Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think taking a “Mental Health Day” is a bit wanky?

429 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 09/02/2020 09:34

Honest disclaimer: I’m not trying to minimise mental illness... I’ve suffered with depression myself and attempted suicide three times since I was 16.

I work in management in a corporate environment. Over the past couple of years I’ve seen a rise in my staff (and I hate to say, it does tend to be the younger ones) taking what they call “mental health days”

Now if your mental health is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, come into work and do your job (or at least reduced duties) then you have my upmost sympathy. And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

But... you shouldn’t take a day or two off - which will have a detrimental impact on the rest of the team - just because you are bit tired or stressed. Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

I firmly believe that if you are capable of being in work, you should be in work. You are an adult, with contractual obligation and responsibility that you get paid to fulfil.

To further clarify; I’m talking about when members of my team call in sick for one day (often a Monday or Friday) and upon their back to work interview tell me that they were just “mentally exhausted” or “needed to recharge”, when I suggest the route of occupational health or support they don’t want that - they agree there is nothing we need to change to support them.

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

OP posts:
Leontine · 10/02/2020 05:13

Someone described it to me as them taking a couple of days off now to avoid having to take longer off later, which made perfect sense to me.

Jellycatfox · 10/02/2020 05:25

YABU because And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

You can self certify yourself for a week off work in the UK and you would not get occupational therapy involved for someone missing 1 day or a week of work for being sick with anything

You are making huge generalisations here.

Pixxie7 · 10/02/2020 05:26

Couldn’t agree more, the problem as I see it is it is actually being minimised because it is used a bit like the back pain, it is difficult to to prove one way or another.

Jellycatfox · 10/02/2020 05:26

No people who went to the world war did not take mental health days. The philosophy was not to dwell on negative things. So most men who fought in the trenches or who were in horrific prisoner of war camps never spoke to their family about it.
The exception was those with PTSD, then called shell shock. They did have psychiatric treatment.

I don’t know what to do with this

Elephantonascooter · 10/02/2020 05:43

You generalisation that it's young people who take mh days actually pisses me off a bit. We are trying to ensure we don't end up as damaged as a lot of our elders have. We have seen the effects of not dealing with mental health issues are and are trying to change that. Such as suicide being the biggest killer of males under 40.

I suffer from mental health illnesses. I work 4 days a week. I should have taken some mental health days a while ago. I didn't for fear of being perceived as you have a described. I'm now on long term sick as a result. I should have listened to myself and known. But there is such a stigma, I felt I would be categorised as you have described. And the bosses as my work have all undergone mental health training from mind mental health charity. And I still didn't feel like I could.

What you may see as taking the piss, that person may feel is their only option. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
A dear friend of mine has taken a few mental health days all on a Monday. Turns out she really needed a length of time off but was taking them on Mondays as her partner worked from home the other 4 days a week and she was afraid of telling him what was going on as he controlled her quite a bit. Imagine explaining. That to your boss who had just assumed.

SciFiRules · 10/02/2020 06:11

There is obviously a balance here but in general what in earth is a day at home going to do to improve your MH?
Rattling around with your own thoughts is generally a bad idea at the best of times in my experience.
Overtired I understand, and if someone were to say that they'd had disturbed sleep and weren't fit to work I could see that as genuine, particularly if driving or conducting a higher risk activity - describing that as MH issue seems incorrect. My mind was racing last night about a tough week last week and the week ahead, I'm shattered this morning but it doesn't mean I have a mental illness or that I'm taking a day off.

Itwasntme1 · 10/02/2020 06:16

@karencantobe mental health has always been an issue. Bottling things up in the way you describe is unhealthy, and I think you are. Romanticising a time you seem to know very little about.

World war vets had an awful time after the war - there are countless reports of untreated mental issues.

larrygrylls · 10/02/2020 06:20

YANBU,

When I clicked this I thought it would be 98/2 in your favour, surprised to see a quarter of people feel comfortable with what is basically skiving. This type of skiving just puts additional load and stress on the rest of the staff and is totally unfair.

