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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to leave a 10 and 8 year old home alone?

136 replies

Cloglover · 15/02/2020 12:26

Just recently turned 10 and 8. The 10 year old is allowed to walk to their friends house or the shop independently, and I leave him alone in the house some mornings for 15 mins whilst I take my daughter to school if his dad has already gone to work. He has a phone and I take my phone so I am easily contactable. He's trustworthy and I feel comfortable with his current level of independence.

The 8 year old is allowed to go to the local shop alone (10 doors down - no roads to cross) to get sweets. I wouldn't leave her alone in the house beyond going to the shop myself for milk, tho not actually sure I've ever done it!

I will need to nip out for 30 mins with their dad at 5.30 in a couple of weeks, just down the road for a quick meeting. I know he'll suggest getting his mum to watch them, (lives other side of town so 30 mins there and back to pick her up and then 30 mins to dip her off and get home) or us take them to his mums, come back to our side of town for the meeting and then pick them up. All of which I have happily done for the last 10 years! But are we now at a stage where we could just leave them for half an hour and save the faff? We all have phones and the meeting is a 10 min walk/3 min drive away.

Is it just a bit too young? I feel OK about the 10 year old but leaving an 8 year old in his care too? Even tho it will only be late afternoon/early evening it will most prob be dark.

I know they'll behave as they would love the chance to be home alone. I imagine all they will do is play Minecraft! Possibly the 8 year old will take the opportunity to raid the sweet cupboard, a which I'm OK with!

The laws on leaving children are so wishy washy too so they can't provide me with a benchmark!

I would be grateful for your views, experiences. Thanks x

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 15/02/2020 13:03

Yeah I think its still at that 50/50 stage of they should/could be alright but things could happen (arguments being the most likely) things getting knocked or broken they still arent quite used to.

I think its something you could start on but I dont think the meeting is the right place. Why dont you start with popping out to the shops etc and work up to it but this time have your MIL do it. I think its too much as a starting point. Its an unnecessary 0-60 on leaving them

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 15/02/2020 13:03

I think it is a tad on the young side, but you know your dc best. I think my main concern at that age would be that they would squabble / fall out. But ultimately it’s up to you.

Karlkennedyslovechild · 15/02/2020 13:04

OP I think mumsnet generally seems to be a bit over cautious in these matters. You know your kids and if they are likely to be sensible. Personally I think it sounds reasonable. You could always call the eldest to check in at some stage and it’s a short period of time.

redwoodmazza · 15/02/2020 13:05

You know your own children.
If they're sensible, do it.

JKScot4 · 15/02/2020 13:06

MN are always merchants of doom, if it’s 30mins and you know you can trust them, go ahead.

DocusDiplo · 15/02/2020 13:06

I leave mine at that age to pop out for errand to local shop or a run (half hour). Very occasionally. They watch TV. I don't care what others do. And the ten year old will stay for an hour. She doesn't mind. Is sensible. Cant see harm.

Weekday28 · 15/02/2020 13:07

I would/do leave my eldest 2 at home for 45 mins. However I haven't let them out on their own yet so the opposite to you. Mine just play on the xbox so they are fine. It's up to you but there has to be a first time and it sounds like a good time only 3 min drive away and for 30 mins. What are you worried about? That they wont be sensible or that people will judge you? X

BarbarAnna · 15/02/2020 13:09

Blimey. With the weather being so awful and my daughter having a bad leg the other day, I left my 10 and 7 year olds home alone while I walked the dog (their dad was away). In the end, I was gone for nearly an hour. They were fine. Under strict instructions not to answer the door and the 10 year old has a phone. They are very sensible and were engrossed in a game whilst I was gone. Didn’t realise I was doing something controversial to be honest.

Beautiful3 · 15/02/2020 13:10

I think it would be okay.

