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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think taking a “Mental Health Day” is a bit wanky?

429 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 09/02/2020 09:34

Honest disclaimer: I’m not trying to minimise mental illness... I’ve suffered with depression myself and attempted suicide three times since I was 16.

I work in management in a corporate environment. Over the past couple of years I’ve seen a rise in my staff (and I hate to say, it does tend to be the younger ones) taking what they call “mental health days”

Now if your mental health is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, come into work and do your job (or at least reduced duties) then you have my upmost sympathy. And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

But... you shouldn’t take a day or two off - which will have a detrimental impact on the rest of the team - just because you are bit tired or stressed. Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

I firmly believe that if you are capable of being in work, you should be in work. You are an adult, with contractual obligation and responsibility that you get paid to fulfil.

To further clarify; I’m talking about when members of my team call in sick for one day (often a Monday or Friday) and upon their back to work interview tell me that they were just “mentally exhausted” or “needed to recharge”, when I suggest the route of occupational health or support they don’t want that - they agree there is nothing we need to change to support them.

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

OP posts:
Kirkman · 11/02/2020 05:28

Love how turning up to work on days you are meant to is being seen as bending over backwards. Grin

WobblyAllOver · 11/02/2020 05:57

I can see that some industries, where people can be replaced very easily, would frown on taking a day off your mental health. But I think those type of companies have the stupid rule of x amount of days off = disciplinary action.

For others where it costs an awful amount to replace people due to experience and skills then having someone take time out for whatever type of illness then it pays as they are then productive at work rather than muddling through doing a half arsed job.

larrygrylls · 11/02/2020 07:00

The idea that you can either take a day off or do a half arsed job is a false dichotomy. Ultimately, if you cannot do the job you are contracted for, you need to talk to your employer and seek a long term solution.

73% of respondents know exactly what the OP is talking about, those who party hard at the weekend, feel tired and stressed on Monday, and decide to take a day off, justifying it to themselves as a mental health day.

ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 11/02/2020 08:10

It's not a dichotomy - I've had the odd day in a year where I could either take the day off, or spend the rest of the week crying, a nervous wreck and unproductive.

The idea that you're either totally mentally healthy or need serious involvement from several authorities is also a false dichotomy.

In jobs where skills are required and it takes months to recruit a suitable person, they usually accommodate anything that means their staff are happy and productive. Those sorts of jobs are also ones where you need to think and concentrate, and you can't when you're burnt out and crying.

WobblyAllOver · 11/02/2020 08:34

The idea that you can either take a day off or do a half arsed job is a false dichotomy

You do realise that you don't go from full health straight to admitted to hospital.

There are numerous physical or mental symptoms that would mean you can't concentrate fully and would mean it impacted your work. It's those days when sick leave is required to get you back to full strength and work effectively.

thehorseandhisboy · 11/02/2020 08:48

cucumbercookie yes this is why mental health problems don't show up in short term sickness absence stats. People know that they'll be thought of as skiving, not pulling their weight, lazy or uncommitted so say that they have a stomach upset or migraine instead.

larrygrylls if someone has a pattern of Monday absences, their organisation needs to address that with them, not dismiss anyone who takes a Monday off as having partied too hard.

BrimfulofSasha · 11/02/2020 11:30

If you are genuinely mentally ill then yes you should absolutely have time off sick.

If you are just a bit stressed/overwhelmed USE YOUR HOLIDAY ENTITLEMENT...that's what it is for.

thehorseandhisboy · 11/02/2020 14:34

What if you don't have any holiday entitlement left or have to book holiday week in advance?

Do you just postpone your mental health needs, you know, like you can put off having norovirus if the timing doesn't suit you?

larrygrylls · 11/02/2020 17:24

Itswhatitis,

If you are in a high skilled job and fairly indispensable, you can pretty much dictate your terms and conditions. No employer will care if a highly valued employee takes the odd day off for whatever reason (which was where the ‘duvet day’ perk came from).

That is not what I judge OP meant.

adaline · 11/02/2020 17:28

If you are just a bit stressed/overwhelmed USE YOUR HOLIDAY ENTITLEMENT...that's what it is for.

What if you don't have any left?

JosefKeller · 11/02/2020 17:36

what if you have kids and you need your holiday entitlement for actual holidays and childcare?

Not many people have such a generous entitlement they can afford to waste days here and there when they are unwell.

larrygrylls · 11/02/2020 17:36

Adaline,

Realistically you have to manage it. One day off, no issue. Many Monday’s/Fridays off per annum with no intention of dealing with the problem and you are effectively being paid for other people to do your work. Is that fair? Will people be resentful of your extended weekends?

jellycatspyjamas · 11/02/2020 17:40

What if you don't have any left?