Firstly, if you suffer from mental health issues, seek treatment. Secondly, I cannot see how one day off will help if you have a genuine issue (especially a long weekend).

I would tell these slivers to bring in a GP’s note next time.

HelgaHere1 · 10/02/2020 06:20

My views are that many mental health problems are due to pressures you often put on yourself, or put on you by other people eg pressure to conform to society's expectations of you (you are female so kind and sympathetic), pressure to be what you see yourself as eg you see yourself as a busy, capable person, and actually you are extremely shy and you are fighting your true self to appear what you feel is acceptable to you (or otherwise you might be ashamed of /embarrassed by yourself), DH is a bully but you can't leave as it would upset the DCs etc etc etc etc
in the above cases treating it as a disease which has randomly struck you is wrong, it is being caused by your life conditions.
Anti-depressants will help you cope but the solution is to change the life situation, which is difficult. Also understanding that the above is the cause of your problems, and understanding that you are not struck down by a disease, empowers you to see things differently and perhaps have counselling to deal with your outlook and change your beliefs and make life changes. And seeing it for what it is removes the victimhood you can feel if you are randomly struck down by disease.

This was my experience but unfortunately my beliefs about myself were formed in childhood and it took 40 years to be able to see past them and to see the problems they were causing me. Hopefully with the attention that mental health gets nowadays this generation of young people will get themselves sorted long before that.

DontGoJasonWaterfalls · 10/02/2020 06:24

Secondly, I cannot see how one day off will help if you have a genuine issue

From my own experience one day off meant I didn't spend the whole day randomly bursting into tears in the office and could catch up on the sleep I'd missed, and then feel ready when I went in the next day to properly work.

larrygrylls · 10/02/2020 06:26

Helga,

You are assuming that an increased focus on mental health will lead to less issues. Frankly, I doubt it, I suspect the stiff upper lip generation suffered less, not more.

If there was a scintilla of evidence to support ‘mental health’ days, I would support them, but there isn’t.

I am fully in support of destigmatising mental health issues. There is, however, a difference between encouraging proper treatment and acceptance of real disease and allowing the self diagnosis of ‘mental health’ issues based on being tired or stressed.

And what about the rest of the staff who now have to bear the burden?

GrumpyHoonMain · 10/02/2020 06:30

In corporate environments young single people without families are the life-blood. They work far longer hours for lower pay and with much less flexibility and organisations need to avoid burnout - that’s why many offer MH days (either formally or informally) as a perk. Even then they probably take far less sick days / days off than parents do, so it’s worth it.

Olliephaunt4eyes · 10/02/2020 10:07

Secondly, I cannot see how one day off will help if you have a genuine issue

You do know that taking multiple days off to deal with MH issues is normally actually viewed even more negatively by employers than just taking one? I think often a mental health day is something people take when they desperately could do with more time off but are taking the bare minimum they need to function.

Throwawaytheatre · 10/02/2020 10:55

Sorry I haven’t returned yet - I was dealing with covering the college who called in sick.

Maybe I didn’t phrase it right in my OP.

I don’t think taking a day because you have genuinely poor mental health is wanky... I think taking a day off because you are tired or a bit stressed is wanky.

I genuinely believe that mental health is as important as physical health. But, I think if you feel so bad that you need a day off to avoid a break down then you should be seeking support/doctors/OH involvement.

If you’re not at that stage then I think it’s comparable to having a sick day for sniffles in case it becomes a cold.

OP posts:
Fallofrain · 10/02/2020 11:00

The thing is taking one day off can be the start. It definately might not fix a serious issue but can be a foothold.

