DH and DD bathing

[disintegration]

DH and DD bath together on Sunday mornings. She is 8. He asked me yesterday when I thought that would have to end and I replied that I thought it would probably be soon, certainly this year. He was a bit upset so I suggested I post on here to find out hive mind thought (changed username as I don't want him finding my other posts!!)

So, AIBU and they can bath together for longer or AINBU and they should cut it out sooner rather than later? Should it be DD that decides when she isn't comfortable with it anymore?

Could he wear swimming trunks then just like swimming really.

The kid might not let the parents know she doesn’t want to be in a bath with a naked man or woman, because she knows this will disappoint the person, which is setting a really bad precedent for the future. It’s parents duty to teach and enforce boundaries and not put that burden on their kid

THIS should only ever be the response to the "when the children feel uncomfortable/don't want to anymore" opinion. Be it being naked in front of children, bathing etc. Children are not like confident adults who'll speak up the moment they feel discomfort.

The way to make them confident adults is to teach them how to speak up and show them that speaking up should and will be listened to - so they can understand that their boundaries matter and they can enforce their boundaries. Rather than it always being about sticking to some arbitrary rule that does not reflect how they feel. And the way to do that is to give them lots of opportunity to do so, to follow through when they express discomfort and to talk about it and to be clear that they need to respect other people's boundaries when they are more conservative than their own in a given situation.

I would say it's fine if youve been comfortable with it, but clearly the time has come that your atleast thinking it might have to change soon so maybe think of something else they can do together, and start subtly suggesting she might like to do that instead.

Why are ppl finding it odd that more than one person can fit in a bath??? There are many types/shapes and sizes of baths these days!! As I said I can all 4 of my family can actually fit in the bath at the same time and it’s not cramped!!

I also think it's time to stop. And it should not be your daughter who has to put a stop to it,

If this came out, for example she told her school friends. Who told a parent or teacher, it could be awkward, that he's cock and balls out in front of his eight year old daughter, in such an intimate setting as a private bath together, , she may express discomfort elsewhere.

I'd knock it on the head, explain the human body is nothing to be ashamed of, but that body privacy is important for her. She's likely going to be relieved but not show it.

There's a big difference between being nude in front of a same gender child, or being nude in the same room doing something like getting dressed etc, getting in the bath together could be construed in a way you don't like, by very many people, as witnessed by this thread.

In my opinion (and I believe the research backs this up) giving children the language to discuss their bodies and an open household where nothing is off limit for an age appropriate discussion is protective against abuse. I would imagine that the parents who give their child the message loud and clear that the body is dirty or who refuse to discuss uncomfortable topics would be less likely to have their children come to them for help with a potentially abusive situation than children raised in open households. Boundaries and consent can and should be taught in many ways, it’s entirely possible to teach children these messages without also giving them the message the their own and the bodies of their immediate family are obscene. The idea that it’s ok to be naked around mum and dad (as long as you are comfortable with it) but a teacher or other adult is not ok unless there’s a really good reason e.g the doctor, is not a difficult one for an 8 year old to grasp.

YY @Iloveplacentas
I also bring my children up in a way where they understand that it is ok to upset people including grown ups. I have tried my best to foster emotional intelligence since day dot, my children are very good at naming their emothions, calling people out on theirs and they are also capable of empathy when needed etc.

I think it's awful.
I'm really shocked by people defending it.
Poss under three but definitely not after that.

Would you be ok with him cuddling up on the sofa with him and her both naked. That's the same thing and without the water - which makes it worse. His penis and balls out and her naked too.

It's appalling. As a teacher I would ring SS immediately if I heard this from a child. It's sexual abuse.

It's appalling. As a teacher I would ring SS immediately if I heard this from a child. It's sexual abuse.

@Dragonembroidery
That’s a TAD extreme! Sexual abuse!!!

If he's asked then it's because he is starting to think it's inappropriate. In that sense it's certainly not sexual abuse, FFS.

The question is, then, how he's going to explain to her that she's not welcome in his bath anymore.

Wow @Dragonembroidery I'M really shocked at such an hysterical post from a teacher of all people. You need to calm the fuck down! OP's DH is not abusing their DD. The little girl choses to jump in the bath with her dad, she is not forced. OP can hear them chatting and laughing together. NOTHING sexual is happening. And for you to throw around accusations of abuse is appalling. Ridiculous of you also to compare taking a bath together with cuddling up on the sofa naked. For one there is no need to be naked on the sofa and two there was no mention of father and daughter cuddling in the bath ffs

I remember when I was 9 my dad coming into the bathroom when I was having a bath. This must have been normal at the time. He told me it was time to start locking the door.
I really think some of the people on this thread are a bit deranged. In many households parents wander around naked in front of their children.

There is nothing inappropriate about this unless there were any sexual feelings involved, or your daughter was being made to do this against her will. 8 year olds do not have sexual feelings so unless you believe your husband has sexual feelings about his daughter, which presumably you do not, then this is perfectly fine. None of my kids started being remotely modest about their bodies until at least the age of 9 or 10. I personally think kids who are embarrassed by nudity at a younger age have been taught by their parents' behaviour that nudity is bad, disgusting etc. Kids are not naturally embarrassed by their bodies.

The responses on this thread are quite shocking and sad but not that surprising given some of the strange attitudes that seem to be common on MN.

@74NewStreet @MintyMabel @Bree88 @karencantobe

I think your insinuations are disgusting and say more about you than the OP's husband

I completely agree with all that @MondayTuesdayWednesday and find this thread sad.

My dd (adult) thinks nothing of barging in when I'm in the bath and equally will happily have anyone come into the bathroom. She doesn't see the issue. Nakedness is not inappropriate unless it is being looked at in an inappropriate way - in Germany people swim and have saunas naked, kids too in public, nobody cared.

What a question to ask the hysterical mob on here! So many people can’t separate nudity and sex and it’s no wonder so many kids grow up in the UK with major bodily hang-ups

This....

@Dragonembroidery Away and shite. It's not sexual abuse, and does a fucking disservice to people who have actually been sexually abused to call it that.

@Dragonembroidery, you are so wrong that it's ridiculous. Are you going to report every parent and child on a nudist beach?

I don't know when my husband and kids stopped bath sharing. But I do remember that he would tuck his bits away to avoid accidental contact.

Additionally I always find it amazing, that in this apparently international and middle class forum, MN's are seemingly not aware of how the rest of Europe operate. The British are indeed a breed apart.

This is a great article. I would love to live in Denmark.

www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/mind/how-to-love-your-body---------------------------the-danish-way-h/