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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a mid year baby?

136 replies

anotherseasonchange · 09/02/2020 07:38

I have a September birthday.

I hate it, and I’ve always hated it. I had a cousin born at the end of July, but in the same school year. If I did anything well at school, it was always pointed out that ‘she’s a year older than ‘Emily’, really.’

I hated the way that for the duration of the school holidays my parents would say I was the age I would be in September.

I hated the way that my birthday happened almost as soon as the school year began.

These are all really super petty reasons and I know the real reason is that I hate turning 30, 40, whatever, almost a year before most of my peers.

I know this is ridiculous. I know people have good reasons for avoiding some months, mostly Christmas and July/August because of academic disadvantages, but ideally I’d really want a child born between March and May.

Maybe thinking about it it’s more that I don’t want my child to be like me Sad

This is a totally hypothetical child, by the way.

OP posts:
namechanger2019 · 09/02/2020 07:42

I have January, May, June, September and December children. Pros and cons for each. Totally fine to aim for a hypothetical month for your hypothetical baby. After having 2 near Christmas I planned the rest to not be around then too.

PartTimeEverything · 09/02/2020 07:42

My birthday is at the end of August and I hade it for similar but opposite reasons! Always being a year younger than everyone, no one is ever around for my birthday .... unfortunately dd is also an August baby (not on purpose!) but she seems fine with it so far ... we have a party at the end of the summer term, before everyone goes on holiday

Booboostwo · 09/02/2020 07:45

Honestly, it sounds like you have some self-esteem issues that would be worth addressing regardless of when you happen to have children.

PooWillyBumBum · 09/02/2020 07:45

My child was born in March and I’m due my next one any day now.

Neither were planned, would have loved to have them in Sept/Oct due to the academic advantage. I had an Oct birthday and thought it was great - one of the first to be able to drive, drink, vote etc among my peers. Plus I did very well at school and - statistically speaking - it’s likely my age within the year facilitated that.

Really, though, I don’t think it matters. It mostly sounds like your parents made your birthday month shit for you. If you’re not going to do that to your child then surely it doesn’t matter?

One thing I will say for having a spring baby is not being heavily pregnant in the summer is great, and it’s a nice time to take mat leave.

Original poster
anotherseasonchange · 09/02/2020 07:46

Probably correct there boo, and I do know it’s a really daft issue to have. Just the same, I hate my DOB ... and my name ...

OP posts:
Kubo · 09/02/2020 07:46

I hate turning 30, 40, whatever, almost a year before most of my peers.

What do you mean by this? Do you really only spend time with people in your school year?

PurpleFlower1983 · 09/02/2020 07:46

I’m an August baby and it was annoying being the last one able to drive and drink legally but for everything else it’s been great! I’ve never had to work on my birthday and usually get reasonable weather.

BitOfFun · 09/02/2020 07:46

I'd be careful. I have a grown-up mid-May baby, and her birthdays have been ruined for years by exams.

Original poster
anotherseasonchange · 09/02/2020 07:48

They didn’t, poo, to be fair to them. They always had a party for me while I was in primary school and then as I got older they would organise something like cinema, bowling, pizza, for a group of friends. I wish I could say there was some reason such as ‘yes, well no one came to my parties because it was too early in the year’ but they always did!

I remember being a bit fed up at ‘oh she’s 8’ sort of replies to people on holiday who asked my age because I was still 7! But that’s it.

OP posts:
Selfsettling3 · 09/02/2020 07:48

DD2 has a July birthday. I worry about her academically I really wish she had a September birthday instead. You don’t always conceive when you want and 1/4 of pregnancies end in miscarriage so you don’t always have control over these things.

Original poster
anotherseasonchange · 09/02/2020 07:49

I don’t spend time with many people at all kubo but historically my closest friends were in my school year, yes. One is August born and has a habit of declaring the awfulness of each age which is a bit shit when I’m just weeks from the year older. And I am now 39 Sad

OP posts:
Trahira · 09/02/2020 07:50

DH's birthday is two days after Christmas. He hated it as a child but these days he likes it as everyone is off work. I was born in May, which I liked as a child although I agree withBitOfFun about exams. At uni I had a finals exam on my birthday!

PixieDustt · 09/02/2020 07:53

I was born in August (was meant to be October) personally academically I was fine which is probably lucky. I had DS in July and in all honesty never really thought about the academic side of things. DP was born in July and again was fine academically.

