Re dropping BIL off at work

[twelveminutespast]

Not sure if I'm being U here so I'm hoping for some opinions here.

Me and DH work on the same road. However it's a very long road and goes on for a few miles iyswim.

Before Christmas, BIL got a job on the same road, it's in the middle of mine and DH work place. DH one morning suddenly said to me BIL is going to get in with us, can you drop him off at work on the way.

I was miffed about this, as there are two ways to get to DH work. 1st way is very busy and have to go past numerous schools. I actively avoided going that way in the morning because it's an absolutely nightmare. However this is the only way we can go to get to BILs workplace. The other way we used to go took much less time, I could drop DH off and go back down the same route and still get to work on time.

I'm getting stressed every morning because the traffic is so horrendous going the first way in order to drop BIL off. He contributes nothing to petrol costs either. And I'm often late dropping my DS off at childcare before I start work.

I don't know how to approach this situation. aibu here?

[twelveminutespast]

@CallmeAngelina I'm furious!

[VettiyaIruken]

That's not your problem.

Your mistake was asking him.
You should have told him.

[CallmeAngelina]

So, you tell him that, as you've stated, you have no room for him tomorrow so he will have to sort something out for himself.
I think, though, that getting shot of him re: lifts is going to be harder than you think. Do you have your dh on-side with this?
Why doesn't he drive, by the way?

[StiffUpperQuip]

it would seem both a reasonable and environmentally friendly thing to do so. To Mr, it seems a bit petty not to.

Well he can buy a fucking bike then and save the planet and OP can leave on time and not early just to satisfy one grown adult who is incapable of getting himself to work without relying on the generosity of others.

OP it was very rude if your DH to offer YOUR services as chauffeur to his brother and even more rude that your receive no thanks nor remuneration for it.

Tell your DH that it's no longer working as it's making you late for work and very stressed trying to get your child to nursery.

[Wanteddownunder]

Exactly @VettiyaIruken
He’s taking the piss big style

[MyNewBearTotoro]

It’s not your problem if he can’t. He’ll have to find another way to get there then and learn to budget so that he still has money left between paydays.

Alternatively I would tell him you can only drop him off at DH’s work as you can’t go down that road anymore because it’s making you late. From DH’s work he will have to make the 15/20 minute walk on foot. That’s definitely an easy distance for a young man with no health issues to walk every day.

[Muddlingalongalone]

How was BIL planning to get to work when he applied for the job??

[Wanteddownunder]

Op why did you ask him? That shows him that it’s optional.

[GoodDogBellaBoo]

He can’t? Well, neither can you.

[twelveminutespast]

I've told him there's no space yet he feels entitled to a lift every morning. It's put me in such a difficult situation. He's terrible at managing money and is a gambler, even more so it isn't my problem he can't spare a bus fare

[Wimpeyspread]

Tell your DH to give his brother the bus fare

[Loli2]

Just reply "Oh what a pity. How will you get to work?"

[LouHotel]

NO is a complete sentence!

Don’t know why you lied just tell him he has to walk from DH’s work tomorrow, walking is free.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

Cheeky bugger. He can't get into a car with no room. Just make sure of that.

[katkit]

Aghhh!! Annoyed reading this. So cheeky of him.

[ChristmasCarcass]

Oh well, your DH will have to take the bus then won’t he? Since his brother “can’t”. Maybe that will focus his mind a bit.

[Nanasueathome]

How does BIL get home from work?

[GoodDogBellaBoo]

Why did you ask him? That’s your problem right there.

[Queenoftheashes]

Little shite. Definitely make sure there’s no room and ideally tell him or have your DH tell him to grow up and sort his life out

[heartsonacake]

Just reply with something like:

“Sorry, I think you have misunderstood me. By asking if you could make your own way to work tomorrow, I was simply being polite, so now I need to be blunt. There is no space for you tomorrow; you will need to make your own arrangements to get to work.”

[JaneDarcy]

YANBU. Tell DH he'll have to lend his brother £2 for the bus

[Gazelda]

Tell your DH of his DB's problem and tell him they need to sort it out amongst themselves. Which one of them will be in the car, which getting the bus.

And while you're on the subject, you can't continue being late for work. His DB will need to get out with DH and walk from there, or find another solution.

And tell your DH that his offering the lift to BIL without asking first was disrespectful. One of them needs to learn to drive.

[twelveminutespast]

I can't believe the audacity of it. He feels so entitled. I won't be taking either of them at this rate. I had space for DH but he can piss off as well

[fedup21]

Your DH and his brother sounds like a pair of pisstakers. Why is it your job to get everyone to work?! Are they 17?

How did they cope before you came along?

[BelieveInPeople]

well you need to be in the car, and your child needs to be in the car - so that leaves one space which could be taken up by your DH or your BIL - alert your DH to this and ask whether he will get the bus or sub his brother to - they are taking the piss. And I would let them know that as of Monday the arrangement ends, he gets out at your DH’s drop off and walks, no negotiation, ludicrous that you’re being held responsible for these grown men getting to work whilst being made late for your own work.