Re dropping BIL off at work

[twelveminutespast]

Not sure if I'm being U here so I'm hoping for some opinions here.

Me and DH work on the same road. However it's a very long road and goes on for a few miles iyswim.

Before Christmas, BIL got a job on the same road, it's in the middle of mine and DH work place. DH one morning suddenly said to me BIL is going to get in with us, can you drop him off at work on the way.

I was miffed about this, as there are two ways to get to DH work. 1st way is very busy and have to go past numerous schools. I actively avoided going that way in the morning because it's an absolutely nightmare. However this is the only way we can go to get to BILs workplace. The other way we used to go took much less time, I could drop DH off and go back down the same route and still get to work on time.

I'm getting stressed every morning because the traffic is so horrendous going the first way in order to drop BIL off. He contributes nothing to petrol costs either. And I'm often late dropping my DS off at childcare before I start work.

I don't know how to approach this situation. aibu here?

Let him walk the rest of the way. 15-20 minutes is nothing

mrsm43s
Just leave earlier. I can't see how you are leaving as early as possible, you can always get up and leave a bit earlier. Ask BIL to contribute towards petrol costs.

Yeah OP - do this. In fact, why don’t you leave home a good hour earlier and maybe do a bit of housework or stick a washing on for BIL to save him the effort!

Or tell him it’s not working - he’s a chancer and your DH is massively disrespecting you.

Is there a bus from your DH's workplace? If not , your BIL will have to walk or cycle.

Is there a reason why you can't tell him he has to walk from DH's work? 20 mins is nothing.

He and your dh can't seriously think the knock on effect of giving him a lift is ok?

Drop him as near to his work as you can without taking yourself out of your own wau
It won't hurt him to walk a bit

I agree BIL needs to walk the last bit.

You have a 'D'H problem not a BIL problem.

Your H should have discussed it with you first. As a non-driver he is hardly in a position to be offering lifts when it's not him doing the work.

Tell your H that he needs to speak to BIL and explain that there are two options - either you drop him and H off at the same time and BIL walks the remaining 15min, or you stop doing lifts altogether and BIL makes his own way there.

Your H needs to understand this is non-negotiable and that if he doesn't have the conversation then you won't be giving either of them a lift as you'll be going straight to the CM and then on to your own work.

Why is this difficult to raise with them? Are they difficult men? Sulkers?

Tell him he has to walk from DH office. Why is that an issue?

How did BIL get to work previously? I would be seriously annoyed about this. You should not have to feel stressed about running late.

15-20 is a nice, easy little walk. Perfect for waking up and stretching a bit on the way in. Tell him it's not working for you and you''ll be dropping him at DH's work form now on.

He can walk for 15 minutes. That’s nothing for a walk to work tbh. I used to walk for about 30 minutes each way daily...we moved further away from my work so then had to drive...I was much fitter when I was doing a daily walk tbh!

My kids walk 15 mins to school, and hime again. It isn’t that far.

Either he walks 15 minutes, or you loose 15 minutes in traffic driving him. Which is most fair do you think, is his time more valuable than yours?

Fuck that, he should absolutely walk. Drop him off with your DH. Alternatively BIL can make his own arrangements like the grown up that he is.

I wouldn't dream of charging family petrol money for this. I would say he's welcome to get a lift but walk from DHs work.

If you driving him makes you about 15 minutes late, then that is 1 hour and 15 minutes you are missing out on other things (family time) a week. So about 5 hours a month. For someone who doesn’t even say thank you.

Unless you're afraid of making your husband angry (in which case, you have bigger problems), I'd tell him that it's not working for the reasons you've given. Surely he'll see that he's asking too much, and you can work out between you whether to stop giving BIL lifts altogether or tell him you'll drop him at X spot and he can walk the rest of the way.

Tell him you're worried for his health and want to be sure he's getting enough exercise.

You asked people have told you. So you either put up with them both being prioritised over you, or you tell them?

However if you want to be an arse drive to bil work and then to yours. Dh can walk

Can you drop DH off at Bil's workplace and DH can do the 15/20 min walk? If it inconveniences him maybe he will miraculously decide to tell his brother to sod off and save you having to do it?

I’m sure he’ll survive a 15 minute walk to work. Just drop him at your DHs work and leave them to it, if he doesn’t like it he can get a taxi or cycle?

So annoying when people who don't drive don't realise it's not a simple as "just giving a lift". They totally take it for granted because they won't want have no idea re travel times or logistics of the route etc because they dont have to pay attention

Agree, he walks the last bit from now on. Tell them you're going back to the previous route and when they ask why say 'Driver's choice. It's making me late to do it the other way'.

Update: asked BIL can he get the bus tomorrow as I have something large to take to work and I only have a small car, so there isn't going to be room for that and DS things and his pram. I'd have to put my things on the spare seat where he usually sits.

Reply was he doesn't get paid until Friday so he can't. Ffs.

He "can't?"
Not your problem.