Re dropping BIL off at work

[twelveminutespast]

Not sure if I'm being U here so I'm hoping for some opinions here.

Me and DH work on the same road. However it's a very long road and goes on for a few miles iyswim.

Before Christmas, BIL got a job on the same road, it's in the middle of mine and DH work place. DH one morning suddenly said to me BIL is going to get in with us, can you drop him off at work on the way.

I was miffed about this, as there are two ways to get to DH work. 1st way is very busy and have to go past numerous schools. I actively avoided going that way in the morning because it's an absolutely nightmare. However this is the only way we can go to get to BILs workplace. The other way we used to go took much less time, I could drop DH off and go back down the same route and still get to work on time.

I'm getting stressed every morning because the traffic is so horrendous going the first way in order to drop BIL off. He contributes nothing to petrol costs either. And I'm often late dropping my DS off at childcare before I start work.

I don't know how to approach this situation. aibu here?

[Butterymuffin]

Beggars can't be choosers, eh? I guess he'll have to walk it all then.

[LonginesPrime]

DH can't drive

Well he needs to stop offering people lifts, then!

Can you not just tell him that he'll need to get out with either you or DH but that's you can't take a detour as it's too stressful?

I would start listening to some really annoying audiobooks on the journey.

[EggysMom]

DH can't drive so I'm responsible for getting everyone to where they need to be on time.

This is where you are going wrong. You are responsible for getting yourself to work, and you can (if you want) take responsibility for getting children to school / nursery / childminders / wherever. But you are NOT responsible for getting your DH to work, and you are definitely NOT responsible for getting BIL to work. They are grown adults, they should be responsible for their own commute. If that means asking you for a lift, and fitting their requirements around your necessities, then fine. It doesn't mean imposing on you.

[Apolloanddaphne]

He is just going to have a long walk tomorrow then, isn't her? If he is able bodied a walk of around an hour ( I am guessing) can't be too much of a problem surely?

[Jimjamjong]

how far is it from home? could they cycle together thus saving you precious time to drop DS and go to work by the back road?

[chipmunkcalling]

Make him walk! He's such a cf! If I can walk the very hilly 2 miles to my office, and do the school run whilst 8 months pregnant, he can walk or find an alternative arrangement. He should have thought about how he'd get to his workplace before he got the job, not just hoping for the best with you being a free taxi service.

[Beautiful3]

Oh my, his entitled text! Please dont offer a lift after that! You should tell him not ask him. Say I'm sorry, theres no room in the car for you.

[Quartz2208]

Just state to both that you cant and you will no longer be going out of your way. You can give him a lift on other days to DH work but that is it

[TorkTorkBam]

You get stressed and are late for work so BIL has more money to gamble. Nice. Do you want to fund his habit with your mental health?

Selectively misunderstand his message. "Oh dear, I'm sure you'll work something out. See you after work."

[twelveminutespast]

I've spoken to DH about it and he just doesn't understand where I'm coming from! I've told him that neither of them are getting in my car tomorrow and I'll be having a nice stress free drive to work tomorrow

[KatharinaRosalie]

'No bus fare? Oh dear, too bad, BIL, but car is full and i'm sure you can figure something out!'

CF. He can walk from your work or take the bus.

[TorkTorkBam]

Stick to your word now. You must not crack for tomorrow, no matter what.

[twelveminutespast]

@TorkTorkBam I won't! And I'll enjoy the extra space in the car tomorrow! Lots of room for mine and DS stuff

[DressDrama01]

Hold Firm Op

[BBBear]

Does BIL come to your house in the morning or do you pick him up? Just don’t pick him up tomorrow. And in future if he doesn’t get out the car when you drop DH then just continue with your journey to drop DS and then yourself to work - he’ll end up having to walk from somewhere.

[CallmeAngelina]

Is he hard of thinking?
Dropping bil off means taking a route that is severely congested and is therefore making you late for WORK, which is unacceptable.
Tomorrow, you are taking a large item to WORK, and there will be no room for bil anyway.
What is so hard to understand about that?

[fedup21]

Does your DH drive? How dare he expect you to do this!

[twelveminutespast]

@BBBear He comes to our house. I've offered that he can get in the car with us but I'll be going the less congested way and he can walk. But he didn't want that so again, not my problem!

[Dyrne]

Jesus, what a CF. Assuming he has no mobility issues he can bloody walk from DH’s work.

I’m fat and unfit and I manage to walk 30 mins each way to work every day; rain or shine.

[twelveminutespast]

@fedup21 No he doesn't unfortunately. If he did then he could run around BIL and then maybe he'd understand how irritating it is sitting in backed up traffic

[Travis1]

Send your dh to live with his brother. Pair of cheeky bastards

[twelveminutespast]

@Travis1 BIL is always round at ours anyway (but that's a whole other matter)

[fedup21]

Well, he sounds like he’s managed to get away with it so far.

Well done for finally putting your foot down. Good luck for this morning.

[RandomMess]

Sounds like you actually have a DH problem...

[CallmeAngelina]

Why doesn't he drive? Never learned? Easier to rely on you? Or lost his licence?