BecauseReasons · 09/02/2020 07:54

I dunno, OP, you may just be predisposed to seeing the dark side of things. If you'd been a May baby, exams would've been a problem. I'm a March baby and mother's Day is often really close to my birthday, which can take up surrounding weekends. In April you've got the Easter holidays and people going away for them so no one is around to celebrate... I think you might take birthdays a tad too seriously.

lazylinguist · 09/02/2020 07:55

This is pretty weird. I'm an October birthday and nobody ever suggested that was why I did well in school. The idea that being a few months older than your peers makes any difference to anything once you are an adult is daft. You are what age you are. I have 2 dc, one with an April birthday and one at the very end of August. They do equally well at school. Seriously OP, you are making an unnecessary fuss. Besides, scheduling babies isn't always so easy...

jomaIone · 09/02/2020 07:57

Wow I think you're being ridiculous. You have had 39 birthdays, and you're still concerned about this?? Why do You hate your DOB? Really can't get my head around this at all!

Surely any difference it made was at school, but now you have been an adult for over 20 years, it shouldn't make a bit of difference?

OhTheRoses · 09/02/2020 07:58

I hope your plans work out for you and you don't find out the hard way that nature intervenes. There may come a time when you are so desperate for a baby you couldn't care less providing it's here and well.

Mine are Christmas Day and May. They have never complained - well DS a tiny bit and DD always has exams but it will pass.

I'm July, DH is August.

Cremebrule · 09/02/2020 07:58

My summer born will go to school in September and you can just see the massive advantage that autumn-born children have. I feel a bit bad that she will have to be compared to children who have had longer to develop. You really had the best of it in terms of birth date advantage. I’ve never heard of people have issues being the oldest- it’s normally always the other way round.

I don’t think there is a perfect time. I’ve got one summer and one spring. By all means plan for your baby to be in your ideal time frame- lots of people do.

BecauseReasons · 09/02/2020 08:00

@Cremebrule I agree with you. I've seen the social and emotional disadvantage too and if anything that concerns me more than the academic disadvantage. I'm considering applying to have mine start reception a year later.

RhymingRabbit3 · 09/02/2020 08:00

@Selfsettling
I think the miscarriage rate it's more like 1/10. 1/4 women have experienced miscarriage apparently, so maybe you're getting mixed up.

OP I think you're thinking about it too hard. It's not really a big deal!

TheGirlWithAPrince · 09/02/2020 08:01

my birthday is may , my husbands bday is June, my daughters is june and my son is july Haha we have a busy few months

ShowOfHands · 09/02/2020 08:01

I think this is something YOU need to deal with. Sad faces about your age are utterly necessary. I'm 39 and it's BRILLIANT. I'm alive and healthy and it's another year on the planet. There are pros and cons to any birth month and it sounds like you've hung a lot of anxieties on yours.

Poetryinaction · 09/02/2020 08:02

January birthdays are the pits.
I planned my kids' birthdays around the best mat leave, but I should have thought longer term.
Christmas/ January is rubbish. No one wants to celebrate/ bad weather/ no money etc.
Summer birthdays you have the disadvantage at school that seems to worry lots of people. And you get less time with them before they start school.
But with Autumn birthdays you have to pay for childcare until they are nearly 5.
For all these reasons, I reckon April is the best month! I would have loved a Spring birthday (mine is January, and now I feel bad I saddled my son with the same!).
Though it's not always possible to plan these things of course.

Parker231 · 09/02/2020 08:03

DT’s - early July birthdays. No problems with schooling and perfect for being equal time between birthday and Christmas celebrations.

QuietCrotchgoblins · 09/02/2020 08:03

Like others have said there are pros and cons to every birthday. The rounding up of your age must have been annoying. I heard advice to always state your child's age as it is e.g. she is 7, not she'll be 8 this year etc. Why age someone prematurely, a year is a big difference in childhood.

I choose September to get married in, it's a beautiful month, still summery but with a hint of autumn around the corner, I love it!

I have a child born in January which I felt bad about as it's the bleakest month surely?. I've tried to reframe my perspective as 'its great to have some exciting to look forward to after christmas', you can be sure it will be cold so not have the dilemma of a summer party where the weather is a gamble. Each month has something special.

You get to set the tone of the ' special birthdays,' start with a bang! By the time it gets round to the August birthdays on the year you all turn 30 etc everyone has been to lots of party's and the excitement is gone