To return this cheque?

[MAFIL]

I've received a cheque today from an organisation that I have been embroiled in a legal dispute with for some time. They have finally admitted their fault and compensated me. All good, except the cheque is payable to Mrs MAFIL and, unsurprisingly, given its my name, my bank account is in the name of Dr MAFIL. Now I expect my bank will probably accept it, given it has the correct first name and surname on, but this has really pissed me off. I have been communicating with these people for over a year and on every occasion I have referred to myself as Dr. Nor do I ever recall disclosing my marital status as it is wholly irrelevant to the matter in hand. (I am married as it happens but my husband has a different surname.) The casual sexism really annoys me. As a middle aged woman it is assumed I must be married? And I am not entitled to the courtesy of my professional title?
I am tempted to return the cheque and insist on a new one being issued. But on the other hand, it has been such a battle to get to this point, half of me wants to just bank the money and forget about it. Given their general ineptitude to date, who knows when the new cheque will arrive.
WWYD? Send it back? Shrug it off and bank the cheque? Only complain if the cheque is refused by the bank? Bank it but send a letter complaining? Something else?

@damefanny if somebody introduced themselves as Dr Smith I'd be respectful of that.

If someone then referred to them as Mr Smith, by mistake or because they didn't realise he was a Dr, and he berated them for it, I'd think he was a jumped up arse.

I don't have an issue with the title. I have an issue with the superiority complex that the OP appears to have.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles I agree with every word you've said on this thread.

It makes for incredibly depressing reading. No wonder we are going backwards at a rate of knots. Post upon post by women, putting down a woman for objecting to sexism.

As for the "Darren in accounts didn't do it on purpose" comment - you don't know that. I have a colleague who would do just this. If a woman corresponds with us and uses Dr or Ms as her title, or includes the letters after her name, then colleague will remove the letters and change Dr or Ms to Mrs. She absolutely hates women getting ideas above their station. She's a complete misogynist. Like a great many of you on this thread.

YANBU to roll your eyes and huff and their mistake and move on.

YABU to return the cheque and demand its reissued. Cuts off your nose to spite your face somewhat as it will cause delays.

I'd also say it's more ageist than sexist to assume a person of a certain age is married. They'd probably make the same assumption of men if there was a choice of titles for blokes. There just isn't. And that's not their fault. That's just the options on the drop down menu available.

@GiveHerHellFromUs ok but what if they referred to him as Mrs Smith?

How is wanting to be addressed by the correct title a superiority complex? It is basic courtesy to get someone's name right.

What sort of dr are you mafil? I faint at the sight or sound of blood and never really got chemistry at school so I think youre awesome.

No wonder we are going backwards at a rate of knots. Post upon post by women, putting down a woman for objecting to sexism

But we’re not going backwards, are we? If we were there would be no mortgages or finance deals in women’s names, no equal pay, no maternity leave or pay, no discrimination legislation, the list goes on. If this is the level of sexism women get upset over these days, we’re not doing badly. Get upset about the shocking standard of maternity care or erosion of women’s spaces, not this kind of trivial bollocks.

You have the cheque, the rest is just arrogance.

@DameFanny
I quite agree with you, but that is not OP’s argument. She appears to want the cheque to be made out to Dr MAFIL as opposed to Mrs MAFIL.

@ThePlantsitter if he was clearly a man, it'd just be bizarre. If he could've been mistaken for a woman, I'd expect him to say "oh actually, its Mr (or Dr - not bothered)" politely, if it's an issue.

Dr is a neutral term so that's not relevant anyway.

It's stupid that there are numerous titles to identify women and only a few that are specifically used for men. It's more stupid to throw money you've wasted months arguing over back at someone because they're accounts clerk made a minor error.

Really, no one cares. Cash the bloody cheque.

If somebody calls themselves Dr, you call them Dr back. That's just politeness. Also that way you don't have to guess their sex by their appearance.

@ThePlantsitter that's exactly what I said

I'm with the OP on this.

@DCOkeford what bollocks. This is why medical negligence is such a vast area- the God complex of a medics perceived superiority is the very reason so much goes wrong and why PALS are inundated with complaints that Dr knowitall is actually a Dr knowsfuckall as they have not correctly listened to their patient. Keeps me in money I grant you, but the number of complaints and negligence would drop if the air of superiority was dropped and they did the job they are trained to do- understand the body and how to fix it. Nurses and paramedics are worth their weight in gold without the god complex. It's a title for professional use and it should be used just for that purpose.

@GiveHerHellFromUs er, no you didn't. You said somebody would be a jumped up arse if they insisted on 'Dr'. When in op's case she insists on Dr because of its gender neutral denotation.

In fairness, her title does make her the superior of most people (me included)

No, not 'superior'. Just differently educated. She still craps out of the same shaped hole.

Definitely bank the cheque -- you had to fight for it! Their sloppiness about names is part of the general incompetence or negligence that probably caused your dispute in the first place. Their loss.

But you’ve won. Unless you really enjoy being angry i’d just bank the cheque and move on.
I’m a middle aged woman ( also married) and was referred to as Miss On the phone, as a casual assumption. I wouldn’t read to much into it,

Let it go and cash the cheque. It's unlikely the person who raised the cheque was involved in your legal case so it's unlikely to be a personal slight. Which makes it an administrative error. You could see it as a sign of ingrained sexism or you could see it as evidence of a disorganised office or an overworked employee. (Or it could be any number of other things you can't begin to imagine.) I received a cheque last week with my name spelt wrong - nothing to take personally of course but it did mean I couldn't cash the cheque, which was particularly annoying. These thing happen.

Cash it, then celebrate.

This is important. Bank it first, then complain.

I had a customer complain about this to me at work once, like I advised she cashed the cheque so it was accepted, I apologised for the error but advised it was just that an error we didn't do it just to annoy her.

In fairness, her title does make her the superior of most people (me included)

Fuck me, no it doesn't.

It may mean she is more intelligent, more academic, more lots of things.

It absolutely does not make her "the superior" of anyone.

I don't even think the OP thinks that tbh, it's a bit of a bloody leap!

Bank the money. Wait for it to show in your account.

Then maybe send a nice polite note thanking them for the cheque in respect of the claim they had to pay you, but as helpful feedback they might like to know that....

It is sexism.

And if every woman who fought for equality had been put off by people calling them names (list helpfully collated by WeBuiltCisCity ) then a lot of you on this thread would be paid a lot less per hour for the same job as a man as a matter of policy, have to ask your HD or father to sign for any debt at all (mortgage, car lease having a credit card) and forcible sex within marriage would be considered a man's right.

And if every woman who fought for equality had been put off by people calling them names (list helpfully collated by WeBuiltCisCity ) then a lot of you on this thread would be paid a lot less per hour for the same job as a man as a matter of policy, have to ask your HD or father to sign for any debt at all (mortgage, car lease having a credit card) and forcible sex within marriage would be considered a man's right

I’m one of those women. This is the kind of nonsense that gives feminism a bad name. Pick your battles.

Let it go