We dont say well one day off wont fix a physical illness

In the same way taking one day off might help you manage a short case of an illness like a horrid cold, or headache. It might also help if you have a chronic illness to have a single day off here and there, eg if you have a really bad day with something like lupus then that one day off might allow you to rest up and tackle the rest of the week
It hasnt cured anything but might help significantly.

adaline · 10/02/2020 11:04

I don’t think taking a day because you have genuinely poor mental health is wanky... I think taking a day off because you are tired or a bit stressed is wanky.

But you've just totally contradicted yourself.

Stress and poor sleep are both signs of poor mental health. When my anxiety is bad, I don't sleep properly and the little things really get to me. I end up tearful and even more anxious and the cycle just continues on and on. Sometimes a single day off can be the difference between coping and not. It's not that easy to get a GP appointment - sometimes you have to wait 2-3 weeks.

For me, a day off can mean I can sleep and get my head together without having to think about work and deal with customers. Now I'm self-employed and work from home, I can plan my diary so I have sufficient down-time. I couldn't always do that when I was commuting two hours a day and working 9+ hours on top of that.

Luckily my current job involves getting outside and being with dogs - both of which are fantastic for my anxiety and overall wellbeing.

PorpentinaScamander · 10/02/2020 11:18

I'd take a day off if I had a 'migraine aura' as I knew that I needed to take aspirin and spend a day in a dark room. If I didn't I'd end up with a migraine and need anything up to 3 days off.
I see MH as the same. I needed some time off to sleep/pull myself together/whatever I needed. I couldn't take it and have ended up being off for a year.

Pringlesonthetable · 10/02/2020 11:34

Unfortunately the side effect of MH being taken more seriously and less stigma is that the difficulty in 'proving ' it makes it the new 'bad back'. Every workplace has people you know will take advantage.

I have had 4 days off, all separately in 13 years, labyrinthitis, muscle spasm and colds. I'm currently sat on here instead of work due to a stress related issue that resulted in a physical reaction and a hospital stay. I will self certify a week, if GP signs off I wont feel guilty. I need it, I know work won't think badly as my absence record is so good.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 10/02/2020 12:02

I genuinely believe that mental health is as important as physical health. But, I think if you feel so bad that you need a day off to avoid a break down then you should be seeking support/doctors/OH involvement.

So I take it that you also feel taking a day off for a physical health problem is only acceptable if you're at the point of needing additional support/doctors/OH involvement. So no random days off for a stomach bug, flu, migraine? I mean you think mental health is just as important as physical health correct?

Tell me, at what point do you think a day off for your mental health is acceptable?

karencantobe · 10/02/2020 12:03

I have never taken 1 day off for a physical illness unless I am throwing up. If I only need 1 day off, I am simply not ill enough to be off at all.

furrytoebean · 10/02/2020 12:05

If I only need 1 day off, I am simply not ill enough to be off at all.

Hmm

What a strange thing to say.

I get migraines, they are acute so I feel like shit and then I feel ok.

karencantobe · 10/02/2020 12:08

Yes migraines are fine to be off with of course. I don't get migraines.

But headaches, colds etc - if you only need 1 day you were never that ill anyway.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 10/02/2020 12:09

I have never taken 1 day off for a physical illness unless I am throwing up. If I only need 1 day off, I am simply not ill enough to be off at all.

In my experience the people that take 1 day off for physical illness (not the obvious piss takers) usually do so becasue they've battled into work for days and are exhausted and need that day to just rest. Just last week I sent someone home as she'd come in with a cold for several days and looked dead on her feet. She only had one and half days off but she looked massively better for it.

karencantobe · 10/02/2020 12:18

Okay we have very different approaches to illness. I would struggle in. But then unlike some of you I suspect I am in low paid work with no sick pay for the first 3 days. All of us just come in.
I suspect the difference here is that it is the middle classes who have the luxury to take a day off when they feel a bit under the weather

adaline · 10/02/2020 12:19

If I only need 1 day off, I am simply not ill enough to be off at all.

What a bizarre comment.