Re dropping BIL off at work

[twelveminutespast]

Not sure if I'm being U here so I'm hoping for some opinions here.

Me and DH work on the same road. However it's a very long road and goes on for a few miles iyswim.

Before Christmas, BIL got a job on the same road, it's in the middle of mine and DH work place. DH one morning suddenly said to me BIL is going to get in with us, can you drop him off at work on the way.

I was miffed about this, as there are two ways to get to DH work. 1st way is very busy and have to go past numerous schools. I actively avoided going that way in the morning because it's an absolutely nightmare. However this is the only way we can go to get to BILs workplace. The other way we used to go took much less time, I could drop DH off and go back down the same route and still get to work on time.

I'm getting stressed every morning because the traffic is so horrendous going the first way in order to drop BIL off. He contributes nothing to petrol costs either. And I'm often late dropping my DS off at childcare before I start work.

I don't know how to approach this situation. aibu here?

Unbelievable

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3815774-How-can-I-get-my-BF-to-understand-our-situation-just-isnt-working-for-me-anymore-LONG
This could be your DH's next relationship. Where he lives at home with his mum and bro, and the bro is there on every date and once a week on a Wednesday the mum cooks dinner for them all and then mum and bro go out for an hour so that he can shag his girlfriend.

Just say no? He can walk from your work if he wants?

Sorry missed some pages of the thread... Things have way more escalated. 💐OP.

Hope you’re ok this morning OP.

Ring virgin and ask them to block football for the foreseeable

Hope you’re ok!

Go out for the day. Take the virgin box with you!

Hope you’re ok

I agree with the pp who say you need to stand your ground now, it’s always harder to do it a second time.

Often non drivers do not understand the impact of having to drop others off or driving another route. Add to that the expectation and no gratitude and it’s a total piss take.

May as well tackle the whole BIL issue at once, stop the BIL treating your home as his and absolutely no way change your route to work. As a pp said it is not your responsibility to get them there.

Good Luck

Am I the only one who thinks OP has massively escalated this situation? All it took was a conversation with DH and BIL about how much longer and harder the journey was with BIL drop off so could she drop them together at DH work? But instead she decided to say "There's no room for either of you tomorrow, make your own way to work" apropos of nothing. Then, having created a situation between DH and BIL has now decided to turn around and say "oh, and your brother isn't welcome here at weekends either." I imagine your DH thinks you've just decided you don't like your BIL and are now making it difficult to see each other. I think you could have handled this much better.

Maybe OP has decided she’s been a doormat long enough and the worm has turned!!!!

And BIL and DH could watch the football elsewhere - as BIL lives with mummy they could hang round her house instead and leave the OP in peace.

She’s not his personal driver or entertainer, she the unpaid slave.

@stepaway she did she gave a compromise but her bil refused it. Then her H took his brother side and stopped speaking to her.

@StepAwayFromGoogle Can you please read the full thread before commenting? I offered to still take both H & BIL in the morning, with the condition that I could go the less congested route and BIL could walk the 15/20 minutes walk down the road to his own work.

Once I'd said this to H he then said he would just get the bus to and from work. I offered again to still take him and he didnt want me to

What’s the update, @twelveminutespast ?

Yes, but the compromise was offered after the OP had already decided her car was full and told DH and BIL they couldn't have a lift the following day. Giving family members lifts to work isn't being a doormat. Neither is having your BIL round at the weekend. All OP had to do was have an adult conversation with two other adults. But, goaded on by MN, she seems to have decided to be confrontational instead. Apparently BIL being round at the weekend wasn't an issue until halfway through the thread.

StepAwayFromGoogle the op is taking her DC to nursery before work. Both bil and DH should fit around that so she isn't late.

People that don't want to speak to you should stay out of your home. Your H could go to his parents house, your bil could pay for his own Virgin media at his parents house.

@twelveminutespast - I did RTFT. I just think you could have approached the situation much more maturely and saved the fall out.

WTF?! Her car was full she had to take something to work. She didn't make that up?!

The inability for people to read on MN is not a good indicator of the British education system.

How are you this morning? I hope your husband has come to his senses.

@stepawayfromgoogle - what do you expect OP to do? Forcibly remove BIL from the car when dropping her DH off at work and he doesn't get out?

Mind, if he didn't I think I would be tempted to continue on my easiest route and if BIL didn't get out until I had got to work, well that's his lookout isn't it.

My oh sometimes gives me a lift home from the train station after work. If he does want to I get a bus. I don't expect him to.

I also considered how I would get to and from work under my own steam before I accepted my job. I didn't factor in someone else helping.

When dc were little we made arrangements around them. If someone gives me a lift, I expect the journey to suit them.

Hope you’re ok OP 💐

@theswordthatdangles - what I would expect is that when the OP realised how much this was affecting her sat her DH and BIL down and said 'look, I know I've been driving you both to work but it's really having an impact on me. I have to get DC to childcare and go a really long, complicated, busy route to work to get you both to your work. I'm knackered. By the time I get to work I'm really stressed. What else could we do? Could you get the bus together? Or I could drop you both at DHs work? What do you think? I can't keep doing what we're doing at the moment'.