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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this may go against you in an interview ?

170 replies

inthemoment1990 · 10/02/2020 20:00

Name changed on this as didn’t want to link to other posts .

So say you were interviewing someone for a job , you very vaguely knew that person you were interviewing from a previous role a while back , and prior to the interview you were briefing that person on the some of the job responsibilities.

What would you think if the interviewee was very eager to get a job and a comment they made prior to proper questions was:

“You are looking very lovely and radiant by the way’

OP posts:
fastliving · 10/02/2020 22:07

Yup, very weird comment from your dh.

StealthMama · 10/02/2020 22:08

have we really reached a point where someone of the opposite sex can’t say you look lovely

In the workplace - Yes we have.
In a bar - he's hitting on me
To his wife- awwwwww

Izzydawg · 10/02/2020 22:08

He needs to go on some woke training

messolini9 · 10/02/2020 22:08

He’s a very confident social person , and doesn’t struggle with social situations

Ouch.
What about the poor woman struggling with the social situation of being called "lovely & radiant" in a professional setting?
Did DH stop to consider that, or does his confidence allow him to skate past other people's reactions to his inappropriate observations?

vegvegveg · 10/02/2020 22:10

Commenting on people's appearance is a big no no at work, let alone an interview.

BrokenWing · 10/02/2020 22:12

@lostinadream would you walk into an interview with a male interviewer and say "you look striking and handsome"? Of course you wouldn't, you would sound ridiculous if you did.

ChipotleBlessing · 10/02/2020 22:19

That would certainly put me off. And I would mention it to the other members of the interview panel. I would assume this was someone who didn’t know how to behave appropriately in the workplace.

messolini9 · 10/02/2020 22:21

Fgs it’s hardly the worst comment in the world.
I haven’t read the full thread but have we really reached a point where someone of the opposite sex can’t say you look lovely?

Would YOU say it to a person of the opposite sex (or even same-sex) who was interviewing you, @lostinadream?
I should sincerely hope not. It doesn't have to be "the worst comment in the world" to be spectacularly inappropriate.

7salmonswimming · 10/02/2020 22:25

It’s the kind of confident that’s cocky. That would put me off hiring him.

It’s inappropriate in the workplace. That would put me off hiring him.

Coming from a mile interviewee, I would see it as a misplaced attempt to show who he thinks really holds the power in that dynamic. This would be the nail in the coffin.

If he otherwise came across as self-effacing, and as though this were a nervous mistake, id still think hard about whether he would fit into the team he’d be managing.

Just wrong on every level. When will men just fucking learn??

Ohyesiam · 10/02/2020 22:27

Personal remarks have no place in a professional setting, it shows a lack of awareness in so many ways. If he thinks that’s ok , how would he be as part of a team?
What other slightly odd/ dubious things would he bring to the table that would mean he overstepped boundaries, or miss read situations ?

And to me possibly the worst Is that he appears to see flattery as a valid strategy to getting somewhere. So what does that say about his attitude to women? Nothing positive from where I’m sitting.

Show him this thread, he needs to wake up and see what he is doing. He might be a perfectly nice man who is just getting things a bit wrong, but on the strength of one interview it would be hard to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Samhradh · 10/02/2020 22:33

Exactly what @SpokeTooSoon said. I wouldn’t hire someone who exhibited such poor judgement.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/02/2020 22:39

I haven’t read the full thread but have we really reached a point where someone of the opposite sex can’t say you look lovely?

You can say almost anything in the right context. This was not the right context. It's weird and embarrassing. Also patronising. And sexist.

So on balance I'd hire the person who saves those comments for when it's appropriate.

JojoLapin · 10/02/2020 22:41

This is so cringeworthy. Culture fit is just as important as skill sets and anyone coming with such a line at an interview would be an absolute no go.

Depends where he interviewed and for what role, I guess.

SidneyPrescott · 10/02/2020 22:41

Even if he meant it in a completely innocent way, it comes across as sleazy and I personally wouldn't hire someone who was a potential HR intervention waiting to happen.

SkaterGrrrrl · 10/02/2020 22:42

Not acceptable, sorry.

BackforGood · 10/02/2020 22:43

He’s a very confident social person , and doesn’t struggle with social situations

Well, clearly he does if he thinks that is in any way appropriate to say at an interview.
How can anyone think otherwise ? Confused

He was interviewing for a management position

Well this makes it far worse.
If someone were being interviewed for a job where they worked in isolation and weren't customer facing, then there would be the possibility they could do some training around the issue, if their other skills were great, but if you were applying to manage people then it just shows you are not the person for the role before the interview even starts.

I agree with the pp who suggested showing him all the responses on this thread.

CountFosco · 10/02/2020 22:43

I really hope the OP has already told her DH he's a fucking idiot with social skills that are stuck in the 1960s and if he doesn't understand what he did wrong he doesn't deserve the job. I then hope she tried to write as neutral a description of what happened as she could so she could show the blockhead exactly how big a faux pas he made.

I have to say though, if I knew someone who was interviewing for a job at my place of work and had helped them prepare for the interview I wouldn't interview them, we have strict policies about that.

nocoolnamesleft · 10/02/2020 22:54

Blimey. It certainly wouldn't impress me favourably if an interviewee came out with something like that.

dustibooks · 10/02/2020 22:55

Oh dear.

No, I wouldn't hire someone who said something like that.

Would he say anything even remotely like that to a male interviewer? No of course not. Therefore his remark was sexist and patronising (in the truest sense of the word) as well as inappropriate.

Aridane · 10/02/2020 23:00

Well - could it be that they thought you were lovely and radiant? Surely you would see it for what it was - a compliment? Is there some backstory?

Creepy as fuck and inappropriate

pandora206 · 10/02/2020 23:01

I can't believe that someone being interviewed for a management position would make that sort of gaff: it's totally inappropriate and overstepping conventions and boundaries. It's also a big fail on the equal opportunities front too (there is often a question about this at interview). Whether this was meant as casual chat or part of the formal process is irrelevant. It would certainly be a red flag for most interview panels.

blueshoes · 10/02/2020 23:16

When making conversation before an interview, always just comment on the weather. Safe as houses.

SallySun123 · 10/02/2020 23:47

have we really reached a point where someone of the opposite sex can’t say you look lovely

I think we finally have. Amen.

Double3xposure · 11/02/2020 00:16

Can I just add a “ Hallelujah “ to that ?

GabsAlot · 11/02/2020 00:31

Does he currently have a job op-or is this a promotion type thing

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