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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to leave a 10 and 8 year old home alone?

136 replies

Cloglover · 15/02/2020 12:26

Just recently turned 10 and 8. The 10 year old is allowed to walk to their friends house or the shop independently, and I leave him alone in the house some mornings for 15 mins whilst I take my daughter to school if his dad has already gone to work. He has a phone and I take my phone so I am easily contactable. He's trustworthy and I feel comfortable with his current level of independence.

The 8 year old is allowed to go to the local shop alone (10 doors down - no roads to cross) to get sweets. I wouldn't leave her alone in the house beyond going to the shop myself for milk, tho not actually sure I've ever done it!

I will need to nip out for 30 mins with their dad at 5.30 in a couple of weeks, just down the road for a quick meeting. I know he'll suggest getting his mum to watch them, (lives other side of town so 30 mins there and back to pick her up and then 30 mins to dip her off and get home) or us take them to his mums, come back to our side of town for the meeting and then pick them up. All of which I have happily done for the last 10 years! But are we now at a stage where we could just leave them for half an hour and save the faff? We all have phones and the meeting is a 10 min walk/3 min drive away.

Is it just a bit too young? I feel OK about the 10 year old but leaving an 8 year old in his care too? Even tho it will only be late afternoon/early evening it will most prob be dark.

I know they'll behave as they would love the chance to be home alone. I imagine all they will do is play Minecraft! Possibly the 8 year old will take the opportunity to raid the sweet cupboard, a which I'm OK with!

The laws on leaving children are so wishy washy too so they can't provide me with a benchmark!

I would be grateful for your views, experiences. Thanks x

OP posts:
Original poster
Cloglover · 15/02/2020 14:04

I really appreciate all your replies. I was quite nervous about posting as it's just one of those emotive things. But genuinely, everything is resonating with me, the yays and nays. I would never leave them without owning my decision, whenever that might be. X

OP posts:
TulipCat · 15/02/2020 14:05

I would leave them, I think it's fine.

haba · 15/02/2020 14:07

I think if you have sensible children that get along well, they'll be absolutely fine. Just make sure they know what steps to take if there was an emergency (e.g. a fire- just get out, then call for help). My 14yo is so sensible I could have left her with her brother at these ages, no question. They never ever have fought one another, a mild disagreement is the worst they have- they're usually united against me! Smile
My DS is 10, and can be left now for some time. He asks me to let him stay home doing his own thing whilst I go to the supermarket, about an hour or so. He is usually surprised when I get back by how quick it's been.
Half an hour isn't very long really.

2anddone · 15/02/2020 14:09

Not read the full thread so not sure if I am repeating myself!! You could leave them, I left mine from 10 for half hour on their own. But make sure they know the rules (no cooking, answering door etc) and just make sure you realise that even though there is no law for what age you can leave your children home alone if anything was to happen you could get arrested for neglect or worse! Not trying to talk you out of it just letting you know about the law as you said you wasn't sure!

haba · 15/02/2020 14:09

As someone upthread said- in September, the 10yo is going to have to travel independently to school miles away across a city, spend all day there, then make their own way back!
Half an hour at home in their own environment is really fine.

tomatoesandstew · 15/02/2020 14:10

30 odd years ago for a few years my mum went to work and would be back home about 4.30 - five ish ish.
My 8 tear old self and 10 year old brother were latch key kids from finish school at that point till she came home or we did after school activities on some nights.
We were both reasonably sensible and no harm ever came to it. We did live on a street where we new several of our neighbours.

The laws are deliberately wishywashy on this. Leaving alone doesn't automatically equal negligence.
I think if you look at whether they seem responsible. Whether they have emergency contacts who could come quickly and look at how you prepared them - i would consider that enough.
Saying that my dad was brought up in the 50s and during holidays. kids from 5-11 would buy an all day ticket and range all over the london bus network - but they sound quite geeky and their favourite thing to do was to go to the bus depot and look at the buses!

I think we should be teaching our kids to be responsible and prepared and be starting to prepare them to be left alone for periods by the age of 10 - give or take individual levels of maturity.

Otherwise you end up with 16 year olds who have never been left on their own and don't have life skills they need to cope for adult life.
I think my parents were relatively free range parents. I used to walk to school from age of seven - five minutes walk and then a lollipop man - no problem. We would also spend a lot of time playing out on the street with neighbours kids from 6 years old - everyone did it. Parents weren't supervising but not far away.

underneaththeash · 15/02/2020 14:14

I have an 11 yo and an 8 yo (nearly 9). I don't leave them alone together, they're far too young.
Having said that, I also wouldn't allow the 8yo to go to the shops alone either.

myself2020 · 15/02/2020 14:16

i leave my almost 7 year old alone for upto 20 minutes. he’s sensible, its fine

Giroscoper · 15/02/2020 14:17

I work with 8 year olds, some I would absolutely leave others I wouldn't Grin

Only you know your child well, my worry was always if one of them got freaked out would it make the other freak out too and then be bedlam.

