To return this cheque?

[MAFIL]

I've received a cheque today from an organisation that I have been embroiled in a legal dispute with for some time. They have finally admitted their fault and compensated me. All good, except the cheque is payable to Mrs MAFIL and, unsurprisingly, given its my name, my bank account is in the name of Dr MAFIL. Now I expect my bank will probably accept it, given it has the correct first name and surname on, but this has really pissed me off. I have been communicating with these people for over a year and on every occasion I have referred to myself as Dr. Nor do I ever recall disclosing my marital status as it is wholly irrelevant to the matter in hand. (I am married as it happens but my husband has a different surname.) The casual sexism really annoys me. As a middle aged woman it is assumed I must be married? And I am not entitled to the courtesy of my professional title?
I am tempted to return the cheque and insist on a new one being issued. But on the other hand, it has been such a battle to get to this point, half of me wants to just bank the money and forget about it. Given their general ineptitude to date, who knows when the new cheque will arrive.
WWYD? Send it back? Shrug it off and bank the cheque? Only complain if the cheque is refused by the bank? Bank it but send a letter complaining? Something else?

I wish this was the only thing I had to complain about in my life.

Try battling cancer even though you're only 35, and have 2 young children, then how someone addresses a cheque to you won't seem so bad.

I actually hate people like you right now. I know I'm wrong to, but I do.

My goodness you sound like hard work!

AlsoHuman
I’m one of those women. This is the kind of nonsense that gives feminism a bad name. Pick your battles

I am one of those women too. I agree with ‘pick your battles’ but I also think (based on my friends who are able to use Prof as their title ) that language is insidious and powerful as a way to constantly belittle women, and if we take unconscious bias seriously then the unthinking decision to consign every female to ‘Mrs’ is not neutral.

There are big things to fight, new things too. But I don’t think it is either / or and I don’t think saying “actually it is Ms, Rev, Miss or Prof” is giving feminism a bad name.

P.S I also see no justification for the insults that have been thrown by women at the OP.

Disagree, fine, but name-calling?

Incidentally traditionally unless you are a medical doctor it’s considered bad form to use the title Dr except in the professional pursuance of that role. If you are a medical doctor get a grip and do your job after banking the cheque.

^^
This is the wrong way around. Medical doctors aren’t supposed to use doctor except at work/ in their professional capacity. Only PhD DPhil etc are allowed to use Dr in daily life.

Unbelievable how unkind and rude some of these posts are to the OP. She has done nothing wrong and only asked a simple question.

Please send a letter of complaint after you've banked the cash, they'll be sure to remember your name forever as an absolute pita 😂

Wow, there are some unpleasant replies on this thread. How very dare op be a qualified medical professional?!

In the interests of being practical, I’d cash the check if my bank would let me, and take the money off the company who owed it to me. I do think they’ve been rude and dropped the ball, but refusing to take their money won’t teach them ;).

Who the f**k cares if you are a Dr or a streetcleaner

Just bank it.

Wow, what a horrible thread. So many angry women putting down another woman who dares complain about everyday sexism.

I use Dr as my title. I earned it and prefer to be gender neutral. As this thread has illustrated how much it pisses people off, I will use it more.

OP bank the cheque then complain.

I agree, bank it and then complain.

I find it depressing that so many people have decided to belittle you over this. The company are either sloppy in their choice of salutations, or are choosing to wind you up. Either way, they're not painting themselves in the best light (as aren't the posters who've laid into you).

OP YANBU.
Bank the cheque and complain afterwards, if you can still be bothered.

Have RTFT and I'm sorry your issue has been so misinterpreted on this thread!

Omg who cares .. deposit the cheque and get over yourself. Nobody cares.

Some very nasty and rude replies.
I totally get where you are coming from.
Whoever is writing cheques is not that junior.
I wonder was it an "genuine "mistake
Bank the cheque the write to them after.
Help ensure they dont pull a stunt like that again

Who the fk cares if you are a Dr or a streetcleaner

The patients, one suspects.

VAHNI, What an utterly stupid comment, no patients are involved in this scenario, only mumsnet

What we all really want to know is how much is the cheque for

Who the f**k cares if you are a Dr or a streetcleaner.

@Vanhi

The patients, one suspects.

To be fair, some street-cleaners, probably have more medical knowledge than some 'doctors.'

Well after 10 pages of outright nastiness, isadora, it seems that much of MN does care, even if what they seem to care about is the ability to put someone down. And actually, the discussion and that response were rather more widely pitched.

Really, why the utter nastiness when the OP wants to use a title which she's earned? Getting someone's name and title right is a matter of respect. So this was either a sly dig, or someone defaulting to 'oh, she'll just be Mrs'. She earned the title, she used it in correspondence.

If you let the microaggressions slide, then they build up. These things actually are important.

The bank may well demand that the cheque be made out to Dr, if that's how the name appears on the account.

@Vanhi You seem to be getting weirdly offended on the OP's behalf. Why IS that? Hmmm?

@Shinycat as I said upthread, I have a PhD. I have in the past been on the receiving end of negativity with regard to using my title. I find it depressing when I see someone else going through the same thing.

Plus, there's other stuff I should be doing right now but don't want to, and this is a really good way of avoiding it.

Well, fairly good. It's not that much fun.

It is really hard to empathise with you. Yes, they assumed you were married and no, they didnt use professional title but really, who the fuck cares. If your title and other peoples assumptions are all you have to worry about, I'd love to swap lives with you. And if I was that Darren in accounts when your complain comes in, I'd either bin it or pop it an internal mail envelope and put it in the bottom of the envelope pile. With more added every day, if would just get lost. Oops). Or if an email, just forget to forward it on. For ages. Until you complained about 4 times. The person you complain to will be dealing with their own shit, trying to hold it together, and you complaining that someone assumed you were married will be simply ludicrous to them. I do suspect the issue is in not calling you Dr. A friend got his PhD in August. I wrote his (and his wife's) xmas card to Mr & mrs. He "casually" mentioned this when we met them a few weeks ago. I will never ever call him Dr because he is being a dick. My husband has more qualifications and publications than said friend will ever have. Does he care that someone once mistook him for the janitor (because he is uber scruffy)? Not a bit. Because hes not a dick. The man made an assumption. He was wrong. It's really no big deal. Cash the cheque andbe glad someone assuming you were married is all you have to worry about.

Surely what the OP is really objecting to is the use of “Mrs” rather than “Ms”, not the fact that they haven’t used “Dr”. So 90% of the comments are pretty irrelevant...