Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why people announce baby names before it’s born?

195 replies

LLBandTTC · 11/02/2020 22:44

I don’t remember the last person that I know who had a baby and didn’t announce the name before it was even born, I don’t understand why you would? What if baby is born and they don’t suit it, etc? Just interested to know if anyone here has announced their babies name before birth and if so, why? (Not a dig, just curious)

OP posts:
annielouise · 12/02/2020 09:22

I think it could be largely a generation thing. I'm a bit older, I felt it standard you don't announce a pregnancy in the first 12 weeks in case you have a miscarriage. These were in the days where you kept your business private though and wouldn't want to broadcast that. Things are different now, of course.

SW16 · 12/02/2020 09:46

We didn’t make it a ‘massive secret’ or do a ‘big reveal’ after the birth.

There are ways to just get on and live your life without viewing everything as a performance.

Just said ‘don’t know yet’ about sex, and ‘haven’t settled yet’ on names, and let everyone make their suggestions (my work colleagues being especially ridiculous).

All low key.

Ravenfeet · 12/02/2020 09:46

I wasn't allowed to name mine until some time after the birth. My daughter was 4 weeks and my son was 3 weeks. In DH's culture you wait and traditionally reveal the name at the christening. We aren't Christian so we had naming parties instead. He would NOT finalise anything before and I couldn't name them unilaterally! I probably would have decided before birth, though, if it were up to me because I think babies can really grow into almost any name. In fact I had basically decided son's name before birth, but had to be casual about it and allow DH to decide it suited him. He was very concerned about choosing the wrong name!
But the naming parties were a lot of fun and I've really enjoyed all the naming parties in the family so I see the upsides of the tradition. One cousin didn't have his naming party until 8 months old though, which I thought was a bit much and was technically illegal although nothing happened except the parents received a stern letter telling them to get on with it.

aprilstory · 12/02/2020 09:51

I didn’t know about this culture of not telling baby names before birth, so I told every single person around me Grin Now I understand why some of my NCT friends looked Hmm

It is very common to decide on a baby name before birth where I come from, so I still don’t get it. If you like the name, just go for it. ‘He doesn’t look like Freddie thing’ just doesn’t make sense.

Pineappletree33 · 12/02/2020 09:56

We didn’t. Didn’t even know what sex we were having. I didn’t want people’s judgement so kept it to myself.

Oceanblueeyes21 · 12/02/2020 10:02

My brother and his partner announced their childrens names and genders before the birth. I think it is just a very modern thing that people do these days.

I am quite traditional and by personal choice, I will keep everything a secret until birth. I will only consider finding out the gender if I am having multiples as planning for more than one baby when you do not know the sex sounds so exhausting.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 12/02/2020 10:05

We didn't find out the sex or tell anyone our names before either of our DC were born. Main reasons were because people would tell us their opinion on names and I didn't want to get the pregnancy rage on and give them my opinion back! I also wanted to reduce the risk of someone trying to claim a name (that's what I want to call my future child - ODFOD).
I'm guessing I'm one of those awful people though who did a big social media reveal afterwards like a new royal had been born though!! I didn't even put on social media that I was pregnant until after baby had safely arrived (my mum had multiple still births so I'm horribly aware that nothing is safe till baby is here). So pic of baby and announced that they had arrived safely (with first name - no one needs middle name etc info!) would be the first that some people would know (though all family and friends would have been told by message/call first).

Winterwoollies · 12/02/2020 10:09

The responses to this are quite interesting. It never occurred to me that anyone other than my family and best friends would give any kind of a shit over the fact that I was pregnant, let alone its gender and proposed name. I still don’t to be honest. I’ve not ‘announced’ anything, just told close people who’ve thought to ask.

I don’t care if anyone is offended or for some odd reason felt entitled to a ‘surprise’ over a birth that didn’t have anything to do with them. Maybe I’m being obtuse, I don’t know.

Pregnancy does bring out weird entitled sides to other people though, it would seem. What with all the judgement and unsolicited advice I’ve received so far along the way...

EssentialHummus · 12/02/2020 10:16

I just didn’t want people’s opinions, even though we had more or less decided the name. As it was I had everyone and their dog offering suggestions.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 12/02/2020 10:27

Who are parents meant to be surprising with keeping the name secret until the baby is born? You? You are not that important!

Correct - nobody is saying that you make a massive cliffhanger of it, just that you might wait until the baby is born and then calmly tell any interested people the baby's name. No fanfare or anything. If people aren't interested enough to meet your baby or find out their name after they've been born, why would they care to know their name before they're born?

Each to their own, but I think it's the massive gender reveals with games, pink/blue balloons, cakes etc all based around forced jollity to discover which way a mundane 50/50 chance happens to have fallen.

Personally, and I know others feel differently, it doesn't seem especially strange telling people that you're having a boy or a girl (I wouldn't want to find out unless medically advisable, though) - it's just the early revealing of the individual baby's name that I personally think particularly spoils a nice surprise. Live and let live, though.

