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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask why people announce baby names before it’s born?

195 replies

LLBandTTC · 11/02/2020 22:44

I don’t remember the last person that I know who had a baby and didn’t announce the name before it was even born, I don’t understand why you would? What if baby is born and they don’t suit it, etc? Just interested to know if anyone here has announced their babies name before birth and if so, why? (Not a dig, just curious)

OP posts:

Jeleste · 12/02/2020 12:08

We called the babies their name when we spoke about them. As in 'we finally got the nursery ready for 'tom'. So glad thats ready now.' instead of saying 'the baby' which seemed less personal.

addictedtotheflats · 12/02/2020 12:08

I dont believe that a baby needs to look like a name at birth. We shared our DS name before he was born as we loved the name (very uncommon in the UK yet not too "out there") and tbh I dont feel like he actually "suited" his name for a couple of months. Now though, at 9 months I couldn't think of him being called anything else.

Yesterdayforgotten · 12/02/2020 12:10

We still say the baby sometimes now about our second dc. I guess they are the baby of the family so it is like a term of endearment in a way.

IanSomerhalderIsAGod · 12/02/2020 12:11

Oh god, a baby suits whatever name it's given. 🙄
Mind your own.

lowlandLucky · 12/02/2020 12:11

I know i shouldnt have laughed (but i did) , a couple were desperate to find out the wether they were having a boy or girl so they could decorate the Nursery, they were told they were having a girl so spent a fortune on "girly" furniture and painted a wall barbie pink and had a huge wall sticker made with the babys name on it. The spent a fortune on a pink pram and lots of designer baby girl clothes. They had a boy

IanSomerhalderIsAGod · 12/02/2020 12:11

Why does having a baby have to be a surprise?
What is the point?

Avelinebread · 12/02/2020 12:15

What is the MN obsession with 'uncommon' names. I don't get why you can only name your kid something unusual. The only people who give a fuck are their teachers who find the ridiculous spelling along with so called unique pronunciation tedious and makes you one the parents they take the piss out of.

IanSomerhalderIsAGod · 12/02/2020 12:36

@Avelinebread aren't you precious

Yesterdayforgotten · 12/02/2020 12:36

It's funny as all these supposed 'uncommon' names at some point tend to gain popularity and then become trendy. They all go around in a circle. One day there will be alot of old people called Charlie, Archie, Freddie, Oscar, Ava, Evie, Isabella, Sophia etc. Its better l just chose name you like and not based on it being uncommon etc.

Yesterdayforgotten · 12/02/2020 12:38

And Avelinebread how mature! I doubt teachers would go on like that to be honest and if they do they shouldn't be teaching children

Alwaysscrolling · 12/02/2020 12:38

To add a bit of perspective, my pregnancy wasn’t planned and although I knew I would have liked a child eventually I wasn’t ready at that moment. By finding out the gender and naming my baby before he was here, it allowed me to start getting used to him.

Avelinebread · 12/02/2020 12:41

So says someone who never sat in a staff room they don't sit around talking about curriculum you know

Enchiladas · 12/02/2020 12:41

We picked the name for our first within probably a couple of weeks of finding out I was pregnant. So when people asked us about names we'd tell them.

Yesterdayforgotten · 12/02/2020 12:48

Avelinebread you don't know who has and hasn't sat in a staff room. Also I dont think 'taking the piss' of parents as you put it is quite the same as gossiping about something off topic

qazxc · 12/02/2020 12:49

Different strokes for different folks.
Some people want to know gender, some want a surprise.
Personally I don't think that a baby can't not suit a name. I don't think anyone would peer in a pram and go " he's gorgeous, but he doesn't look like a Fred though".

doadeer · 12/02/2020 12:50

We came back really high risk of a problem at 12 week scan and we ended up finding out sex of baby early. When we found there were no problems it was such a relief, for me I wanted to name the baby then. I had a nasty pregnancy and for me it helped me to call him by his name. So everyone knew our name choice. I think that's different to a gender reveal party

MarchDaffs · 12/02/2020 12:55

I agree ian, personally I found having the human emerge from me a pretty surprising process in itself! My surprise quota for the day was all used up both times.

crispysausagerolls · 12/02/2020 13:01

@Jeleste

Quite! Same here.

