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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think taking a “Mental Health Day” is a bit wanky?

429 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 09/02/2020 09:34

Honest disclaimer: I’m not trying to minimise mental illness... I’ve suffered with depression myself and attempted suicide three times since I was 16.

I work in management in a corporate environment. Over the past couple of years I’ve seen a rise in my staff (and I hate to say, it does tend to be the younger ones) taking what they call “mental health days”

Now if your mental health is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, come into work and do your job (or at least reduced duties) then you have my upmost sympathy. And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

But... you shouldn’t take a day or two off - which will have a detrimental impact on the rest of the team - just because you are bit tired or stressed. Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

I firmly believe that if you are capable of being in work, you should be in work. You are an adult, with contractual obligation and responsibility that you get paid to fulfil.

To further clarify; I’m talking about when members of my team call in sick for one day (often a Monday or Friday) and upon their back to work interview tell me that they were just “mentally exhausted” or “needed to recharge”, when I suggest the route of occupational health or support they don’t want that - they agree there is nothing we need to change to support them.

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

OP posts:
karencantobe · 10/02/2020 19:09

Yes some really suffered mentally from WW2. You have to remember people in prisoner of war camps were often tortured and the fighting in some areas was still hand to hand combat.
But plenty of people went through WW2 without any mental health support and were fine. My grandfather was one of those.

larrygrylls · 10/02/2020 19:17

For those defending this:

How do you judge you need a ‘mental health’ day? How do you know that, once at work and into the swing, you won’t feel better?

And, do you feel you need to think about Monday during the weekend, in order to get enough rest to be happy to go to work on Monday?

adaline · 10/02/2020 19:21

How do you judge you need a ‘mental health’ day? How do you know that, once at work and into the swing, you won’t feel better?

Experience?

And, do you feel you need to think about Monday during the weekend, in order to get enough rest to be happy to go to work on Monday?

When I was at my lowest, work consumed my every thought. I even dreamt about it. I woke up anxious in the night. Crying. All sorts. If I knew I could have a day off on my own to regroup, it would have helped massively.

SciFiRules · 10/02/2020 19:23

Does anyone else think that an unintended effect of mental health awareness is that no one just has the "blues" anymore they are depressed, no one feels nervous anymore they have anxiety. In short normal emotions are diagnosable. I think that this then maskes the discussion around mental health issues which are emotions outside of the norm. I think growing up is about dealing with the range of emotional states that we will normally encounter - not about avoiding them or expecting others to adjust around us.

adaline · 10/02/2020 19:26

@thehorseandhisboy exactly.

Lots of GP's won't put that work is the cause of the problem on the sick note - when I was signed off, she asked what I was happy to have written on my note as she didn't want it to cause me any problems when I handed it in.

So when you've had colleagues or employees call in with colds/stomach bugs/migraines and you think it's fine because it's a physical illness, just be aware that they might not be being completely honest with you.

MrsBrentford · 10/02/2020 19:28

This would be abused where I work (Local Authority) some wankers absolutely take the piss (can self cert for 5 dats without a doctors note).

Arrowfanatic · 10/02/2020 19:40

I haven't RTFT but it's people like this who make it harder for those with genuine mental health issues to get the support and understanding they deserve.

I'm all for taking time off when you need it but that is what annual leave is for.

Olliephaunt4eyes · 10/02/2020 20:23

How do you judge you need a ‘mental health’ day?

When I feel physically paralysed lying in bed, and can't quite get myself to move. I know I ought to, but for some reason I'm frozen. Wide awake, just staring at the clock, watching it tick by.

Sometimes I push myself to get out of bed and the walls start to close in on me. I get giddy. Occasionally my chest shuts down and I can't breathe. All I'm aware of is the noise of my heart thudding in my chest. On at least one occasional I wound up lying on the floor in the hallway staring at the ceiling because my whole body had shut down.

Maybe it would be better if I got to work. Other times it won't be.

A couple of times I've known when I've had hysterical sobbing fits in the stationary cupboard for the two days previously and needed a day to try and break the cycle. Guess I could have gone in and cried in a cupboard instead of working.

Another time I was going to walk into work to hand in my resignation and walk out, and sod notice, but took a day to think it through. I did leave that job but lasted another couple of months until I had another.

Olliephaunt4eyes · 10/02/2020 20:32

As an aside, one of the other things that hugely bothers me about these conversations is the "it is the skivers who make it hard for those people with genuine health conditions" as if

A) there is a clear and dividing line between Real Mental Health Problems (TM) and feelings that you should just be able to plough through by the power of having a stiff upper lip and proper work ethic or some shit.

B) It's completely obvious from the outside which is which.

And both are bollocks, and the attitude that it's ok to judge whether your co workers "deserve" time off sick is far far more damaging to anyone dealing with a major ongoing health issue than that one time Kevin took a sick day due to his hangover.

J0nah · 10/02/2020 20:46

Try working for a company that only pays SSP when you're off sick. I'm fairly sure no--one would take a "mental health" day then.

PorpentinaScamander · 10/02/2020 20:53

J0nah

Try working for a company that only pays SSP when you're off sick. I'm fairly sure no--one would take a "mental health" day then.

My company only pay SSP, and only after 3(or possibly 5) days of sickness. I still took MH days. Because I needed them.

RealMckoi · 10/02/2020 21:02

I agree with RedSheep. As someone who genuinely suffers with mental health myself, I wouldn’t ever even dream of using it as a reason for taking time off. I’d probably say ANYTHING else. But I don’t skive anyway, as I hate letting people down.
Sounds like the people using it as an excuse for skipping work whenever they can’t be arsed to go in are just taking the piss. And in the process, giving people with real mental health problems a bad name...

adaline · 10/02/2020 21:03

Try working for a company that only pays SSP when you're off sick. I'm fairly sure no--one would take a "mental health" day then.