Re the Nspcc guidance of "12 to leave home alone and 16 to leave in charge of a younger sibling" lots of 11 year olds finish early on a particular day at secondary, the one near to me finishes at 2pm. Most of the parents that pick up a younger sibling finish their day to collect at 3.15 so that 11 year old is home alone.

And being 16? There are mothers younger than this, 14 year olds have babies and look after them. Alone.

I think this is all about providing a strategy, so talk them through stuff, if this happens what do you do? See if they are resourceful enough to think it through. If not provide them with one or two. They should know what to do in case of a fire or powercut. They need to know how to get out of the house, where all the keys are kept etc.

They know they can call you, they can even facetime you. I would do it if I felt they wouldn't get into a physical fight. I like the idea of giving marks out of 10 for each other. Really good idea.

Giroscoper · 15/02/2020 14:17

Oh and no food to be consumed. My biggest fear is a child choking.

Lizzie25 · 15/02/2020 14:17

I wouldn't leave any of my children alone whilst under the age of 11, especially with younger siblings in case there was an accident, injury or fire in the home. No matter how grown up and sensible they were they could still panic especially if only one child was home alone, no one to help if needed. I also wouldnt let mine out alone to walk to school, shops or anything even if it was only around the corner. We've recently had a warning from our school about a man in a car asking children walking alone to get in with him. They've all run away but if no one was around he or anyone maniac could grab them. It's happened to numerous children over the years all over the world. Anyone of any age of course can be grabbed and taken but a child has no chance of fighting anyone off. Keep them close to you or anyone who looks after them as well as you, don't leave them alone yet, belive me I know why it's not worth the risk. X

Nogoodusername · 15/02/2020 14:20

I’d be fine with that for my 9 year old (who stays home by herself for up to an hour during her sibling’s music lesson). But I don’t think I would have done at 8. The main issue for me is the two of them alone together - it’s more responsibility for the eldest

EarringsandLipstick · 15/02/2020 14:21

It's so personal isn't it? I've 3 kids & 2 are the same age as yours (one older).

I wouldn't leave my 8 & 10 yo alone. Lots of reasons - yup, they totally could fight, and probably would, they're not mature enough & they'd probably panic

I left my eldest alone for short periods from 10 & am fine with that, she's nearly 13 now & often alone & does things like jobs around the house / make dinners but I still don't leave her mind the other 2. It'd be carnage.

That's my kids tho.

For a meeting where I had to concentrate I definitely couldn't do it, tho I know you said you were happy you could.

dottiedodah · 15/02/2020 14:24

I think a 10 year old "in charge " of an 8 year old is not really on TBH .Meetings often overrun and you would feel uncomfortable leaving them and not be able to concentrate ! I would ask MIL over and be able to relax for the meeting .

Episcomama · 15/02/2020 14:28

Yes, I would and regularly do.

Nat6999 · 15/02/2020 14:32

Could milk babysit via phone? I left ds at home when he was ill & we were knee deep in snow. I needed to get something from the shops, my dad & him spent the time I was out on the phone having a chat, that way I knew he was safe, I told him not to answer the door or touch the cooker while I was out. He was fine, I knew he was safe.

DecemberSnow · 15/02/2020 14:34

I personally wouldnt....

If one of them choked? Would the other one know what to do?

runninguphills · 15/02/2020 14:36

I would. You know your own children. Mine have old heads on young shoulders and I feel confident they would just watch TV for the 30 mins.

They can easily phone if any issues.

You could try them out for 15 mins beforehand and ask them how they felt it went. Then train them up for longer!

airbags · 15/02/2020 14:36

Absolute no for me. 10 is too young, let alone asking them to take responsibility for an 8yr old too.

StoutDrinker2019 · 15/02/2020 14:39

I babysat my infant sister and little brother at aged 11. Usually on a weekly basis when my parents went to the pub on a Saturday night. They were 5 mins down the road. It was fine. Even when my 18 month old little sister woke up and puked everywhere! We jsut called the pub and they came home. If they are mature enough then trust them. I will definitely be doing the same with my two when they are old enough and if I feel they can handle the responsibility. We are all so risk averse these days I think.

happycamper11 · 15/02/2020 14:41

The 10 year old yes, 8 year old no!

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 15/02/2020 14:43

I would, depends on the maturity, age is just a number.

Lollygaggles · 15/02/2020 14:45

I don't think I would, no. In a perfect scenario they'd likely be fine, but what if something unexpected happened to you or at home. I think it's not worth the risk.

Noodlenosefraggle · 15/02/2020 14:47

I leave my 11 year old on his own, but I wouldn't leave my 8 year old. I also wouldn't put the responsibility of my 8 year old on my 11 year old. I would worry that they would fight. they are both boys though. Not sure if its different with girls or girl/boy. Is there a neighbour that could pop in a couple of times or that you could tell them they could go to if there's trouble if you cant get someone to watch them?

bobstersmum · 15/02/2020 14:47

Why do you leave the 10 year old to take the 8 year old to school? Why doesn't 10 year old go to school? I definitely wouldn't do it, too young.