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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH driving me mad - AIBU?

139 replies

ncagainforfeb · 09/02/2020 21:54

DH and I have been arguing a lot recently - we’re both going through stressful times in our jobs and have both been guilty of “bringing work home” and taking it out on each other. On top of that, I’m 28 weeks pregnant and am feeling more emotional and up and down than usual.

So anyway, tonight we sat down together to watch a TV programme that we both wanted to see. Two minutes in there was a crucial scene (somebody died!) and I glance over at DH to find he’s scrolling through his phone.

I asked him what he was doing and he said he was reading a synopsis of the show. I pointed out that he’d just missed a crucial bloody scene and he snapped at me, calling me controlling.

All I wanted was to watch a nice bit of TV together at the end of a hard week, maybe discuss it afterwards and enjoy the experience as a couple - not me watch it with him next to me scrolling through his phone. Why can’t he just watch the TV and put his phone down like everybody else?

Anyway, the argument escalated to him calling me a fascist so I left the room and have gone up to bed. AIBU?!

OP posts:
SlackerMum1 · 09/02/2020 21:57

Ummmm.... I do understand what you mean but nonetheless yes YABU and sounds like you need to cut each other a break.

Curiosity101 · 09/02/2020 21:59

I get why it annoyed you but YABU. If that's how he 'watches TV' then that's up to him.

FizzyPink · 09/02/2020 21:59

I do get where you’re coming from and it does annoy me when DP does this but I also love to scroll while watching TV so I cant really complain Grin

user1493413286 · 09/02/2020 22:00

It sounds like something that would annoy me but I’m also pregnant and quite hormonal so prone to over reacting which I think you’ve done a bit I’m afraid

Squirrelpeanutbutter · 09/02/2020 22:01

Leave him alone, what are you the TV police?

ZacharyQuack · 09/02/2020 22:01

If someone told me the correct way to watch a TV Show I might be unimpressed with them. Leave him be.

Original poster
ncagainforfeb · 09/02/2020 22:02

Oh crap - so I need to apologise? I just get so fed up with me watching programmes and him sitting next to me but in a whole different world!

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 09/02/2020 22:02

Yabvvu, IMO. Me and my dh re regularly on phones/iPads whilst watching tv. Do you want him to stare obsessively at the screen, 100% attention? He’s not a child, he can multi task if he wants.

Quizacabusi · 09/02/2020 22:03

I would have refused to watch any more if you did that to me.

Original poster
ncagainforfeb · 09/02/2020 22:04

what are you the TV police?

No, I just thought it would be nice to enjoy the programme together, as we’ve had very little quality time together recently due to work stress. But it sounds like I’m in the wrong judging by the replies on here - oh well, it’s good to get a different perspective.

OP posts:
DesignedForLife · 09/02/2020 22:04

YABU. It’s his choice how he watches TV.

simplekindoflife · 09/02/2020 22:05

I'm on my phone right now watching tv with my DH. I'd tell him where to go if he said that to me! You can't control how someone watches tv?! Confused

Original poster
ncagainforfeb · 09/02/2020 22:06

Does no one sit down to watch a programme together anymore then? I don’t see the point of agreeing to watch something then missing most of it because I’m scrolling through my phone.

OP posts:
Whatdayisit2 · 09/02/2020 22:07

Yanbu
But it seems to be the way of the world. Everyone insists on their own entertainment exactly when they want it no matter about the rest of the family. I hate it

mynameiscalypso · 09/02/2020 22:09

DH and I are watching something on TV now but we're also scrolling (me on MN, him on the Daily Mail apparently!). I don't have an issue with it as we're both relaxing. We can always rewind if we've missed something.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 09/02/2020 22:10

YABU I suppose, but agree it is annoying and it’s not generally possible to focus on both tv show plot and mobile at once. Lots of research like this about: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.today.com/today/amp/tdna60356

wannabeadored · 09/02/2020 22:11

my DH is never off his phone 😤 it's annoying, I constantly say oh did you see what just happens and he just mumbles .

Balloonsandbunting · 09/02/2020 22:12

YANBU. My DH sometimes does this too, and I know what you mean about it feeling like you’re no longer watching it “together”. Plus, i know DH feels the same, because he also gets cross when i do it (yes, I am a hypocrite...)

peekaboob · 09/02/2020 22:13

I agree with you OP. We don't watch a lot of TV so when we do it's phones away so we can discuss thoughts on where the plot is going etc. We both count TV as an activity we can enjoy together. Exceptions to the rule are if there is something ending on eBay and we have bid on it. Together time is precious - I don't want to live in Wall-E world!

Beautyoftheirdreams · 09/02/2020 22:14

I'm annoying because I like to read about what I'm watching. It enhances it for me. I try not to do it when I'm watching something with DP but to be honest, if he makes comments I do find it a bit controlling and irritating. I don't get why we have to enjoy something in the particular way he expects

TidyDancer · 09/02/2020 22:15

Why does it matter to you what he's doing if you're watching TV? Either way you're not sat having a conversation that's interrupted by his phone so I don't see why it's a problem. You're spending time together regardless.

I wouldn't appreciate DP being that controlling tbh.

Peanutbutteryogurt · 09/02/2020 22:16

I think YABU, DP and I often look at cast lists while we're watching things, we're constantly saying who's that? Where do I recognize him from etc etc.

Original poster
ncagainforfeb · 09/02/2020 22:17

I should have said that if we’re watching yet another quiz show or the news or something then the phone thing doesn’t bother me, but it’s the fact that we specifically sat down to watch and enjoy this drama together!

OP posts:
Original poster
ncagainforfeb · 09/02/2020 22:19

Having read these comments I’m feeling really guilty now for having a go then walking out. I honestly feel like our relationship is on the rocks at the moment - it’s shit Sad

OP posts:
PurrBox · 09/02/2020 22:19

That would bother me so much- I sympathise OP.