To return this cheque?

[MAFIL]

I've received a cheque today from an organisation that I have been embroiled in a legal dispute with for some time. They have finally admitted their fault and compensated me. All good, except the cheque is payable to Mrs MAFIL and, unsurprisingly, given its my name, my bank account is in the name of Dr MAFIL. Now I expect my bank will probably accept it, given it has the correct first name and surname on, but this has really pissed me off. I have been communicating with these people for over a year and on every occasion I have referred to myself as Dr. Nor do I ever recall disclosing my marital status as it is wholly irrelevant to the matter in hand. (I am married as it happens but my husband has a different surname.) The casual sexism really annoys me. As a middle aged woman it is assumed I must be married? And I am not entitled to the courtesy of my professional title?
I am tempted to return the cheque and insist on a new one being issued. But on the other hand, it has been such a battle to get to this point, half of me wants to just bank the money and forget about it. Given their general ineptitude to date, who knows when the new cheque will arrive.
WWYD? Send it back? Shrug it off and bank the cheque? Only complain if the cheque is refused by the bank? Bank it but send a letter complaining? Something else?

Take the money and THEN complain to them loudly and grumpily about their assumption... best of both worlds :-)

It would be a shame to delay your receipt of the actual money because of this.

Just to add, qualifications or inherited titles do not form part of your signature.

So one has a PhD, really, wow ,

Only read the first few pages so sorry if I’ve missed anything

I’m a doctor - medical not PhD. It’s a bachelors degree over 5-6 years but your title is still Doctor

I do see where the OP is coming from. If my DH uses the title Dr SolgalleoRules the reply will always be Doctor. Not the case with me.

Often I find people assume I am Mrs, which I will correct...I worked just as hard for my title as DH. Harder in some ways as there’s still sexism in medicine. We still get post to Dr & Mrs Solagello. Irritating!

Would I send the cheque back? No, I couldn’t be arsed after a long legal battle. Plus I could get the (puny) interest sooner if I cashed the cheque instead of them.

But I probably would send an email to correct their error. If I could be arsed!

Female doctors still find themselves dealing with a lot of sexism within work so to have it elsewhere is infuriating so I can see why this has rattled OPs cage. This is not about a stealth boast. This is about a woman who has embarked on a degree and career that, although better than it used to be, still has a huge amount of embedded sexism in the workplace and that spills out into home life too

OP - cash the cheque then when it’s cleared politely point out there error. As my Dad says ‘to assume is to make an ass of u and me’. They’ve assumed you’re a Mrs and that’s annoying

@ThePlantsitter I said I'd consider them a jumped up arse if they were difficult when someone used the wrong title in error.

I also said I'd be respectful of the title they introduced themselves as.

I wonder if Dr MAFIL knows of a cure for selective reading.

I do understand - my title is Dr, not master, mr, miss, mrs. all the latter ones are incorrect. i don’t care with people i like, but with stuff likr that i do . Just send a mail back to “master xyz”, or “ miss 122”. they are being rude,

@isadoradancing123 so one is married, wow! Either give up on titles completely (so just use full name) or use the correct one. Master isadoradancing123 i assume wouldbe incorrect.

You went through all the rigmarole of a legal dispute, won, and instead of banking the cheque and moving on you're hung up on not having the cheque addressed Dr. Sounds like they are living rent free in your head.

I’d be more impressed if you were going to tear up the cheque over the issue and then write them a letter saying you don’t want another. However, as you clearly do want the money, take it and then write the letter. Same result. Will the bank teller give a shiny shit that you’re a doctor? I mean you could wear a white coat a have a stethoscope around your neck when you deposit the cheque? Could help 😂

I would cash the Cheque if it’s taken this long to get a resolution. I would be concerned if you send it back how long it will take to issue a cheque in the correct name. But if you feel strongly about this I would write a letter or email of complaint to the company.

The only circumstance under which it would be reasonable to make a big deal out of this would be if your dr title has any relevance to your association with this company. If not you'll be making a drama for the sake of it and I can't understand why anyone would bother in this situation.

As usual, a professional woman is lambasted for having a preference to how she is addressed.

Men never have this problem.

Move on for goodness sake.

@orangejuicer we had a supply teacher at school who insisted he was called 'Sir'. He was a prick too.

At least OP Is actually using a title she's earned though.

YABU bank the cheque and move on

I'd be raging too. Cash the cheque and send them a complaint. It's plain disrespectful and this kind of casual shit needs to be addressed. If they can't get your name right then what other important details are they overlooking or getting wrong? Most companies have a CRM system that holds all customer data and that should have the correct detail from all of the preceding correspondence. Fuckers.

And to those saying you are up yourself, well they are being disrespectful too. You earned your title, you chose to use it and that's what people should do.

Bank it and then send a letter.

GiveHerHellFromUs I'll spell it out since you've decided to view your lack of comprehension to my selective reading.

Would you think somebody was an arse if he insisted you call him 'Dr' when you had made a series of wrong assumptions about his gender and called him Mrs? He has already given you a title that meant you didn't have to think about his gender but you have overruled him based on what you think he should be called. That's the same situation as the OP.

Maybe you would think he was an arse. But then you didn't say what I said and we don't agree.

We are spending a fabulous break at a 5* star hotel in Scotland, it is indeed a ‘glorious playground...’ my husband is a medical doctor, rather well-known in medical circles, we were welcomed as Mr &Mrs XX.......not a jot do either of us care! If this is your only worry, you are extremely lucky, bank the cheque and give yourself peace...

@ThePlantsitter if he'd introduced himself as Dr, I would call him Dr.

If he'd introduced himself as Dr and on one instance I'd used the wrong title, as is the case with OP, considering they've been communicating for over a year and this is the only time she's had this problem, I'd be fine with him correcting me politely.

What would be unnecessary would be if I sent him a thank you card and addressed it to Mr, and he then returned it because I'd call him Mr instead of Dr after communication had ceased. See the difference?

Nobody has misgendered OP. They just used a different title than she would've liked.

@orangejuicer has it! Some of the responses here are unbelievable.

OP I would be raging in your position as well! It would feel like such a petty slight after the legal battle. I'd cash it and do my best to move on though. Maybe write a snotty letter to complain about it after the money clears. You're not wrong to be irritated by this sexism though, it's annoying AF.

The daftest ones are the ones assuming this is OPs only worry, or her major priority.

Just bank it and move on. You’ve wasted a year on them already, why waste another few weeks/months on them over the stake of a title?

Get a life.