Sick leave isn’t a way to extend your annual leave. I tend to ask myself “if I wasn’t paid for staying off work would I go in”, if I would stay off unpaid, I take the day off on sick leave.

adaline · 11/02/2020 17:57

Sick leave isn’t a way to extend your annual leave. I tend to ask myself “if I wasn’t paid for staying off work would I go in”, if I would stay off unpaid, I take the day off on sick leave.

I never said it was? Confused

My comment was wrt to a PP who said use annual leave if you feel stressed or overwhelmed. Not everyone has enough leave to be able to do that.

I didn't get paid more than SSP in my last job and still needed 10 weeks off.

JosefKeller · 11/02/2020 18:17

Sick leave isn’t a way to extend your annual leave.

but annual leave is not there to take as sick day either

thehorseandhisboy · 11/02/2020 19:37

Absolutely. If you become sick during annual leave, you are entitled to take the time as sickness (as long as you notify your employer at the time).

People should be using annual leave for a break from work (or for childcare realistically if you have young children) not to mask their sickness.

MelbaToast · 11/02/2020 23:02

thehorseandhisboy you're right - it's not always clear cut what constitutes major and minor.

The problem is that no one can see it and maybe it's because of this, there isn't cohesive guidance (which probaby would help), to help people make that decision. I'm all for people making an effort if they're just feeling a bit down but there is definitely a point where you just know that you wouldn't be any good to anyone, if you went in.

northernlittledonkey · 11/02/2020 23:12

I think it’s Probably the modern equivalent of me calling in sick when I was in my 20s and telling my male boss that I had period pains or a UTI.

larrygrylls · 12/02/2020 06:20

The issue here is the pattern. If sometimes a day turned into a week or a month, that would represent a disease pattern. You never know on day one of an illness how long it is going to last. In addition, the pattern of it occurring around weekends is not pathological.

If someone regularly took Mondays off with a self diagnosed sore throat or sniffle, I would be equally unsympathetic.

In addition, as soon as the OP tries to change work to support the person and prevent the stressor, they run away, again not indicative of a real issue.

There is a huge difference between stigmatising mental health and it being a ‘get out of jail free’ card.

If you are that special and so indispensable that you can work 80% of the time and still be invaluable to your employer, I am sure you will be able to negotiate that in your contract.

Kirkman · 12/02/2020 06:56

Not everyone has enough leave to be able to do that

Such a weird argument, very few people have enough annual leave to do everything they want or need. Sick leave isnt an extension of annual leave.

Poohpooh · 12/02/2020 07:01

I’ve never heard of this at my company (30,000+ people). The grads / young staff are ambitious and I haven’t seen this behaviour. We are also a M-F industry for the most part.

Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

Now this is wanky. You make it sound like employers give people the weekend off as a favour.

Poohpooh · 12/02/2020 07:03

Also I didn’t take a single day off sick in 2019. If I decided in 2020 that I want to have a duvet day I won’t beat myself up for it. It will be a strict one-off though. And I probably won’t do it.

adaline · 12/02/2020 07:07

Such a weird argument, very few people have enough annual leave to do everything they want or need. Sick leave isnt an extension of annual leave.

Not a weird argument at all.

If you need a day off for your mental health you should take it as sick leave. You wouldn't tell someone with a migraine to use their annual leave to cover it, so why is it okay when it's MH related?

FYI if you're off sick during annual leave you can claim the time back. Annual leave is for resting, not for mental health days and sick days.

Kirkman · 12/02/2020 07:15

If you need a day off for your mental health you should take it as sick leave. You wouldn't tell someone with a migraine to use their annual leave to cover it, so why is it okay when it's MH related?

That's a different argument. If you know you need plenty of down time or your mental health will suffer, then use you days off and annual leave to ensure you have downtime. Which is what people who were saying using annual leave, were saying.

Using mental health sick days because you dont plan downtime into your days off and want to use your annual leave for something else, is ridiculous.

As you say annual leave is for rest.

GoodbyeRosie · 12/02/2020 07:19

This is simply throwing a sicky, and it really dumbs down diagnoseed mental health conditions.

MH days mean it's ooen season for people to not come in if they don't feel like it.

What if all staff in a department did it at the same time?

Absolutely ridiculously and dangerous for snall businesses livelyhoods if it catches on.

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