Marahute · 12/02/2020 10:28

I'm with you OP, I don't get it. We didn't find out what sex we were having (either time), but even if we had... I wouldn't have been announcing a name before the babies were born. I needed to meet them before naming them. Although I appreciate all babies look more or less the same, but with both of mine I got a feeling about which name felt right. Although I accept they would probably have come to suit any name they were given, but that's just how I felt about it.

I wonder if sometimes people announce the name ASAP due to not wanting anyone else to use "their" name in the meantime? That seems to often be a topic of conversation around MN, and I suppose announcing the intention to use a name ASAP may help avoid that?

I find pre-announcing the sex, name, future occupation, etc. weird. Although appreciate that is just me and my opinion. I love the surprise when friends babies are born, and we often have a sweepstake on birth stats for fun. Those friends who had already shared literally everything about their unborn child in advance I was a bit "meh!" when the baby arrived... as it was already "old news" (and let's face it other people's children aren't really that exciting to anyone other than the expectant parents/immediate family/very close friends)...

I just think there's no sense of anticipation these days. The world (generally) is all about instant gratification! I totally blame social media... Grin

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 12/02/2020 10:34

I just didn’t want people’s opinions, even though we had more or less decided the name. As it was I had everyone and their dog offering suggestions.

Yes, that's very true. However certain you are of the name you've chosen, before the birth, people will treat it as just an intention, which is open to criticism, suggestions and persuasions.

Only the most brazen CFs will criticise or try to talk you out of a name once the baby has actually been born and introduced with that name. Unless your surname is Fiddler and you've called your new son Adil, maybe Grin

wornoutboots · 12/02/2020 10:42

I named all of mine (to myself) because I knew miscarriage was likely and I couldn't bear to havemy babies leave me un-named.

we didn't tell anyone else the names, though

EssentialHummus · 12/02/2020 10:44

My favourite we was my dad, piping up with a Swahili name he liked very much that he thought we should use. Are we Kenyan? No we aren't.

Yesterdayforgotten · 12/02/2020 10:48

EssentialHummus oh my was your DF being serious too? My df thought it was necessarily to list all the 'acceptable' names he would approve of and anything else is out of bounds Confused we obviously didnt follow suit once baby was born and chose a name ourselves Hmm

Yesterdayforgotten · 12/02/2020 10:49

necessary ^

Yesterdayforgotten · 12/02/2020 10:49

Ot necessarily appropriate Grin

crispysausagerolls · 12/02/2020 10:54

I will never ever understand how it’s any less of a surprise to find out the sex at 20 weeks as at birth. It’s literally the exact same information and you are finding it out at a different time. It’s a surprise whenever you find it out!

It’s not necessary to “announce” sex or name but why not share? It’s like a weird control thing not to.

Sweetbabycheezits · 12/02/2020 10:55

It took ages for us to name both our dcs...the middle names were family names, but first names changed a couple of times before we decided, so we didn't tell anyone until they were born.
Also, we found out the genders of both, so we wanted there to be at least one small surprise when the babies came. Family and friends didn't mind at all...they liked the build up, I guess!

TillyTheTiger · 12/02/2020 10:59

I didn't even announce my pregnancy on social media with either of mine, let alone the gender or name. It's not about being weirdly 'secretive', all about avoiding all the many 'any signs?' messages around the due date, unwanted opinions on baby names, and pre-birth gender-stereotyping that goes on.
One of my ex-colleagues had a right go at me for 'hiding' my pregnancy after I announced the birth - I hadn't seen or spoken to the woman for five years!

MarchDaffs · 12/02/2020 10:59

I think there's less stigma to talking about miscarriages now annielouise, at least I hope there is. I'm a millennial, for me it would be quite normal for a woman to choose to be open about a pregnancy loss.

FizzyIce · 12/02/2020 11:00

Doesn’t bother me what others do with their baby tbh

elfonshelf · 12/02/2020 11:07

I only just made it when having DD. I was very lucky that the surgeons and hospital were able to save my life, otherwise I would have never ever seen her or known anything about her.

For that reason I am so glad that we knew the sex and had picked the names and used them right through the pregnancy.

Yesterdayforgotten · 12/02/2020 11:09

I found that too Sweetbabycheezit. People were really excited to find out the name. We didnt have any parties or other surprises as aren't into all that so maybe that was why aswell. The reason we weren't telling anybody though was because we actually weren't decided and weren't going to advertise the short list we did have to invite unwanted criticism. Once the baby is here and named people are far less likely to stick their ore in. If I was pushed I would haven given a fake name then it didnt matter what people said
Or another tactic is to do what my friend did and say two names: the name you want and a really hideous name and it's amazing how much positivity will be giving for your chosen name.

Bibidy · 12/02/2020 11:10

It's probably mainly the pressure from people constantly asking and making you feel like it's a big deal to keep it secret.

Alternatively there's an annoying women on my FB who's currently pregnant with her third and she's constantly putting up 'teaser' posts like "Couldn't wait to get the baby this teething bracelet with his name on! Have blurred it out, we're not telling anyone the name until he's here", with a photo of the aforementioned bracelet. Every day there's a new post basically saying something similar....no one's interested lady!