To think you should carry your child?

[ClaudiaWankleman]

Parents with small children who insist on letting them try to walk up the stairs on the tube/ train/ other busy public areas.

It inevitably creates a tight bottleneck at an area a bottleneck is already going to form. We all have to squeeze into 2/3 of the space while you lead a wobbling toddler up some stairs that are way too advanced for them.

Not only is it horrendously dirty when they sit down on the third step before you heave them back up (always happens) it seems quite dangerous. There is always the chance that someone will accidentally trample them as it’s quite difficult to see in the restricted spaces.

Not least that if I had been able to get up the stairs 15 seconds quicker I would’ve been on my train instead of having to wait for the next one.

AIBU to think that you should carry your child?

Plan better get an earlier connection, dont get a coffee on the way there.. don’t moan because someone else doesn’t need to do an Olympic sprint. Or the simple excuse me usually works.

Parents need to pick battles, I know my dn at 2 was half the height of his dm. She’d have had a snow balls chance in hell of carrying him up crowded stairs while kicking off without either falling back down them or gave someone else a black eye with a stray arm/leg mid scream fest. Our station only has one disabled access platform so you’ve got stairs at the other 3 and not just two small steps. Obviously the sensible way is to walk behind them not blocking the whole flight but no one can tell you’re running late unless you speak up.

YABU

I have never missed a train because of a toddler, I have missed quite a few because of slow morons blocking the way. All adults.

And the idiots dragging suitcases behind them, trying to trip as many people as they possibly can. Why can't they either carry them, or at least keep them next to them?
and why do people need a suitcase to go clothes shopping
As long as they don't leave some space on the side, people are fine,

(and no, can't drop a child before nursery opens and can't leave work early, for the sarky posters who won't fail to turn up)

so everyone else is supposed to just suck up being late because some parents have no consideration for anyone else.

Its not a case of not letting the toddler walk. It's a case of being aware of your surroundings and not inconveniencing people.

My 2 DSes are growing up in a busy, bustling capital city. I stopped using the pushchair when they were 18 months old.

They are very respectful and know when to move over, when to let someone off/on buses/metros/trains before them etc. They also know how to politely ask to get past people who are blocking the pavement/door to get off metro etc.

If the stairs are single file then yes, parent should pick up toddler.
If the stairs allow people to go up/down 2 by 2, then parent should either carry toddler or have toddler walking in front of them so at least other people can get past.

I completely agree with you OP. YANBU.

Slow walkers in general really, really irritate me. I have no time for dawdlers.

When you're in a place such as a train station, you're trying to get somewhere - being held up by a toddler who is climbing what is tantamount to Mount Everest (to them anyway) is just a pain.

Nowadays everything with children has to be a 'learning experience', which is fine, but not when you're inconveniencing everyone else.

When DD was just walking I picked her up in busy places anyway - now she's 4 and walks places at a normal speed, can keep up and doesn't stop at every big, rock, speck of dirt... I let her walk.

On the other hand, they have to learn at some point

Exactly. I’ve never allowed my children to practise toddling on crowded streets. Consequently at 17 and 18 they’re both still in pushchairs.

A child walking through a busy railway station is not a hazard. Nor is a screaming child a hazard. The inpatient, intolerant adult not aware of their surroundings who trips is the hazard in this mythical goady scenario.

It’s immaterial who the hazard is if a child gets hurt. The outcome is the same.

@ClaudiaWankleman (awesome name by the way) Minor inconveniences are just part of life. And, really, it was a very minor inconvenience. How soon was the next train?

Also, there could have been maintenance work on the stairs, or another commuter could have collapsed on them, or people could have piled out of the train three abreast. Would you be this annoyed at all those scenarios?

I can't help thinking that if you really believed that your time was no more important than theirs, you would let it go.

I must also say I wouldn't fancy trying to carry 15 kilos of uncooperative toddler up a steep flight of stairs, not only because that would kill my back, but also because there's the danger that both of you might go flying.

so everyone else is supposed to just suck up being late because some parents have no consideration for anyone else.

Looks like it. 🙄

Would you be this annoyed at all those scenarios?