I have my baby boys name chosen and I'm 99.9% sure it won't be changed but I've only told close family/a couple of friends! I think it's nice to keep it to ourselves for now

Not really keeping it to yourself then are you! 😂

DobbyLovesSocks · 12/02/2020 13:07

At our 20 week scan the sonographer asked if we wanted to know, we both quickly said 'No' and after a couple of seconds of surprise the sonographer said how nice it was we were keeping it a surprise. Plenty of people asked what we were having and i would flippantly reply 'a baby'. When pressed I would say we hadn't found out. A couple of people asked us why or wanted to know why we didn't want to know. Most people said how lovely it was we were keeping it a surprise
When DS was born we had a name picked out that only we knew - midwife asked if we had a name for his tag and I checked with DH that he was still happy with the name we had. Middle name was decided long before DS was even conceived - his dad's name. If we had had a girl it would have been my mum's name (I don't like my name very much). Our DS is one of two children in the school with his name (I think) but there are plenty of Harry's, Jack's and Oscar's.
We gave DS a nickname during pregnancy so we weren't calling it 'it' throughout the entire pregnancy. We haven't used that nickname since DS has been born though

ShinyGiratina · 12/02/2020 13:11

I remember going to see an overdue friend who was sitting and calling her large abdomen "Ellie". I'm sure it made perfect sense to her, but to anyone else, it is very abstract to hear an abdomen being talked about in that way. She went on to be induced, and that dragged out and got to the point where you knew that at some point in the next 24 hours, you were going to get a text announcing that "Ellie" had arrived, and made it seem like old news because the birth weight was the only piece of news left to share. A shame not to feel more excited after the days of physical effort that her poor mother went through.

I wonder if the "not looking like x" comes from the fact that for all the scans you can have, you don't actually meet them until they are born, and most people visualise a new baby as a nice squishy 3 month old rather than a grumpy incarnation of Winston Churchill, and it is just a hit of reality over the abstract. I did "know" our boy/ girl names but there was the space to change our minds if we needed to. Friends suffered a bereavement days before one birth and that caused a last minute change of names.

I didn't find out the sex at either scan. I didn't want to risk getting the wrong information and I was happy to keep my options on baby clothing/ equipment neutral for any future siblings. There was a text for family and a fb post following to say that (insert full name) had been born at (insert time) weighing (insert excessive weight). Job done. I will admit to theraputic moaning in late pregnancy due to the early days of oversharing on fb, plenty of friends who were/ had recently been at a similar stage of life, and the sheer boredom of life being dominated by restrictive and painful complications of pregnancy. No baby showers, just a straighforward Christening some months later.

Curiously older people often asked if I knew what I was having, and on the reply of not finding out, often smiled and commented that that was the best way. There does seem to be a generational split on delayed/ instant gratification.

DobbyIsAGoodElf · 12/02/2020 13:14

We didn't announce or tell anyone my of dc names before they were born.

I also don't believe you can choose a name based on how they look as a newborn. The name we had picked for DS1 didn't 'suit' at the beginning but I don't think any name would have. Years later though and I couldn't imagine him being anything else. They grow into their name.

PandaCat · 12/02/2020 13:15

We didn't announce the name, but when family members asked if we had a name we told them.

Once it was picked we were positive that was it, we had no back up names in case they didn't look like the name, for either DC!

OurChristmasMiracle · 12/02/2020 13:20

I didn’t because tbh I was scared to name my son. I’d had 2 missed miscarriages and as a result was scared to think I might actually have a happy outcome this time.

As we got closer to birth we thought about names and actually it was a name someone suggested that stuck.

We didn’t announce on social media I was pregnant or that we had a child.

85notout · 12/02/2020 13:23

I think it's better to wait, you could decide to call your child Ebony and then they are born with masses of ginger hair or call them May but then they arrive in April or June.

crispysausagerolls · 12/02/2020 13:26

@DobbyLovesSocks

Can you please explain how it was more of a surprise to find out exactly the same thing at 40 weeks as at 20?

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