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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To return this cheque?

414 replies

MAFIL · 13/02/2020 15:14

I've received a cheque today from an organisation that I have been embroiled in a legal dispute with for some time. They have finally admitted their fault and compensated me. All good, except the cheque is payable to Mrs MAFIL and, unsurprisingly, given its my name, my bank account is in the name of Dr MAFIL. Now I expect my bank will probably accept it, given it has the correct first name and surname on, but this has really pissed me off. I have been communicating with these people for over a year and on every occasion I have referred to myself as Dr. Nor do I ever recall disclosing my marital status as it is wholly irrelevant to the matter in hand. (I am married as it happens but my husband has a different surname.) The casual sexism really annoys me. As a middle aged woman it is assumed I must be married? And I am not entitled to the courtesy of my professional title?
I am tempted to return the cheque and insist on a new one being issued. But on the other hand, it has been such a battle to get to this point, half of me wants to just bank the money and forget about it. Given their general ineptitude to date, who knows when the new cheque will arrive.
WWYD? Send it back? Shrug it off and bank the cheque? Only complain if the cheque is refused by the bank? Bank it but send a letter complaining? Something else?

OP posts:
Youngatheart00 · 13/02/2020 18:09

I would be irritated too, but not sufficiently so to not bank the cheque!

AlanRickmanFanClub · 13/02/2020 18:09

Seriously? Bank it and get on with your life.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 13/02/2020 18:10

Wow, what a bunch of nasty arses on this thread. If someone has earned their title it doesn't make them unreasonable or a snob to use it ffs! And no, I don't have a title before you assume.

In this instance, while that is an irritating thing, I would cash the cheque if you can. My bank can be difficult sometimes if a cheque doesn't match the account name accurately.

Cheeseontoast4 · 13/02/2020 18:11

Irritating maybe - not worth wasting more time over - bank it

DameFanny · 13/02/2020 18:12

So someone misnames you @GiveHerHellFromUs and you assume it's not personal, but someone introduces themselves as a Dr and you assume she's trying to make herself seem superior? Right...

fairlyplump · 13/02/2020 18:12

Goodness me, do you know who I am !!!!!

1Morewineplease · 13/02/2020 18:12

Your name is Mrs MAFIL. Your signature is (initial) MAFIL. People don’t sign as Dr/Rev/Countess/Lord Lieutenant MAFIL.
Dr is just a title.
The bank will accept.
Move on.

MincePiesGetInMyBelly · 13/02/2020 18:12

They will literally laugh at you if you send it back. As are most of us to be honest...

LuluJakey1 · 13/02/2020 18:14

Just bank it and move on.

DameFanny · 13/02/2020 18:14

Now I'm wondering if all the people on this thread with a scunner against professional titles are those 'sick of experts' people I see in vox pops. And wondering what kind of medical treatment they'll get if they take that to it's logical conclusion.

SnoozyLou · 13/02/2020 18:14

Would you prefer they didn't send the cheque but got the Dr bit right?

Hmm
DCOkeford · 13/02/2020 18:16

she definitely thinks it makes her sound superior

In fairness, her title does make her the superior of most people (me included)

It denotes intelligence, commitment, determination and hard work.

Just a shame so few people respect these qualities these days.

DameFanny · 13/02/2020 18:16

Her name is NOT Mrs @1Morewineplease - even if she weren't Dr she could still be Ms or Miss if she wanted.

Or do you still believe a woman gets no choice in her name once she's married?

QuestionableMouse · 13/02/2020 18:17

Get a fucking grip.

Bank the cheque and get on with your life.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 13/02/2020 18:17

Wassup doc? Stop being a Pratt and bank it

MrEzraGoldberg · 13/02/2020 18:18

Not read the full thread, but I'd be annoyed too. It's sexist. It Dr is the title you gave them, that's Dr is the title they should use. And the fact they ASSUMED you were a Mrs; that would aggravate me a great deal. I for one don't think you are making a fuss about nothing. I'm afraid I would request a replacement cheque with my correct title (the one I'd used in all communication) and also ask why they decided to refer to you as Mrs instead?

It's casual sexism. And one of many examples that we're often told to just 'let go'. Obviously this is an option, but only you know for how long this will rankle if you don't address it.

MincePiesGetInMyBelly · 13/02/2020 18:19

@DCOkeford

What a ridiculous thing to say! She is no way more 'superior' than anyone else, including a million and one people who have those same qualities (me included!)

DameFanny · 13/02/2020 18:20

Well said @DCOkeford

aspoonfulofyourownmedicine · 13/02/2020 18:20

I'm a Mrs, I have DHs surname. I work in a school and I get called 'Miss'. It's not something that I can get wound up about to be honest. There are worse things going on in the world that someone getting my name/title/sex/marital status wrong.

MrEzraGoldberg · 13/02/2020 18:20

And if they make too much of a fuss, tell them it's because the bank won't cash it unless the title is correct. Though you shouldn't have to do that, of course.

ThePlantsitter · 13/02/2020 18:20

Don't rtft MrEzraGoldberg it will make you want to cry. A load of misogynist wankery by people who think it stupid to bother about this everyday sexism but not stupid to bother to come and verbally abuse somebody about bothering about it on a Mumsnet thread

Lllot5 · 13/02/2020 18:21

I’d bank it. Wait until it clears then write them a stinker of a email.

AlanRickmanFanClub · 13/02/2020 18:21

Even better tell them to cancel the cheque as you are so insulted and to give the money to a charity.

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2020 18:22

There's a guy who uses a study center at my work and he always tries to insist I address him as Doctor, as though he thinks I should be interested in his 'badge of knowledge'.

I refuse because he/his job/his qualifications/his life has absolutely nothing to do with me.

That and the fact I think he's a dick.

I may get myself a t.shirt printed with my A Level results and see how interested he is in that Grin

Shannith · 13/02/2020 18:22

Bank the cheque
Cash the cheque
Cancel the cheque

Oh I'm getting all confused.

Eat the cheque?
Burn the cheque?

If you write cheque enough times it looks really weird.

What if it identifies as a check? Or a bill? Or an IOU.

Will no one think of the paper??

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