Been there, done that. I still took those days. Because I needed to.

MelbaToast · 10/02/2020 21:15

I haven't RTFT. I think the point is defining what counts as something minor and what doesn't.

I recently called into work sick because I was having a heavy bleed following a miscarriage. No matter how much I wanted to go into work, I was a mess and really down. Does that classify as something that's minor, or not? I didn't need occupational health, I just needed a day at home, with my partner, to get over it. I wasn't going to be honest about it because I didn't want the world or my colleagues knowing what had happened.

There are obvious things, like PTSD, anxiety and depression which need to be dealt with as ongoing issues and some things that are borderline.

If you were to compare it to physical health, you wouldn't only take time off if you had cancer or cholera or another deadly disease, would you? You would also take a day or two for gastric flu / flu / chest infection.

thehorseandhisboy · 10/02/2020 21:20

karencantobe pretty much everyone went through WW2 without any mental health support. There wasn't any.

That doesn't mean that countless people didn't suffer PTSD, depression, anxiety or any other mh problem. Many took their own lives. Many live quietly with depression for years. Many took to drink, or fighting or abusing their family.

It's great that your grandad was 'fine' during the war. Truly. But surely you're not extrapolating from that and saying that everyone else was or should have been?

As for the "people who do this make it harder for those with 'genuine' mental health problems." I disagree. Poorly run organisations that can't properly manage sickness absence nor support people make things harder for everyone.

It's incredibly poor management that assumes that because one person took off to Disneyland while they were off work sick everyone else is swinging the lead too, and can't actually performance manage the person who did this.

The primary economic cost to organisations is 'presenteeism' ie people going in to work but not being productive because they're not well enough. This practice is also bad for the employee and their colleagues. Yet it seems to be what many posters think is the right thing to do.

thehorseandhisboy · 10/02/2020 21:21

MelbaToast I'm sorry about your miscarriage. Of course you were right to take at least a day off.

Whether something counts as 'minor' or 'major' surely depends on the person, and only they can truly know that.

peonylane · 10/02/2020 21:27

Wow, I didn't know Mental Health Days existed in the corporate world . I totally get why someone with MH would need them and think it's a fantastic idea.. but...to go to Disneyland..that's taking the total biscuit.

Mummyshark2019 · 10/02/2020 21:31

Totally agree. I would feel like such a cheeky fucker doing that.

NarwhalsNarwhals · 10/02/2020 21:51

In the circumstances you describe YANBU but, when I needed a mental health day my boss got "I can't come in, I need a day." because at that moment I couldn't explain it.

vegvegveg · 10/02/2020 21:56

Some of the ignorance on this thread is shocking.

No wonder people are still afraid to be open with their employers when it comes to mental health.

cucumbercookie · 10/02/2020 21:57

I find it odd the amount of posters who've said that people with 'real mental health issues' would make up a physical illness and not declare that they were simply not in the right mental state to come to work. Why is that? It's as though they think that someone who is actually mentally unwell should be far too ashamed to ever be open about it which is wrong and a terrible attitude to have.
I've suffered terribly with my mental health from a devastatingly young age and I took over a year off work because of it at one point and when people asked why I didn't work I said it was because I was ill. That was true, I was as incapable of getting up everyday and going to work as someone with a physical illness would be. I couldn't even brush my hair or teeth or take a shower.
I think that mental health days are the same as sick days and just like sick days you'll have the odd person who 'pulls a sickie' or takes the piss and it's up to you as their higher up to judge and deal with those people as is appropriate just as you would with someone who gets a migraine every other Monday and Friday

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 10/02/2020 22:35

Why is that? It's as though they think that someone who is actually mentally unwell should be far too ashamed to ever be open about it which is wrong and a terrible attitude to have.

I dont think it's anything to do with shame but to do with the attitude many people have on this thread (and therefore in wider society) about mental health. It's acceptable to have a day for a migraine, people understand this, people accept it. Say it's for mental health and all of a sudden everyone should be pulling themselves together, a day cant fix it, I wait for annual leave etc etc etc. Basically what I've learned from this thread is that the stigma around mental health is alive and well and possibly thriving.

ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 10/02/2020 22:38

All of this "well I've got a work ethic so I wouldn't skip work for some stupid reason" smacks of just not understanding that other people are different. Some people hit a horrible patch and need 1 day off to avoid hitting breaking point. You're lucky if you've never suffered MH problems and think we should plough on like in the good old days, but we're not all like that. Oh and I took sick days even though they were unpaid, because I needed them, because I couldn't sleep for days and felt so wired but also exhausted and unable to focus on anything.

And congratulations on your great work ethic. Where has it got you exactly? The ones volunteering and bending over backwards for their employers like they're a charity case will be the first ones in for a shock when they get made redundant or screwed over. Your company has no loyalty towards you, they are there to make money. So why would you put any employer above your own health?

cucumbercookie · 10/02/2020 22:47

@FormerlyFrikadela01 good point. This thread has really opened my eyes to how much stigma there still is and I'm genuinely shocked.
No days off for mental health unless you're either bed bound or about to be sectioned but a few days off for a nasty cold is entirely reasonable. Truly depressing.

Daftodil · 10/02/2020 23:09

I was prepared to say YABU until I read this:

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

This is outrageous and surely what annual leave is for?! Presumably she would've needed to book Disney tickets, flights/Eurostar tickets, hotel etc in advance so it isn't appropriate to take sick days for this (makes it harder to cover shifts if giving no notice too, so a bit selfish when she is basically just taking extra days holiday). It makes a mockery of the system and is the reason why people have less sympathy for those who are genuinely struggling.

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