Very "technical" compliments from a colleague

[Yesiwearspandex]

Today's first world problem.

There is a colleague in the office (female, early 50s) who likes to give LOUD compliments on other women's appearances but in a very "technical" way, i.e. highlighting the way how they achieved a particular look rather than just saying they look great.
For example: "oh you had your eyebrows plucked, looks nice".
Or "wow, mascara today, any special plans for the evening?"
Or "this new foundation you are wearing really suits you, your skin looks perfect".
Or "you dyed your hair, it suits you".
Or "what a dress, and that shapewear really rocks too".
The team is predominantly middle aged men, with just a few women of different ages here and there, and all her comments seem to be targeted at women.
AIBU to read too much into it, as in it being a bit bitchy? On one hand, she seems to be saying nice things, on another, I feel weird myself when she comments on something that I hope will go unnoticed (such as foundation or shapewear), almost like I am under a constant surveillance from some sort of a beauty police. Maybe because I don't usually notice if someone had changed their foundation or is wearing mascara, but just notice that they look good.

I don't think she's rude but I don't think she actually cares either.

She's just showing everyone how observant and 'nice' she is. Leave her to it.

Or just say 'actually Janice, I'm not wearing any shape wear - I always look like this' if you feel the need to shut it down.

@lemomtreebird are you always so suspicious?

Oh well, at least sh's not complimenting the guys on their mascara.
Do the same back to her, see if she likes it (yes, v.v. childish ) - or tell her point blank that she is being rude and personal.

What do other women in the office think about it? - they know the woman and the office culture better than we do, and a pincer type reaction rather than just you would be more effective.

Maybe she's on the autism spectrum? (ask her if she is when she comes out with the next "off" comment)
People with more empathy/social skills would simply say "your hair's nice" or "I like your hair colour"

This comes across as nasty to me - a lot of back-handed compliments. I'd think they were very insecure and try to ignore.. or maybe say, wow you pay a lot of attention to the tiny details don't you? I feel like I'm under surveillance!

Or.. better idea. Say, 'So and so, when are you going to compliment Bob's comb-over/new slip ons. The men are going to start feeling left out at this rate!'

I think she’s being bitchy and wrapping it in a ‘compliment’ to make herself look good.

She could say, ‘your skin looks great’ without mentioning foundation and the shapewear comment is 100% cowbag.

to be fair, if she had noticed, everyone else will have too.
They probably don't care at all, but it won't be a secret.

She's the Queen Bee/flirt according to the op. Sounds to me like she wants to keep the other women in their place with her loud comments to make the men take notice.

It would be nice indeed to discreetly compliment others, but no need for the underlying 'I see how you did it!' Aha-vibe.

Is 'breezy' the new 'tinkly' laugh? It seems to be the go-to response for increasing numbers of posters to deal with what they perceive to be catty remarks. I doubt it works as intended most likely to come across as cattily forced. I think Ug's might be the best.

Best approach.

Always always, turn it back on her.

*”oh you had your eyebrows plucked, looks nice". Yes, I went to a new beautician, she could probably work wonders with yours. Would you like her number?

Or ”wow, mascara today, any special plans for the evening?" Why, thank you. It’s nice to make an effort now and again. You don’t need to dress down just because you’re in work. Hold on and I’ll get you the name of it and you can give it a go.
Or ”this new foundation you are wearing really suits you, your skin looks perfect" isn’t it great. Would you like the name. I’m sure it would work well on your skin too.
Or "you dyed your hair, it suits you" aww thanks. Luckily my new hairdresser knows which colours don’t make name washed out looking. Would you like her details?
Or "what a dress, and that shapewear really rocks too" Oh thanks. I can get you the details and you can see if it helps you too.

Every time she ‘compliments’ you. Act delighted and point out that your hairdresser, shapewear, etc can help her too. In other words, she ain’t perfect, but you’re doing it in the same ‘helpful’ way she is. 😉😁

OP, your colleague needs to fuck right off.

Call her on targeting women.

@lemontreebird
That's exactly how I perceive it, but I am very conscious appearance wise. I am returning to the office this afternoon and realised with a surprise that I feel very uncomfortable about her commenting on my nails being done (I don't usually wear nail polish, just had a big event yesterday I had to glam up for). I do look a bit like Shrek's ugly sister in life, so maybe just overreacting.
All the specific comments I mentioned were addressed to me, but other women also seem to get their fair share of very similar ones.

It's negging - pure and simple. She sounds awful.

Maybe she's on the autism spectrum? (ask her if she is when she comes out with the next "off" comment)

Please don’t do that.

I think it could be either social ineptitude or bitchiness, but it does sound more like the latter to be honest.

People cant win, shes saying something nice and being complimentary how can that be negative?

That is how people who are bitchy get away with it. They say something that on the face of it sounds like a compliment, but it is said to make the person it’s directed to feel worse about themselves. It makes it harder to “call out” or identify, as if they are asked about it they can get faux-upset and pretend that they were only being friendly. Typical school girl stuff, but some people stay stuck in that mentality forever.

@Yesiwearspandex when she comments on your nails just whisper to her that they're to try and get the attention of whichever guy she flirts most with

It sounds like a control thing. She is putting everyone in their place with faux compliments.

They are very personal comments... I think it's bitchy masquerading as womans woman. She might not know though! Have a word with her, if you can. How she responds should illuminate her character.

Sounds like she’s highlighting the covering up of perceived flaws. I’d just say ‘I like your hair’ or ‘you look nice’ I wouldn’t specify unless the person asked.

@echt
Yes, it is women only, which also annoys me. Men also obviously do some personal grooming, but I had never heard her compliment Steve The Database Architect on trimming his nose hair or dyeing grays.

Ye sounds a bit bitchy.We had a xmas do at my old job and I had a v neck dress on,colleague says "ooh I'd love to have boobs like yours Princess Honeysuckle but I suppose you get what you pay for".I've had a boob job.She was being factual but being a bitch at the same time.Its an underrated skill.

I compliment others in this way. It's not negging when I do it. I think it's more sincere if it's more specific. I will watch what I say in future

Bitchiness wrapped in a 'compliment' so you can't say anything. I'd start defending all the other women if I were you, e.g.

Bitchy Colleague: what a dress Sarah, and that shapewear really rocks too

You: That colour really brings out your eyes. I wish I had legs as slim as Sarah's, don't you BitchyColleague?

Bloody hell OP, all of that was said to you? I'd want to kill her.

General, vague compliments are much easier to accept. Nobody likes to feel scrutinised, and I think commenting on very intimate things like a new foundation and shapewear veers into critical eye territory rather than pleasantry.