Re dropping BIL off at work

[twelveminutespast]

Not sure if I'm being U here so I'm hoping for some opinions here.

Me and DH work on the same road. However it's a very long road and goes on for a few miles iyswim.

Before Christmas, BIL got a job on the same road, it's in the middle of mine and DH work place. DH one morning suddenly said to me BIL is going to get in with us, can you drop him off at work on the way.

I was miffed about this, as there are two ways to get to DH work. 1st way is very busy and have to go past numerous schools. I actively avoided going that way in the morning because it's an absolutely nightmare. However this is the only way we can go to get to BILs workplace. The other way we used to go took much less time, I could drop DH off and go back down the same route and still get to work on time.

I'm getting stressed every morning because the traffic is so horrendous going the first way in order to drop BIL off. He contributes nothing to petrol costs either. And I'm often late dropping my DS off at childcare before I start work.

I don't know how to approach this situation. aibu here?

[Crunchymum]

Is there any reason you can't have this conversation with your DH?

How does the BIL get home?

[saraclara]

"I'm sorry, but this just isn't working. I'm late for work every day because I'm not able to go my usual route. I can drop you at DH's work and you can walk from there, but I'm afraid that's the best I can do"

(Or the equivalent if this for your husband, to tell him what BIL will have to do. Presumably DH doesn't want you losing your job)

[mumwon]

for goodness sake lift to your dh & than he walks from there - be blunt - it isn't working for me - its making me late I need to go quicker way without hold ups or I am going to get sacked because it makes me late - boss had had words blah blah blah

[saraclara]

Just leave earlier

Why on earth should she? It's hard enough getting everyone ready in the morning and in time to get three people PLUS herself, to their workplaces/childcare. Jeeze.

[twelveminutespast]

I don't see why I should leave my house a lot earlier to drop someone off at work who doesn't even say thank you or contribute to the petrol costs. As someone else said it's hard enough getting us out the house every morning

[Pheasantplucker2]

Tell him he can get out with your DH and sort himself out from there. That he's making you late and it's too stressful.

[letmebefrank]

He contributes fuck all and you're jeopardizing your job to accommodate him?

Fuck that.

Tell your DH his brother gets out of the car with him if he still expects rides, too, or they can both find a new way to get to their jobs.

[Poohpooh]

Your DH is an absolute twat for offering your services out like this OP!

Tell DH that BIL needs to make his own way to work from Monday. And if DH objects tell him to take the fucking bus!

[mrsm43s]

Why on earth should she? It's hard enough getting everyone ready in the morning and in time to get three people PLUS herself, to their workplaces/childcare. Jeeze.

No of course she doesn't have to, but given that they all work on the same road, it would seem both a reasonable and environmentally friendly thing to do so. To Mr, it seems a bit petty not to. But I'd expect petrol money (that I'd save for a treat) so that everyone, as well as the environment benefitted from the arrangement.

[HermioneWeasley]

YANBU.

Tell both of them that you’re reverting to your old route and BIL is welcome to get out at your workplace or your DH’s, and it’s going to be £x a week for petrol

[Poohpooh]

@mrsm43s OP is stressed out, a few quid for petrol money isn’t going to help!!

[SapphireSeptember]

Yeah well, walking is even better for the environment, so he can walk, can't he? Why can't he get out of bed earlier to make the journey?

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Do you give him a lift home on an evening, too?

Either way, he's a pain.

[Iloveacurry]

Tell BIL to walk from your DH’s work. Tell him and your DH this drop off set up isn’t working for you. You’re the driver, it’s your car, have you say! It’s not up to your DH.

[Quartz2208]

Have you actually said to your DH you are getting to be late at work.

Tell him this and that either BIL makes his own way or gets out at DH work (or they both get there independently)

How do they get home?

[Apolloanddaphne]

You need to be firm. Tell your DH that you are no longer prepared to take BIL to his work as it is impacting on your ability to drop DS and get to work on time AND it is costing you too much. He will have to tell BIL that he either makes new arrangements or gets out at your DH's work and walks from there.

[AcrossthePond55]

Well, it was very rude of him to offer rides to BiL seeing as how he can't (won't) share the driving load!

I tell DH that you are going to start dropping him AND BiL off at DH's work and if DH doesn't like it he can bloody well learn to drive or he can pay out of his own pocket for a taxi for poor BiL from his work to BiL's.

[CoraPirbright]

Present a fait accompli! Bright and breezy. “Work are beginning to get pissed off that I am always late. I can’t risk the sack so what’s going to happen from now on is that BIL will get dropped with you, DH, and walk the rest of the way.” No one can really say that you are being unreasonable if your job is in jeopardy and there are plenty of places were persistent lateness is a serious black mark.

[Wanteddownunder]

Just tell him to walk from your dh work then.
15 mins is nothing when he’s getting a free ride the rest of the way.
He should be going out of his way to get the free lift not the other way around

[simplekindoflife]

What does your DH say about this?

Seriously, you've tried, it's not working, so it's a no brainier. Do your preferred route and bil can choose where to jump out and walk.

[FamBae]

I don't think a 20 minute walk is unreasonable for a free lift.

[carly2803]

tell him to walk!!
your DH is a cheeky sod as this has no impact on him at all and he looks like the hero!

[AnneLovesGilbert]

They’re cut from the same cloth aren’t they. Quite hurtful he’s prioritising his brother’s comfort and employment over yours.

[saraclara]

@mrsm43s do you have to get a small child ready in the morning, then deliver two adults AND the child to three different locations before you can focus on getting yourself ready for work?

That would absolutely do my head in, and if it was DH doing the driving, I suspect this arrangement wouldn't be happening.