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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Toilet Seat Saga

343 replies

Rosebyanothername19 · 09/02/2020 23:04

Basically my husband and I have an ongoing dispute over the downstairs toilet. I have asked him a million times to put the lid down after he uses it - which is about every half hour...

I have sent him links to articles about hygiene and also put a large note on top of the toilet asking nicely to put the lid down in case he just forgets. I have pointed our that our baby is going to be crawling soon and, as the downstairs loo is between the living room and kitchen, she is probably going to end up in there numerous times.

Every request is met with an eye roll and him saying that's it's not a big deal or just ignored.

So tonight I have decided that every time he leaves the lid up I will empty a beer down the sink and leave the bottle upside down. I haven't told him this and I'm just going to start doing it and wait until he asks or realises what is going on.

AIBU?

OP posts:
theendoftheendoftheend · 10/02/2020 07:17

I get your frustration, I have asked DP a thousand times to shut the toilet door a) because I hate it open and b) because the dog eats the shoes. He doesn't listen. Going to bill him for the shoes though.

BalloonSlayer · 10/02/2020 07:24

Ugh if a woman posted on here to say that her husband wanted her to do something that she kept forgetting to do out of force of habit and was destroying some of her property every time she forgot, she would get a chorus of LTBs.

and the turning off the mobile phone charger etc would get a chorus of gaslighting bastard LTBs as well.

DappledThings · 10/02/2020 07:24

HeronLanyon Ha, it would definitely be the same weird thief.

I've actually just remembered I do sometimes put the lid down. That would be when I want to turn it into a seat when brushing DC's teeth.

izzywizzygood · 10/02/2020 07:30

I think there's something gravely wrong with your relationship if you treat each other like that. He has no respect for your wishes (or thinks you are stupid for having nothing better to worry about), and you have decided to treat him like a little boy by taking away his treats, but doing it in a very destructive way. Two people in a partnership should work well together.

Vulpine · 10/02/2020 07:36

The seat yes, but the lid no. We never do that. the spraying germs theory, if its true doesn't bother me/us.

sandybanana · 10/02/2020 07:39

Oh that's a bit over the top

Yes it's frustrating but leaving the toilet seat up is really small fry in comparison to world issues

My dad used to leave the toilet seat up all the time when I lived at home. Yes it was laziness, ignorance etc, but apart from nagging and causing ill feeling, there was little else my mum, or us, could do.

Inforthelonghaul · 10/02/2020 07:39

OP this is nothing to do with the toilet seat really is it, it’s just something that really bothers you and not him. We have had a similar thing over the years and it has caused arguments but one day we sat down and each picked the one thing the other did that just annoyed us. It’s wasn’t a bad thing just a thoughtless behaviour that wound the other person up. We agreed that even though we couldn’t see the point we would change that one thing and see what happened. The result was that we were without thinking about it really, doing something just for the other person and it took a lot of petty tension away instantly and other disagreements became easier to resolve because there wasn’t always that underlying resentment.

I know couples who have got divorced for similar issues that just built up and eventually made it impossible to carry on. Don’t let this turn into a tit for tat battle.

Inforthelonghaul · 10/02/2020 07:40

All that said, it’s toilet seats down here just because it looks nicer and yes the cat would fall in.

CatyaPurella · 10/02/2020 07:41

Seat and lid always down in our house. Just decent courtesy.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 10/02/2020 07:42

It must be exhausting to be an Approvedâ„¢ MNer.

I never put the lid down, most times I don't even flush wee away - waste water to flush away more water? And I have my toothbrush in the same room. And I have a toilet brush.

By some poster's standards I should be long dead. Sorry to disappoint.

JinglingHellsBells · 10/02/2020 07:42

@Rosebyanothername19 To be honest, your dishcloth and T towels will harbour more germs than your toilet.

A toilet bowl is actually quite clean. And wee doesn't cause germs.

The thing about closing the lid is that there is some research which shows that some toilets have a fierce flush mechanism and the bacteria from poo can be sprayed across a room.

This is more of an issue in public loos which is why some are being installed now where the flush won't work unless the lid is closed.

In your own home with 2 adults using the loo it's less of an issue.

And when your baby starts crawling, all you do is close the loo door AND do normal household cleaning which ought to include mopping the floor in the bathroom either daily or whenever it needs it.

