Very "technical" compliments from a colleague

[Yesiwearspandex]

Today's first world problem.

There is a colleague in the office (female, early 50s) who likes to give LOUD compliments on other women's appearances but in a very "technical" way, i.e. highlighting the way how they achieved a particular look rather than just saying they look great.
For example: "oh you had your eyebrows plucked, looks nice".
Or "wow, mascara today, any special plans for the evening?"
Or "this new foundation you are wearing really suits you, your skin looks perfect".
Or "you dyed your hair, it suits you".
Or "what a dress, and that shapewear really rocks too".
The team is predominantly middle aged men, with just a few women of different ages here and there, and all her comments seem to be targeted at women.
AIBU to read too much into it, as in it being a bit bitchy? On one hand, she seems to be saying nice things, on another, I feel weird myself when she comments on something that I hope will go unnoticed (such as foundation or shapewear), almost like I am under a constant surveillance from some sort of a beauty police. Maybe because I don't usually notice if someone had changed their foundation or is wearing mascara, but just notice that they look good.

Also creepy - why is she watching everyone so closely?

she's horrible - and i'd be really upset if someone LOUDLY made all those remarks to me... the shapewear one is totally inappropriate in a work environment.

and to all those folk saying she's just being "specific" - that advice means that you should say something like:
"teal really suits you"
"that dress is lovely, I've always wanted to wear that style but it doesn't suit me"
not any of the examples the OP has given!

I totally get it's hard to translate in text the tone OP so it's really hard to tell.

On one hand I honestly believe that specific compliments are better as vague "oh you look nice" can seem a bit insincere. So if I compliment someone its usually specific "I love that top it really suits you" and I absolutely promise I'm never doing it to be a bitch, I always mean it.

Saying that, social skills I fully admit are not my strong point and I also follow this system to try to ensure I dont accidentally say the wrong thing (never comment on body or natural points as someone may take offence, never comment in a crowd, dont expect a response are my rules...the bible of the socially awkward )

However I have definitely met , sadly too often, people who can say what seems nice but it be a giant bitch move. I think if you know the setup and the dynamic and feel shes being bitchy I'm inclined to think you are right.

I'd be tempted just to ask her why she feel sthe need to comment on other peoples appearance and when she responds which I guarantee she will that shes just being nice , I think a well placed raised eyebrow and a "Is that what you think ?" And then nothing else may be effective

I sometimes say I like that top, is it new and things like that because I want people to feel noticed when they do look a bit nicer/different. It boosts people doesn't it? She might be clumsy in her delivery.

If she's sickeningly sweet that usually hides a bitchy side.

I think he's just bring observant and nice

I'd be really pi**ed off if someone commented on my shapewear 🙄😬
I'm a bit conscious of my belly since having baby number 3 so obviously want to hide it if I'm wearing a flowy dress. I'd be seriously down if a woman told me my shapewear looked nice 😬
Seems very bitchy to me! YANBU!

These are backhanded compliments. Does she compliment the men? Does she ever compliment or acknowledge the women on a professional basis?

I would find her 'compliments' unprofessional and irritating. If the answer to the above questions is no then she's perpetuating objectification of women in the workplace.

Sorry haven't RTFT. Has anyone actually said anything to her about it? It smacks of ASD and I wonder if she is trying to be nice. Talk to the woman and explain how you feel. Hopefully she'll be mortified/upset which is a vast improvement on her being considered a bitch.

@TheNoodlesIncident I think it depends on your ASD. Some are definitely more blunt and technical. You sound like you've worked hard on it...many don't! 🙆

More lightheartedly...10 years ago, my dh got new glasses and he kept being mistaken for Gok. Even those who realized it wasn't thought it was somehow acceptable to come up to him and ask if they would look good naked.

NB DH is better looking and not gay.

Totally out of order in the workplace. There's a big difference between saying "I like your top" and "I like your top, it really suits your shape". I wouldn't even say the latter to my sister.

To me it sounds like she wants all eyes on her, so is purposefully pointing out that someone would not look that nice without the alteration they have done. I say this is as I do it too sometimes, for example when my husband is looking at someone I say "I wonder what they look like without makeup" I'm not proud of it but it happens.

The comments in your OP are inappropriate in an office setting. (The hair one might be OK, but why in front of an audience?)

Some people can easily ignore these kinds of comments or even take them as compliments. But there's a pattern here, and it clearly bothers you and is making you uncomfortable in your work environment and apprehensive about going about your private business (manicure, etc.) That's not an unreasonable reaction. I think most people would at least admit the shapewear comment crossed a line.

One thing I'd consider is - if you come in with an obvious change (nice new dress, change-in-style haircut) - is she commenting as soon as she sees you even if it's on alone on the lift or in the loo, or is she waiting until there's an audience? If she's consistently waiting, I'd think that's a sign that these aren't spontaneous compliments.

I'd take her aside (if you haven't already) and privately tell her that her comments are too personal and you'd like her to either stop altogether or keep those comments between the two of you (whichever you prefer). Give specific examples - I'd use the shapewear one if it's recent. She may say/think you're oversensitive and can't take a compliment at all. Who cares, as long as she stops? I'm sure you'd forgo the occasional genuine "what a pretty scarf!" in order to avoid "phwoar, that push-up bra works miracles on you!"

Oh fuck off! Just say thank you!