Yeah but because they don't involve women and children, she wouldn't have felt justified in having a go.

Busy city train station at rush hour usually has a stampede of people rushing for a train. Even my 13 year old is terrified of this situation, imagine how a tiny 2 year old would feel? In that situation people are not looking below waist height so won't see a toddler. Quiet station ok let a toddler practise but in situations like above use your common sense A toddlers right to be there disentangle stop them getting hurt, and yes I have seen it happen and the mum was all outraged. If she had used her common sense she could have kept her child safe.

I did RTFT thanks. I just think a bit of patience is actually preferable all round - for your health as well as the wellbeing of a kid just learning to negotiate its surroundings.

Additionally if you're really that important you could talk directly to the parent instead of making it a moral issue. Which it isn't.

You think it's safer to carry a 3 year old up a very steep escalator than have them stood next to you holding your hand?
YABU. Have a bit of tolerance

YABU. Toddlers, elderly people, disabled people, idiots who are just slow, they all exist in this world and they all have just as much right to go about at their own pace as you do.

Yeah but because they don't involve women and children, she wouldn't have felt justified in having a go

Quite.

I mean theres an entire game based on the complete universal occurrence that men dont move out the way. Anyone who's ever played patriarchy chicken knows the consequences of making them do so.

But yeah it's the odd woman and toddler that's the problem.

Just like when a poor man and his van has to wait 2 seconds for a learner to complete their manoeuvre so they tailgate your arse in revenge

I'm one of your annoying parents who happily allows my little boys to wobble up steps, teeter around in PUBLIC spaces and get right in the way of Very Important People Doing Very Important Things. And I will continue to allow that to happen. Children are people too aren't they? Why is your agenda so much more significant than theirs??? You don't earn any karmic points for being intolerant of little ones.

My kids are 9 and 6 and walk up the (left hand side of) the escalator in the tube much faster than 99% of adults.

They are proper Londoners though, and have been doing it all their lives!

Also it wasn't actually a strawman though I concede I argued it badly. What I meant was I think it is better for everyone if you ascribe people's motives to necessity rather than deliberate selfishness. And if you don't, you can always talk to them directly.

YABU not everyone can pick up their children. Approximately a third of adults in the UK have back issues, probably mostly mothers . My back is currently is spasm and right now I couldn't pick up a feather. You need to manage your time better and remember that children/the elderly and disabled have as much right to use public transport as you do.

I would probably carry mine if it was horrifically busy, not to prevent them from irritating people, but to protect them from the idiots that insist on running up and down escalators, bashing people as they go which could potentially cause someone to fall. It works both ways in my opinion. My 3 year old wouldn’t be fast at walking, but I’m heavily pregnant and there’s no way I would be able to carry him. The likelihood of us being somewhere crowded like that at rush hour is extremely slim though. It’s a shame that the world has to rush everywhere these days. You can’t drive anywhere without being caught up in some sort of road rage, you can’t walk at your own pace without upsetting someone. And half the time, it’s not because they are running late, or need to catch a train, it’s because people don’t actually know how to walk at an even pace these days!

Autumn so you actively and knowingly allow your toddler to get in people's way? Why don't you teach him how to move to one side? People are going to get annoyedown if you delibrately get in their way. Instead of trying to prove a point teach your child some common courtesy

Or maybe commuters could take more care and look where they're going, and realise they aren't more important than everyone else! We went to London in November with our 3.5 year old, he's tall and heavy for his age so while we did end up carrying him sometimes when he was tired, no we can't carry him all the time on the underground nor should we have to. But the amount of commuters just swinging bags, umbrellas etc at his head was unbelievable. We always made sure we went to one side, let people past etc but we cannot disappear.

Oh my goodness op. You were delayed by 15 seconds and had to wait 3 minutes for another train. How terrible for you. This is why I avoid London and Londoners.

YANBU OP. But sadly the type of person who thinks it's absolutely delightful* for everyone to watch their toddler amble about on the steps in a crowded train station is the type of person who won't give a stuff who else they're inconveniencing. If they were reasonable, they wouldn't be doing it.

*We can mostly tell the difference between the Making Memories types and those who genuinely can't lift their children. Honest.