done for the last 10 years! But are we now at a stage where we could just leave them for half an hour and save the faff? We all have phones and the meeting is a 10 min walk/3 min drive away.

Is it just a bit too young? I feel OK about the 10 year old but leaving an 8 year old in his care too? Even tho it will only be late afternoon/early evening it will most prob be dark.

I know they'll behave as they would love the chance to be home alone. I imagine all they will do is play Minecraft! Possibly the 8 year old will take the opportunity to raid the sweet cupboard, a which I'm OK with!

The laws on leaving children are so wishy washy too so they can't provide me with a benchmark!

I would be grateful for your views, experiences. Thanks x

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 15/02/2020 14:50

@myself2020 wtf? A almost 7 Yr old alone? So 6 year old, why would you do that? Just take them with you!

HellsBills · 15/02/2020 14:52

I have the same aged children, 10 & 8. I've left them for 30 mins. They get on ok, they know how to use the landline, we have a great relationship with next door neighbour (with similar aged kids) who they'd call upon if needed. I think it depends on so many variables though ie do the kids get on, what are the neighbours like etc etc I'd never have left them in our old house (long street in a city) but here, small village everyone knows them, it feels completely different.

safariboot · 15/02/2020 14:55

I think I wouldn't. One sensible 10 yo I might leave alone. But with two, you're basically asking the 10 yo to babysit the 8 yo. It's a lot more responsibility.

Being out in a reasonably busy town is safer than being at home alone I think. People can help in public, at home you're really on your own.

whatsleep · 15/02/2020 14:57

They sound sensible and already have some independence. As long as they know what to do in an emergency (leave the house if there’s a fire etc). When I first left my dd I let my Neigbour know incase she needed her. My rule was you don’t answer the door to anyone and don’t cook anything while your home alone. Like you say they will probably play on Minecraft the whole time anyway!

BrieAndChilli · 15/02/2020 15:03

Mine are 9, 11 and 13.
The older 2 come home from school twice a week and are home a Lomé for a couple of hours and also in school holidays will spend the day home alone.
I leave the youngest with one of the other 2 if I need to pop out for an hour.

The older 2 have mobiles and they all know how to use the landline and which speed dials are me and DH.
They have all done scouts/cubs/beavers so have learnt first aid skills, survival skills, cooking, and things like fire safety.

Eldest will already stick to the rules and the the middle is very good at problem solving and practical stuff. The youngest behaves as he knows if he doesn’t he will have to start being dragged at with me again instead of staying home on electronics for an hour!
They know the rules like don’t answer the door, don’t go on the trampoline, don’t use the oven or hob, don’t have a bath etc

PleaseShare · 15/02/2020 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

calllaaalllaaammma · 15/02/2020 15:17

I'm a single mum and had to go to work before my 11yr old went to school.
He got anxious about it and wouldn't be left alone and so I paid the woman from the local shop to come round for an hour. After 6 months he was fine.
I think it depends on your child.

HellsBills · 15/02/2020 15:37

@pleaseshare that's really interesting. Why is that? I ask as it's not illegal and in many cases (ie for less than half hour in the circumstances many of us have described above) not at all dangerous. Primary school policy is that yr 5s can walk home alone so how is walking home alone safer than actually being at home alone for a short time.

Persu · 15/02/2020 15:40

I know this is a horrible thing to consider, but my friend was abused by her brother when their parents left them alone in the house - he was 2 years' older and it started when she was around 7/8.

HaileySherman · 15/02/2020 15:48

Totally reasonable. It's a half hour. No meals need being prepared or cooked. You're close by and accessible. It's a great jump off point to see how they do. Just go over some safety rules....emergency numbers in case of fire, accident or whatever. I think it's absolutely fine.

bloodywhitecat · 15/02/2020 15:49

I wouldn't because I think it is unreasonable to put that level of responsibility on a 10 year old.

myself2020 · 15/02/2020 16:09

@bobstersmum why would i take him with you? in most european countries he would be expected to walk himself to school and back. he can call us, there are neighbours on both sides who are always in. and he is sensible

SpanishFly · 15/02/2020 16:36

It isn't a 10yo's job to be responsible for an 8yo. So no way.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 15/02/2020 16:42

I don't see anything wrong with this. It's for half an hour to an hour.

At what age do children magically turn in to responsible humans that can be left alone?

10 is fine. An 8 year old with a 10 year old is fine for a couple of hours, depending on how mature and responsible they are.

That said, I am going to echo some PP and say the 8 year old is too young for a phone. Sorry.

JRUIN · 15/02/2020 16:53

If they get on well together and you'll sure they'll behave, they have their nan's phone number and preferably a close neighbours number too I think leaving them for half an hour would be fine OP. I wouldn't have left mine any longer than that though, even though I was out for hours on end with my older brother at that age!

DonKeyshot · 15/02/2020 17:12

Your dc are far too young to be left home alone and I'm amazed that anyone can think it's acceptable to have a 10 year old to babysit an 8 year old while their dps are out of sight, out of earshot, and not readily available in an emergency.

If anything untoward happened you'd a) never forgive yourself and b) could find yourself and your dh charged with child neglect or abandonment - and if this came to pass you can put money on being pilloried by the self-same people who are encouraging you here to believe that your proposed folly falls within the bounds of responsible parenting.

Don't do it, OP. It's simply not worth the risk.

Moknicker · 15/02/2020 17:19

I woud and have done it with my 10 and 9 year old.

Glitterblue · 15/02/2020 17:40

My 9 year old's best friend who's also 9 goes home from school alone every night and is alone until 6pm. I wouldn't do it but some do.

Lindy2 · 15/02/2020 17:54

Half an hour is fine in my opinion if they are sensible and have a neighbour they could go to if there's a problem.

At 11 many children are making their own way to Secondary school on public transport. Age 10 seems a sensible age to start to increase responsibility.

hopefulhalf · 15/02/2020 18:12

I left y6 and yr3 home together before or after school for an hour to an hour and a half. It wasn't ideal but there wasn't really much option.

Nowayorhighway · 15/02/2020 18:27

Yup, my almost 10 year old stays home alone every so often when he doesn’t want to come to the shop. He’s mature and sensible so I trust him, nothing will happen. He knows not to answer the door and how to escape if there’s every a random fire.

TheSoapyFrog · 15/02/2020 18:32

What's the plan if you get involved in a car accident or something and the kids are left alone for longer? Do they know to call someone if you're not back by a certain time?
Are the neighbours friendly?
I might be over cautious about it and I can't imagine leaving my boys together at that age. But based on everything else you've said, it seems like it might be worth a go.

Jenpop234 · 15/02/2020 18:33

People on here are nuts. Typical helicopter parents. They'll be fine for half an hour. Contrary to a previous post, the Nspcc says kids under 12 can be left alone for short periods. I'm a primary teacher and most of my year 6s walk home. Half of those are then alone for another half hour to an hour before their parents get back. Teach them who to call if there's an emergency. What not to ever do etc. They'll be fine.

Rezie · 15/02/2020 18:33

I'm from northern Europe and this is something that everyone does. It is expected that kids over the age of 7 get them selves to and back from school. I've noticed that in the UK kids tend to be much older when left home alone and therefore with those ages they are considered too young. But I think it is fine.

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