LEELULUMPKIN · 15/02/2020 13:11

I wouldn't do it. There is an oldish report here from the Beeb about it and the majority of parents that were arrested were those who had left ages 10 or younger alone.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-35803414

It's a small risk agreed but not one that I would be prepared to take.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 15/02/2020 13:11

I left my 8 year old with my supersensible 11 year old whilst I took my other 8 year to an activity and my friend was due to pick her up for Brownies. It was for 15 mins and I had no qualms. I was close by and we have good neighbours who they can go to.

Chickenitalia · 15/02/2020 13:13

I would be more concerned about the 2 of them fighting or causing trouble together. I leave my 10 year old for 30 mins with a phone when I have to take the 7 year old out one night a week. She will be off on a bus for school in 6 months anyway so it’s been a step towards that, plus she is very sensible and knows not to cook anything, answer the door etc. Left with her brother she would murder him. So it depends on their relationship and if you think they would behave or wind each other up.
If that’s ok then crack on!

LettertoHermoine · 15/02/2020 13:13

Once they are not going to fight, I would have no problem.

SlumdogMummy · 15/02/2020 13:19

I have same age gap and leave mine for 10/15 minutes on their own. They understand they are responsible for themselves. They have my phone number and a back door key but know not to answer the door or phone unless it's me, DH or my DM.
If they are on screens, they barely notice I've left!
They also go to the park on their own with very strict agreements, again in charge of themselves.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/02/2020 13:21

I wouldn’t, unfair on the older ones have to be responsible for a younger sibling. The summer before high school felt right for us, before then they were supervised at all times.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 15/02/2020 13:22

It’s a bit too young for me. 10 and 12 I would be OK but 8 and 10 leaves me uncomfortable.

Mine are 12 and 16 and both started coming home from school on their own around 10 and spending short periods alone.

Spied · 15/02/2020 13:22

DC same ages. Have left my 10yo on the very odd occasion whist I've hurried to the local shop 5 min walk away.
Would never leave 8yo and would never leave 10yo and 8yo together as together they would fight- It would be carnage plus 8 is just too young.

Needtobepositive · 15/02/2020 13:24

I have a 10 and 8 year old and I would happily leave the 10 year old for an hour or so but I wouldn’t leave my 8 year old. The 8 year old just isn’t trustworthy enough and the two of them combined could be a huge disaster!

Original poster

Cloglover · 15/02/2020 13:24

@WindFlower92
This is the thing. There's a lot of double standards both in my head and in society!

My son is technically old enough to walk to school on his own but I wouldn't let him as the route in isn't safe.

And nspcc guidelines of 12 to be left home alone seems a bit odd considering where we live in a years time the local council will expect my son to get public transport to his high school 4 miles away. A journey that will take a hour each way! Surely that's far more frought with danger than being safe at home! And it being OK for 2 x 11 year olds to take that journey together but not acceptable for a 13 year old to take an 11 year old sibling to a park?

It's all very confusing!

OP posts:

ClappyFlappy · 15/02/2020 13:26

I think 8 is a bit on the young side

milkysmum · 15/02/2020 13:26

I have a 10 year old an 8 year old. 10 year old is on her own after school for an hour or so after school till I get in from work ( 8 year old goes to friends) . I do leave them both together to run errands when I need to though - shops, dog walk etc..
I am ok with this and so are they, I have some friends who do the same, others who wouldn't dream of it. You know your own limits and your own kids.

Original poster

Cloglover · 15/02/2020 13:26

They bicker but don't fight. The 10 year old is still a 10 year old but can be relied upon to act responsibly. I know they will both behave.

OP posts:

Bringringbring · 15/02/2020 13:27

Child dependent
My two same age - 100% yes.

My neighbours children - absolutely not. Crazy

MethodToThisMadness · 15/02/2020 13:29

I wouldn't like to give the responsibility of a younger child to a 10 year old.

How sensible is your 10 year old really? In the unlikely event of an emergency (power cut etc etc) would they know what to do or panic?

Drum2018 · 15/02/2020 13:30

Your 10 yr old is too young to be given the responsibility of looking after your 8 year old. Surely they have friends locally - could you not just ask another parent if they could have them for an hour and you can return the favour?

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