To return this cheque?

[MAFIL]

I've received a cheque today from an organisation that I have been embroiled in a legal dispute with for some time. They have finally admitted their fault and compensated me. All good, except the cheque is payable to Mrs MAFIL and, unsurprisingly, given its my name, my bank account is in the name of Dr MAFIL. Now I expect my bank will probably accept it, given it has the correct first name and surname on, but this has really pissed me off. I have been communicating with these people for over a year and on every occasion I have referred to myself as Dr. Nor do I ever recall disclosing my marital status as it is wholly irrelevant to the matter in hand. (I am married as it happens but my husband has a different surname.) The casual sexism really annoys me. As a middle aged woman it is assumed I must be married? And I am not entitled to the courtesy of my professional title?
I am tempted to return the cheque and insist on a new one being issued. But on the other hand, it has been such a battle to get to this point, half of me wants to just bank the money and forget about it. Given their general ineptitude to date, who knows when the new cheque will arrive.
WWYD? Send it back? Shrug it off and bank the cheque? Only complain if the cheque is refused by the bank? Bank it but send a letter complaining? Something else?

From someone who goes by Ms and didn’t change her name upon marriage... get over it.

People make errors. They aren’t out to get you or demean you.

n fairness, her title does make her the superior of most people (me included)

The OP hasn't said this and I'd say doesn't think it, but anyone with a professional title is certainly not superior to me or anyone else.

I'd say pretty much, if not all the people I work with don't know my educational background. As far as qualifications are concerned, I'm as qualified in my profession as I can be and could use a load of post nominals (that I don't have to pay for), but don't, they are on my CV and that's it.

I certainly wouldn't consider myself more superior to a person who is not as qualified as me and would be horrified if anyone else did.

If I can sort out the funding I'm seriously considering a PhD. Damn right I'll want to be Dr rather than Mrs.

One I will have earned, the other is based on our patriarchal society.

Cash the cheque and perhaps offer some feedback to the organisation about their unconscious bias.

Cash the cheque and once it has cleared make a complaint about it. You're not being at all unreasonable, even though it's probably a mistake/admin error rather than someone deliberately being sexist.

If it's got your correct first name and surname then bank the cheque. Very unusual to write a title, be it Ms, Dr or whatever on a cheque .
Let it go, give yourself a treat with the money and move on.

Bank it quick!

SCifimessage@ but she hasn’t got a phd.

Cash the cheque and get some interest in it asap.

Cutting your nose off to spite your face means only you lose out.

It could take months for them to send a new cheque.

@Pixxie7 I realise that but she has earned her title via her medical degree.

The only way I can earn a that title is to do a PhD.

I was talking about me earning a PhD, not the fact the OP has (or in this case hasn't). In this case it's a courtesy thing.

AFAIK Medical Drs can only the use the title out of courtesy. Medical people earn the right to revert to Mr/Ms/Mrs/Miss

Those with a PhD have earned the right to be Dr not use it as a courtesy.

Medical people earn the right to revert to Mr/Ms/Mrs/Miss

Those who qualify in surgical specialties are referred to as Mr/Miss etc. Those who choose medical specialties remain as Dr.

I think there are a great many important ways in which we can, and should, be tackling inequality in our society.

An admin error in the booking dept. isn't one of them.

Just bank the bloody cheque.

I don't know what's more depressing, the original everyday sexism that OP posted about - or the eye rolling, scoffing and insults she has received here for pointing out said sexism.

I think what's happened here is probably worse. We can try to combat the everyday sexism, but it's nigh on impossible to do so if people you would hope to back you up, scoff at you instead. I have a PhD. I like using it as a gender neutral title. I hate the fact that by doing so some people mock me as thinking I'm superior, or boasting, or that I should only use it in certain contexts. It puts me off using a title that I fucking earned.

OP, I would bank it. Wait until it's cleared. Then write to them thanking them for the check but pointing out that their casual sexism is just one more thing they've got wrong.

But what?! Have just read that you're not even a doctor

Thanks Dappled.

Oh, please

Have just read that you're not even a doctor

Then you read wrong

For goodness sake!!this is a total non issue and more about ego than feminism. 😏

Many people have titles related to their work but don’t expect to use it in everyday living. Two separate things.

I can't be arsed to RTFT, as this is such a non-issue. Cash the cheque/don't cash the cheque/write a pedantic, pompous communication to them; it's entirely your choice.

Definitely bank it first. Then complain.

Stop being so precious and bank the thing!

But it is a great title for not identifying sex...

Even if they had called you Doctor they will all know you're female anyway as you will almost certainly be known as "that woman".

But seriously, hats off to all the doctors (medical or academic) out there who've put in the years to earn your title. You all deserve to have it respected.

Just cash the cheque and move on with your life. It’s an admin error. Get over it.