Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

DH driving me mad - AIBU?

139 replies

ncagainforfeb · 09/02/2020 21:54

DH and I have been arguing a lot recently - we’re both going through stressful times in our jobs and have both been guilty of “bringing work home” and taking it out on each other. On top of that, I’m 28 weeks pregnant and am feeling more emotional and up and down than usual.

So anyway, tonight we sat down together to watch a TV programme that we both wanted to see. Two minutes in there was a crucial scene (somebody died!) and I glance over at DH to find he’s scrolling through his phone.

I asked him what he was doing and he said he was reading a synopsis of the show. I pointed out that he’d just missed a crucial bloody scene and he snapped at me, calling me controlling.

All I wanted was to watch a nice bit of TV together at the end of a hard week, maybe discuss it afterwards and enjoy the experience as a couple - not me watch it with him next to me scrolling through his phone. Why can’t he just watch the TV and put his phone down like everybody else?

Anyway, the argument escalated to him calling me a fascist so I left the room and have gone up to bed. AIBU?!

OP posts:

PhilCornwall1 · 10/02/2020 13:00

The TV watching in this case is not a solitary experience, it was supposed to be enhanced by the two going through the same emotions together. His failure to concentrate did diminish her enjoyment.

Go through the same emotions? Bloody hell its a TV, not some deep and meaningful life event!!

My wife could be having many emotions watching what she does. 99% of the time my "emotion" is "what a load of shite this is".

Bibidy · 10/02/2020 13:25

A lot of people are making completely irrelevant points here - OP has already said if she was watching something casual or that her DP didn't like, she wouldn't be fussed at all.

It's because they sat down together to watch and enjoy a drama, and he then started scrolling on his phone.

However, his saving grace for me was that he was reading a synopsis of the show, it's not like he was scrolling through Insta. Perhaps he just wanted to get a quick idea of what it was about before putting his phone away?

Squirrelpeanutbutter · 10/02/2020 13:29

It's because they sat down together to watch and enjoy a drama, and he then started scrolling on his phone

So what? I often go on my laptop, even if we're watching something. My DH wouldn't dare trying to tell me not to and quite right to.

5foot5 · 10/02/2020 13:42

I know where you are coming from OP. It sometimes feels like I am the only one in the house to really watch a programme. Both DH and DD will be on their phones or laptops while claiming to still be watching - even if it is a show they both really like. I assume, from reading some of the threads on Telly Addicts, that there are lots of people who are discussing a show on the internet while still watching it. How can people do that and still follow the plot properly and not miss anything?

It's different I suppose if it is a show that you are not really in to and just have on in the background or because someone else in the family wants it. I will use my tablet or read in those circumstances.

But for a show I really want to "watch" I give it all my attention.

Original poster

ncagainforfeb · 10/02/2020 13:51

Thanks to all the posters who made constructive comments on both sides. To the posters (I think there were a few) who searched me on MN to find my previous posts and also said I wouldn't be coming back - despite the fact that I made the original post at 10pm last night - you clearly have way too much time on your hands. Must be nice!

To update: having taken on board some of the comments on this thread, I apologised to DH this morning. He accepted and all is well.

Thanks to those of you who helped me put things in perspective!

OP posts:

Bibidy · 10/02/2020 14:16

"It's because they sat down together to watch and enjoy a drama, and he then started scrolling on his phone"

So what? I often go on my laptop, even if we're watching something. My DH wouldn't dare trying to tell me not to and quite right to.

It's just annoying isn't it?! When you've decided to do something together - even if it is just watching a TV show or film - and someone is sitting there on their phone. It's like they just don't really want to be there doing that with you.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 10/02/2020 15:21

Glad you're OK and have smoothed things with DH OP.

I wonder (generally, not just here) if posters thinking it's fine to be on your phone whilst watching, are thinking of this as though people watch, say Coronation Street every night - just routine unimportant stuff - not a problem to be scrolling etc as well. I agree this is fine and not impolite at all.

There is another aspect to this situation though - more like going to the cinema together where being on your phone is rude. I think for people with young DC or just boring lives like mine watching something "special" together like a box set, or a film you have been looking forward to, is more akin to a cinema "date" (vom, sorry ) than just vegging out in front of the TV as usual. Therefore it is impolite (IMO) to be on your phone.

I do think it's not as clear cut as it appears to be and there are different scenarios where it is rude (not talking about OP specifically).

For example, DH and I are going to watch the repeats of The Life together and have a nostalgia fest for the 90s . This has to be "scheduled" in around work shifts and DC stuff. When we sit down to watch together, it's to watch together and have a laugh, not to go on our phones, and I would find it rude, the same way I would if we went to the pub or cinema together.

Squirrelpeanutbutter · 10/02/2020 17:31

It might be okay for some to be in this sort of relationship but for me, who does what when the TV is on is of no interest.

adaline · 10/02/2020 17:40

Personally, that's just not something I could get offended by. If I'm concentrating on the TV, I don't really care what other people are doing!

HeronLanyon · 10/02/2020 22:40

Well done op for sorting it out. Well done both of you. Move along . . .

Aridane · 12/02/2020 00:59

Poor sod - wasn’t watching tv correctly ! ha ha

And he was actually reading about the show!!

YWBVU - Still, you’re apologised

Aridane · 12/02/2020 06:38

Poor sod - wasn’t watching tv correctly !

Still, you’re apologised

Aridane · 12/02/2020 06:39

(sorry, partial duplication)

JudyCoolibar · 12/02/2020 07:56

You've sat down to watch something together - to me it's the same as having a meal together, it wouldn't be acceptable for him to be on his phone then.

But it can't be the same as having a meal together, can it? Potentially we spend way more time watching TV than we do eating, and it's the nature of having a meal that your hands are occupied (so not scrolling) and you're getting up and down to serve, clear plates etc, and you tend to be chatting whilst you eat.

Whilst we may well chat during lightweight programmes, I don't really want to chat during something which may be spoilt if I mishear it; however, I don't want to sit there reverently doing nothing except watch the TV for an hour at a time. In general I like to knit or sew whilst watching, but fairly obviously I wouldn't do that during a meal.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6