Your baby will be exposed to far more germs around the house than this,

Has someone mentioned you have cats? You do know they bury their poo with their paws , then trample all over your house with them?

ofwarren · 10/02/2020 07:46

But you wash your dishcloth or tea towel before using them surely? And they don't go in your mouth. The toothbrushes in most bathrooms are sat on the side and the spray goes on them and we put them directly in our mouths.
Most people don't sterilise their toothbrushes.

Hercwasonaroll · 10/02/2020 07:46

do normal household cleaning which ought to include mopping the floor in the bathroom either daily or whenever it needs it.

Daily mopping is well above average!

NYCDreaming · 10/02/2020 07:47

You don't get to punish your DH for not doing what he's told!

I do think though that it would be a good idea to make it clear that while it may not be a big deal for him, it is absolutely a big deal for you, so please take it seriously.

Puffthemagicdragartist · 10/02/2020 07:47

Nothing worse than running in, busting for the loo and upon sitting down, you're on the lidGrin. At least if both seat and lid are up you can actually relieve yourself!

SallyWD · 10/02/2020 07:49

Doesn't bother me at all if lid is up or down. I don't understand why it's such a big deal. YABU

Whatisthisfuckery · 10/02/2020 07:49

I was going to write YABU until I saw it was Budweiser you were pouring down the sink. YABU to your DH for actually paying money for Budweiser. I’d LTB for that alone.

I think you’re being a bit OTT though. If he puts the seat down he’s quite domesticated really. I frequently don’t put the lid down on mine and nobody has died.

totallyradllama · 10/02/2020 07:51

Have you seen the war of the roses? Grin

PlumsGalore · 10/02/2020 07:53

DD was a toddler when I caught her in the lid up loo plunging a hand towel in and out of the water. She has survived to adult hood.

I prefer the lid down myself but the note and nagging is all a bit controlling. I clean the toilet every day inside and out, as long as it’s flushed I can’t get upset with a lid up. I just put it down as I am passing.

SerenDippitty · 10/02/2020 07:53

In the interests of research I have flushed my toilet with the lid down and examined the inside of the lid afterwards. It was bone dry. Which it wouldn’t be if it was squirting germs into the air would it?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/02/2020 07:55

This always amuses me
funnyjunk.com/Terrible+toilet/funny-pictures/5655531/

Ragwort · 10/02/2020 07:59

You sound utterly controlling, I am another who has never really cared whether the seat is up or down, surely it gets cleaned most days and you keep the door closed Hmm.

As a PP said, I can't believe you have cats in your home yet are worried about toilet flushes. Hmm

JinglingHellsBells · 10/02/2020 08:00

Daily mopping is well above average!

It depends on how the loo is used! Some men piss all over and I for one don't use a horrible 'toilet' mat to collect the drips. I don't need to wipe round the floor daily, by any means, but IF I were worried about a baby getting in there when crawling, I would.

It IS true however that flushing the loo can spread bacteria from poo. This is why they have changed all the loos at many London train stations and in some motorway service stations- they can't be flushed unless the seat and lid are closed. There is a notice on the loo doors ( Moto services) explaining why the new loos are cleaner.

However, the basic premise surely is you don't allow your baby to crawl on the bathroom or cloakroom floor for this very reason and if they do, you keep it clean.

jillandhersprite · 10/02/2020 08:03

@ZombieFan - the voice of reason!!!

I have found yet another topic in which Mumsnet world is so far away from the real world I live in. Can't think of any of my family or friends where I have gone into a toilet or bathroom and the lid is always down. No one seems to have nasty illnesses or catching colds/stomach upsets frequently, so I can only conclude that these bacteria in our homes are not causing us any problems at all. Last 2 years my kid has had a perfect school attendance and never been ill!

polkadotpixie · 10/02/2020 08:05

I'm with you about the toilet seat OP....I have a 17 month old who is obsessed with the toilet and can open doors so the toilet seat must be down and the baby lock on it at all times or he's literally in it the minute I take my eyes off him 😩 so I'd be annoyed if DH didn't bother/purposely refused to close and lock it

Pouring his beer away seems a little OTT and not really relevant but I'd 100% go with a PP suggestion of taping it shut every time he leaves it open

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