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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Toilet Seat Saga

343 replies

Rosebyanothername19 · 09/02/2020 23:04

Basically my husband and I have an ongoing dispute over the downstairs toilet. I have asked him a million times to put the lid down after he uses it - which is about every half hour...

I have sent him links to articles about hygiene and also put a large note on top of the toilet asking nicely to put the lid down in case he just forgets. I have pointed our that our baby is going to be crawling soon and, as the downstairs loo is between the living room and kitchen, she is probably going to end up in there numerous times.

Every request is met with an eye roll and him saying that's it's not a big deal or just ignored.

So tonight I have decided that every time he leaves the lid up I will empty a beer down the sink and leave the bottle upside down. I haven't told him this and I'm just going to start doing it and wait until he asks or realises what is going on.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 09/02/2020 23:21

@PickwickThePlockingDodo I cant get him to put a seat down, a door will be impossible! I thought the cistern was the back but of the toilet, or is that inside? Either way he cant miss it!

OP posts:
PickwickThePlockingDodo · 09/02/2020 23:22

I suspect he wouldnt do it too often once he got the message that I'm serious.

You definitely sound a tad controlling.

UnderperformingSeal · 09/02/2020 23:22

@milkysmum
No wonder he's your ex. You'd be under my patio by now.

shuuush · 09/02/2020 23:22

Amazon sell these things called safety gates too 😂 perfect for crawling babies.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 09/02/2020 23:22

All your family wealth, both monetary and emotional, will be sucked down the pan if the lid is not down.

True fact.

Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 09/02/2020 23:24

@AngusDuck he does pee in the garden if he is outside and cant be bothered to go in to use the bathroom but its winter so he doesn't spend much time outside.

OP posts:
Cooroo · 09/02/2020 23:25

Honestly I never think about germs being sprayed anywhere. I'm 60, fit and healthy and never had any illness traceable to all the 'poo particles' I must have been exposed to. Relax!

ZoeandChandon · 09/02/2020 23:25
Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 09/02/2020 23:28

I honestly didnt think that wanting the toilet lid down was such an unusual and unreasonable request. I thought it was normal!

Might have to review my hygiene standards if I'm getting to be a hypocondriac in my old age!

OP posts:
monkeymonkey2010 · 09/02/2020 23:28

you're probably better off 'forgetting' to make him meals/cleaning up after him etc, something that impacts him personally so he gets to feel how frustrating it is for you.

MrsOrMiss · 09/02/2020 23:29

I have an alternative that really works.
Pull him in for a lovely kiss the next time you see the seat up.... as soon as his tongue hits yours, bite down hard. Then it's just blood all over the carpet you'll be complaining about.
That is exactly what happened to my DH when he was with his previous partner. He never left the seat up again. Then he simply left her - escaped really - before she started knocking the life out of him.

Don't be like her, get rid of the notes and put the lid down yourself.

Davespecifico · 09/02/2020 23:29

We resolved this by getting a cat. He understands that we don’t want the cat falling down the toilet, which it did once.
Now after over 25 years, I get not only the seat, but also the lid down.
It used to make me so angry that he was intractable about it even when my little girl was was going to the loo and sitting on the rim where he’d just stood to wee.

5foot5 · 09/02/2020 23:29

I have never in my life heard the suggestion that it is unhygienic to flush with the lid up. How on earth have I survived to the age of 57 in robust health and raised a healthy family too?

Now leaving the seat up I find mildly irksome but no big deal. Leaving the seat up? Meh.

You are definitely OTT. And leave that beer alone!

TheSmallAssassin · 09/02/2020 23:29

You're not his mum! He is allowed to think that the risk is not worth the effort of changing. Your baby will not be crawling unsupervised around the house.

Merename · 09/02/2020 23:29

I may be wrong, but I’d wager that this isn’t really about the baby going in there but just how you feel Things Must Be. As I say to my DC, ‘other people have their own ideas’. It’s really a thing! He disagrees with you. He’s allowed. But I understand receiving the eye roll and that’s not nice. You need to talk about this like adults and not engage in petty retaliation. Maybe there’s a compromise somewhere. Although I would probably eye roll too tbh if you sent me ‘links to articles about hygiene’. What do these say exactly?

MartinJD1976 · 09/02/2020 23:33

Dear oh dear. Honestly, I feel sorry for your husband as this behaviour comes across as slightly neurotic.

Poor chap.

Cheers,
MJD

Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 09/02/2020 23:34

@monkeymonkey2010 just to make him seem even more hard done by, he does most of the cooking at the moment as I'm feeding, bathing and putting the baby to bed so if I then had to cook we wouldnt eat until really late (although some days I prep so it just needs putting in the oven). He did forget to make me breakfast when I was getting the baby down for her nap this morning and used all the bacon and bread! Thank goodness for Macdonald's!

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 09/02/2020 23:37

@Davespecifico thank you. It's nice to know I'm not completely mad! We already have 2 cats though so unfortunately that hasn't worked... maybe I should get a 3rd just to be sure?! Haha!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/02/2020 23:39

Is no one else worried about the germs that get sprayed around your bathroom when you flush the toilet with the lid up??

No I can't say I am.

Why are you? Are you immune compromised in some way?

Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 09/02/2020 23:41

@Merename www.google.com/amp/s/www.businessinsider.com/flushing-toilet-seat-up-sprays-water-germs-2016-3%3famp

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 09/02/2020 23:42

Yanbu about not putting the lid down. I don’t get why you would leave it up unless there was someone who was disabled or elderly.

Yabu about the beer. Doesn’t make sense to pour money down the drain because of it. Simply explain your reasoning on why. If he still doesn’t get it, likely one day your child will put something of his in the loo and he’ll do it after that.

BigPinkFlower · 09/02/2020 23:42

Is this a new version of the poo troll?

Too odd to be real surely?

Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 09/02/2020 23:43

@WorraLiberty no but my baby spent the first 3 months of her life in NICU so I have perhaps inherited some of the approach to handwashing and avoidance if germs.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 09/02/2020 23:43

Is no one else worried about the germs that get sprayed around your bathroom when you flush the toilet with the lid up??

Nope.

MatildaTheCat · 09/02/2020 23:43

You just can’t control all of the potential risks your baby could be exposed to. Some risks babies should be exposed to to boost their immune systems or to help them to learn or develop.

If either of you have explosive diarrhoea then clearly your child needs additional protection but after a straightforward wee in the loo- well no- that’s a part of life that all of us need exposure to to build a healthy immune system.

Don’t waste the beer. Spend the time figuring out the stuff that is worthy of your efforts.