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AIBU?

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Original poster

Re dropping BIL off at work

478 replies

twelveminutespast · 12/02/2020 18:45

Not sure if I'm being U here so I'm hoping for some opinions here.

Me and DH work on the same road. However it's a very long road and goes on for a few miles iyswim.

Before Christmas, BIL got a job on the same road, it's in the middle of mine and DH work place. DH one morning suddenly said to me BIL is going to get in with us, can you drop him off at work on the way.

I was miffed about this, as there are two ways to get to DH work. 1st way is very busy and have to go past numerous schools. I actively avoided going that way in the morning because it's an absolutely nightmare. However this is the only way we can go to get to BILs workplace. The other way we used to go took much less time, I could drop DH off and go back down the same route and still get to work on time.

I'm getting stressed every morning because the traffic is so horrendous going the first way in order to drop BIL off. He contributes nothing to petrol costs either. And I'm often late dropping my DS off at childcare before I start work.

I don't know how to approach this situation. aibu here?

OP posts:
Happygirl79 · 15/02/2020 18:18

Tell him its not your problem
I really couldn't put up with it
Just say no

ddraigygoch · 15/02/2020 18:18

Threads moved on slightly...

Tas1984 · 15/02/2020 18:33

Oh my god that sounds terrible! Maybe he spoke in the heat of the moment but he owes you a huge apology. As for the BIL I think you should stand up to him and say if your not going to be respectful to me in my home then there’s the door, leave.

MotherofTerriers · 15/02/2020 19:00

That's awful. Ask him how he'd feel if your family just walked into your house on Friday and Saturday, chose what they wanted on the tv and ignored him
If that doesn't make him see sense the LTB

FelicisNox · 15/02/2020 19:15

Your DH can take him, it's not your responsibility and it's impacting on your work and stress levels.

Not only that but who wants to listen to other peoples crap 1st thing? Tell your DH and get him to deal with it.

Rachel709 · 15/02/2020 20:19

I think you need to evaluate your whole relationship. If your husband thinks your brother is so important maybe he needs to move in with him. You need to tell if things don't change you are done. I would also cancel the sports channel he comes round to watch.

ohfourfoxache · 15/02/2020 20:27

I don’t understand how you could possibly want to be with him after this Sad

Original poster
twelveminutespast · 15/02/2020 20:35

Thanks everyone for checking back on this thread to see if I'm ok. I haven't spoken to H properly today. I am taking the time to evaluate whether or not this relationship continues. Even if it does, it needs a lot of work. There have been a few issues brewing for a while and the whole thing about giving BIL a lift was just the tip of the iceberg.

I'm not sure where to go from here. At the minute I don't even have the energy to confront him further. Have told MIL I don't want any visitors for the foreseeable future. She has messaged me to ask if I'm ok but I simply haven't responded and I don't plan to do so, for fear of saying something in anger

OP posts:
cstaff · 15/02/2020 20:43

Look after yourself. I hope your dh grows up and realises what an ass his brother is. Good luck.

sunshinesky · 15/02/2020 20:50

Your BIL should not be welcome in your house until he apologises to you for his rudeness.

Your H has no respect for you and needs to grow up. Do not back down on the lifts - you can’t be late for work everyday, especially for saving a grown man walking for 20mins!
Good luck Flowers

sonjadog · 15/02/2020 21:00

Hmm. Sounds like you and your DH need some serious conversation about your relationship and if it has a future. Certainly, it isn't in a good place at the moment and he needs a serious shift in attitude.

Tas1984 · 15/02/2020 21:00

You have to do what’s right for you. But you can’t be the only one fighting. Has to be him aswell. I wish you all the best in this. I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling x

Original poster
twelveminutespast · 15/02/2020 21:11

Update - I have just found out this DH has refollowed a woman he knew a couple of years ago on Instagram Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
twelveminutespast · 15/02/2020 21:13

Sorry I didn't mention that this woman caused a few problems back then

OP posts:
Mycatismadeofstringcheese · 15/02/2020 21:13

Oh shit. Did he do that today or a while ago?

Noshowlomo · 15/02/2020 21:14

What a pair of cheeky CFs! Bloody man-child your BIL is

Original poster
twelveminutespast · 15/02/2020 21:14

@Mycatismadeofstringcheese I don't know. I only just found out. I feel blindsided and I don't know what to think now.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 15/02/2020 21:20

Time to think about what you want going forward.
Have you outgrown him?
Do you have different visions for the future?

Mycatismadeofstringcheese · 15/02/2020 21:24

I’m not surprised how you feel. Even if nothing is going on why would he be bringing that agro back into your lives?

Does he know you know about the follow?

billy1966 · 15/02/2020 22:40

OP, so sorry. This is very very upsetting for you.
And hurtful.

You know, just as we do that you deserve so much better than these wasters.

FlowersFlowers

k1233 · 15/02/2020 22:59

Can you get some time away to yourself over the weekend? Visit your family or a friend. Just get some space and think about your relationship, how you feel, where you want to go.

Only you will know what's right for you and how you want to move forward. But you need time to yourself to reflect and work out what you really want.

Personally with the tv, I'd see if it has a child lock and if it did, I'd lock it to children's channels only...

GreenTulips · 15/02/2020 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread.

Jokie · 15/02/2020 23:56

What a petty thing to do. Did you ask him why? Or have you still not had time to talk to him properly?

CanuckBC · 16/02/2020 01:25

Your “h” is being an ass. He is not fulfilling his marriage promises. He is not putting your little family first by any means.

The following this woman is just another jab to say I can’t do what I want when I want because I want to, up yours. He seems to think it should be all about him. He has forgotten that a relationship is about both peoples wants and needs.

Is there any way you can go to counseling? If you want it to work at all that may be your only chance.

He seems so caught up in his own self he’s not seeing you at all. So wrong.

Friendsofmine · 16/02/2020 01:36

I think sadly you and your husband have let things slide and brew for too long.

Time to go to marriage counselling, which can help you decide whether to split or not.

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