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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The Toilet Seat Saga

343 replies

Rosebyanothername19 · 09/02/2020 23:04

Basically my husband and I have an ongoing dispute over the downstairs toilet. I have asked him a million times to put the lid down after he uses it - which is about every half hour...

I have sent him links to articles about hygiene and also put a large note on top of the toilet asking nicely to put the lid down in case he just forgets. I have pointed our that our baby is going to be crawling soon and, as the downstairs loo is between the living room and kitchen, she is probably going to end up in there numerous times.

Every request is met with an eye roll and him saying that's it's not a big deal or just ignored.

So tonight I have decided that every time he leaves the lid up I will empty a beer down the sink and leave the bottle upside down. I haven't told him this and I'm just going to start doing it and wait until he asks or realises what is going on.

AIBU?

OP posts:

gaffamate · 10/02/2020 05:09

@Squirreltamer my DC have allergies and my house is filthy so I think there are genetic/other factors at play

JolieOBrien · 10/02/2020 05:25

My husband doesn't even lift the seat up and gets urine all over the seat. This has been going on for years and I have even thought about leaving him because of it. This is just one of his nasty habits so before anyone comments this has been building up for many years now and I have finally had enough. It is just a matter of time ......

maras2 · 10/02/2020 05:45

If he really is going to the toilet every half hour he should maybe see a doctor.

borntobequiet · 10/02/2020 05:46

I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t close the lid. In my head they’re the same people who leave cupboards, drawers and the door open. Annoying people.

SimonJT · 10/02/2020 05:51

So when your husband does something you dislike you destroy something he likes, will you be as controlling and aggressive when your child does something you dislike?

sanityisamyth · 10/02/2020 05:57

YANBU. Flushing the loo with the lid up spreads so many germs. They get thrown up into the air and land on any surface within about 6 feet of the loo, including toothbrushes and hair brushes.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=EG_PnRCLe9A

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/02/2020 06:04

I agree with you OP - the difference is that my DH actually listened to me when I talked about crawling DS pulling himself up on the china bowl, airborne particles from the loo being spread around etc. and he always (well, 98% of the time) flushes with the lid down now. Both boys have also been trained in the art of closing the lid before flushing too and always do.

It's so much nicer to walk into a bathroom with the loo lid down than otherwise!

OrangeLindt · 10/02/2020 06:04

Would you be this dramatic towards children doing it?

HeronLanyon · 10/02/2020 06:06

Sounds as though you’ve got into a Mexican standoff.
I wouldn’t do the beer thing - I can’t see the connection.
If your dh is stubborn generally I would take the note off, stop talking about it and ensure the door is shut. He may then feel it’s ok to COMPLY
My dp can be remarkably stubborn sometimes about unexpected small things and I know to back off completely to have a chance of change.
I know this because I know it works for me too when I am being stubborn about something ! Congrats btw.

Cherrysherbet · 10/02/2020 06:06

Such a waste of energy. I really couldn’t be bothered to cause a drama over this.

HeronLanyon · 10/02/2020 06:08

Well I can see the connection between litres of beer and half hourly loo trips I guess but you would need to do something with germs and his stuff (which doesn’t sound a great idea)

Nottobesniffedat · 10/02/2020 06:23

Glue a cork to the back of the toilet, then the lid can't stay up
^
^
Eh! Is this a thing? What happens if you want a No2, sit there with the lid resting on your back?

WelcometoCranford · 10/02/2020 06:24

Get one of those vacuum-flush toilets fitted as you have to close the lid to create the vacuum. Saves water each flush too.

rwalker · 10/02/2020 06:39

Why an earth would you do that sounds a bit gas lighting TBH so when he kicks off when you do that with beer you are the injured party.
Adults don't got take each other things to teach them a lesson kids do stuff like that.
Shock horror our lid must be up 90% of the time and all 4 in our house have survived .

dudsville · 10/02/2020 06:46

You and your dh have backed yourselves into a corner. It's a stand off that onky results in someone backing down. That no way to manage a difficulty. Someone now heads to back down asap with good grace to show the other one it can be done. And then learn better ways as a couple to communicate around shared household obstacles.

stupidcow7 · 10/02/2020 06:47

TBH they are always up in our house, doesn't bother me, my toilets are clean. And I don't see the point in arguing over something so trivial.

TreeClimbingCat · 10/02/2020 06:51

YANBU. My friend had a new back to wall toilet fitted and had the flush button positioned behind where the loo seat rests, meaning you have to move the lid down to reach the handle. Might as well close the lid altogether which is the point.

This thread has opened my eyes to how many disgusting people there are on MN. Those toilet bowl particles are now all over your bathrooms. Beyond unhygenic.

grandmasterstitch · 10/02/2020 06:57

I'm with you OP. The toilet being so close to the toothbrushes gives me the heeby jeebies. I started closing the lid because my car used to drink out of the toilet so it became habit but it's just good sense! I'm not OTT about germs but surely it's common sense that flushing the loo can spread particles

Inherdefence · 10/02/2020 07:01

You think this is important. He doesn’t. That isn’t disrespecting you or ignoring you, it’s disagreeing with you. Expecting him to do things your way is controlling.

londonrach · 10/02/2020 07:06

My d d never crawled into the toilet. This blow your mind op..we have a toddler seat on her toilet all the time now so have to remove if you needd the toilet. Its more important dd can get on the toilet quickly. Yabu re the seat, just move the seat when you need too

Catting · 10/02/2020 07:08

If I need to drive a point home with my dh, I just tell him that each time he does the thing, I will find a way to inconvenience him. I have all day at home alone with his stuff, his imagination of what evil revenge I might wreak seems to focus his mind a bit.

QueenOfIce · 10/02/2020 07:08

Yanbu, I hate the seat and/or lid being left up. I'd pour his beer inside the toilet when he asks what it is just casually reply 'your beer'

cptartapp · 10/02/2020 07:10

He uses the toilet every half hour??!

DappledThings · 10/02/2020 07:14

I never close the lid before flushing. It’s never entered my head. I prefer the lid seat up wherever I go otherwise The Fear kicks in. You just never know what’s lurking under the lid!

This.

I don't think I'd even notice if someone snuck into my house and removed the toilet lid one day.

HeronLanyon · 10/02/2020 07:16

dappled things if you did notice please post here (thinking of missing ironing board thread - think it remains unresolved)

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