Very "technical" compliments from a colleague

[Yesiwearspandex]

Today's first world problem.

There is a colleague in the office (female, early 50s) who likes to give LOUD compliments on other women's appearances but in a very "technical" way, i.e. highlighting the way how they achieved a particular look rather than just saying they look great.
For example: "oh you had your eyebrows plucked, looks nice".
Or "wow, mascara today, any special plans for the evening?"
Or "this new foundation you are wearing really suits you, your skin looks perfect".
Or "you dyed your hair, it suits you".
Or "what a dress, and that shapewear really rocks too".
The team is predominantly middle aged men, with just a few women of different ages here and there, and all her comments seem to be targeted at women.
AIBU to read too much into it, as in it being a bit bitchy? On one hand, she seems to be saying nice things, on another, I feel weird myself when she comments on something that I hope will go unnoticed (such as foundation or shapewear), almost like I am under a constant surveillance from some sort of a beauty police. Maybe because I don't usually notice if someone had changed their foundation or is wearing mascara, but just notice that they look good.

I see them as normal compliments. If I do, then that means it's possible she does too. So I wouldn't go responding all like "oh she's definitely being a bitch", because, what if she's not?

It takes a lot of concentration to notice that some has changed their foundation!
My first thought was that she is highlighting all the artifices women use to enhance their appearance, some more personal than others, dressed as compliments simply to put them down and make them look fake or superficial to the other colleagues.
A genuine compliment would be saying: that dress looks great on You or you look great today

Just ignore and don't give it another thought.

Imagine the other people that hear her saying those things think she's a weirdo.

Can you get her back? "Thanks Brenda. Those highlights really cover your greys btw. Gorgeous." Then walk off.

Yuck. I'd find that very annoying! If she wants to give compliments, she should keep them general. The MOST specific should be about a new item of clothing or maybe a shade of lipstick.

I wonder what would happen if you turned the tables and gave her the same treatment.

even if it's not bitchy, I see it as this from the oP "almost like I am under a constant surveillance from some sort of a beauty police."

I HATE this. It's bad enough when friends say something that makes you feel they are scrutinising your appearance but when colleagues say it, it's a double eek.

It's always been my opinion that my observations relating to the appearance of other women should be kept to myself.

I must be weird in that I wouldn't want to make someone feel scrutinised and self conscious.

I just find it spectacularly arrogant when some people think other people are there awaiting their judgement/approval/personal comments. Who died and appointed them Gok Wan.

Also, just because it's another woman, doesn't make it acceptable to go around judging appearance, in a loud manner nor otherwise.

Imagine a female poster came on here, saying the man who was the deputy manager critiqued her appearance in such a way. The response would be freaking epic. There would be calls for the misogynistic bastard to get the sack.

It is the height of unprofessionalism to make comments on the appearance of anyone in a work environment. People go to work to work, not put themselves up for the daily judgement of the office big head.

Bumpy "Who died and appointed them Gok Wan."

Bumpy wins the thread!!

seriously, those shows. And Trinny & Susannah. Ugh.

Not so much a complement, but telling the others around her that it isn't your skin that looks great, but the great foundation etc. Something external that is doing a the work iyswim

I'm the same, I wouldn't notice why someone looks good.

YABU She's trying to be complimentary without the standard "you look nice/lovely/beautiful", which IS empty and fake a la Real Housewives of Anywhere & Everywhere. Jeez, I wish someone would give me even one of those compliments!

Hmm yep she's got her backhanded compliments down pat, hasn't she?

Sounds definitely deliberate. And commenting on someone's underwear in the office is appalling!! If she does that again, ask her what on earth she thinks she's doing commenting on it?

Back handed compliments pure and simple, basically she cannot day something nice about another woman without pointing out it’s not natural

No one has the right to comment on someone's physical appearance. End of

She is being rude, having a dig while disguising it as a compliment. If you pull her on it she would feign hurt and look for sympathy.

OP send her an anonymous note saying that she is loud and vulgar - pick your time so she won’t know it is you. I think talking about underwear uninvited is extremely rude, there is a big difference between a compliment and a back handed one - I was once told that my feet didn’t look so big in the new shoes I was wearing, dreadful working with people like this, get even!

Start doing it back? Childish maybe but she probably won't understand how uncomfortable it can feel until she's on the receiving end. If she says anything just say "thank you, I've noticed your wearing new shoes, they are so nice and make your feet look so much smaller ( you normally have big feet is what she will hear), not nice to do but sometimes you have to join em to beat em

Maybe she is just trying to show she actually listens/is interested. Definitely reading too much into it.

Or "this new foundation you are wearing really suits you, your skin looks perfect".

Thanks, you should get some, it would make your skin look amazing too

Or "what a dress, and that shapewear really rocks too".

Thanks, you should get some shapewear, it would make such a difference to the dress you're wearing

😁

Sounds bitchy to me, I’d at the very least pull her up on it. ‘Thanks Carol but I don’t need compliments on how I achieve my style’ or just be like... “oh...freshly showered this morning, you smell nice!” See how she likes it.

Jeez, I bet your glass is always half empty!

I have a new colleague who keeps commenting on my clothes. She likened me to Dora the Explorer for example (OK my look wouldn't rock style and beauty). The more I get to know her the more her insecurities show.

Blummin Eck I love your ability to see either meaning! How people operate on that level is way above me!!

Yeah she’s the queen bee and she wants to keep it that way. I have met that type before. She’s putting you guys down subtly.

she's a bitch.