To want a mid year baby?

[anotherseasonchange]

I have a September birthday.

I hate it, and I’ve always hated it. I had a cousin born at the end of July, but in the same school year. If I did anything well at school, it was always pointed out that ‘she’s a year older than ‘Emily’, really.’

I hated the way that for the duration of the school holidays my parents would say I was the age I would be in September.

I hated the way that my birthday happened almost as soon as the school year began.

These are all really super petty reasons and I know the real reason is that I hate turning 30, 40, whatever, almost a year before most of my peers.

I know this is ridiculous. I know people have good reasons for avoiding some months, mostly Christmas and July/August because of academic disadvantages, but ideally I’d really want a child born between March and May.

Maybe thinking about it it’s more that I don’t want my child to be like me

This is a totally hypothetical child, by the way.

My DD was born in May and is the youngest in her year, she is only 5 but hates it as everyone else in her year is already 6. We had behavioural problems and she has been struggling with school (amongst other things) and are currently being referred to CDC, but all my DF would say whenever myself or my DH would point out a concern is that she is a May baby, she is the youngest in her class, she will catch up.
My DS birthday is in September, which means he will have to wait an extra year before he starts school and he will be the oldest in his year.
My birthday is in February, which always meant it was difficult to do anything birthday wise as my DM has anxiety and hates snow, so it was always 'we cant do that what if it snows?' There are pros and cons for any month, my and my DH actually tried to aim for October or November for my DS to be born because that weren't many family/friends birthdays in those months but ended up with a September baby along with half the family.

How does the English system work then? I can't work out how you are the oldest?

I'm September and the oldest people in my school year were born in March. Alot of them were already five when they started school and i was four.

Nothing wing with a preference and trying to time things right, just be aware it may not happen to your plan, and it's not the end of the world if not.

We had a preference for when or children were born, and got it both times. Miscarry, fertility difficulties, premature births etc can all interfere with your plans.

Everyone , I am not worrying. I’m not pregnant and I’m unlikely to be. I’m just - talking

I don't think this thread is really about the timing of birthdays at all OP. You seem lonely and unhappy. Of course you can't help having these feelings, nor should you be judged for them, but you should try and get help to overcome them, purely because you will be happier without them.

Thanks, boo, you’re very kind

I agree with @Dividingthementalload- I've taught many summer borns who suffer with anxiety in mid-primary school. The data actually bears out that poor mental health is more likely for the summer borns, likely because children don't cope well with spending their formative years convinced they're not as able as their peers. The current curriculum is much more demanding and academically focused at a young age- they have the opportunity to fail their first standardised test (and know that they have, because they have to resit it a year later if they do) at the tender age of five. I think comparisons with summer borns who are currently in their twenties are missing a large part of the issue.

All a bit silly really. My birhday is beginning of September and more often than not the day the schools go back, so I've experienced all tbe drawbacks...and there are none, apart from it being shit to start secondary school on your birthday. Wait until you've had a mc or two, you won't give a flying fuck when your baby is born as long as it is ok.

@Morgan12 in England there is an iron-clad cutoff on August 31/September 1st. So September 1st is the oldest possible, August 31st the youngest. It's a recent development that parents can now ask to defer summer borns, but it's not yet common and can be met with a great deal of opposition from some local authorities, the permission of whom you need.

@OhTheRoses obviously there will be high achievers born later, and vice versa...studies still show statistically significant differences. Imagine me saying that smoking causing cancer is “hogwash” because my heavy smoker grandfather lived to 90. Of course there are outliers

I’m not having a baby but I am very sorry to hear about your miscarriages.

Yes I know the thread might seem ... off ... if you’re struggling to have children. I don’t even know what I’m talking about. My brother doesn’t want a boy in case it is like him.

My birthday is in May and I really like it. Obviously my parents didn’t exactly pick it but I feel for people with Christmas/New Year birthdays, etc.

I was one of the oldest in my school year (Scotland, so February cut off) and one of my best friends was born on 30th January so she was the second youngest. She felt a bit left behind, for example she went to uni too young to go out with her new friends. Although she’s happy now because she turned 29 a couple of weeks ago and we’re all staring down the barrel of 30

I'm January, that's also a rubbish time for a birthday my two are both May, haven't thought about exams as they're only little but it's nice to spread the presents throughout the year and it's a nice time to have a tiny baby as you can go out without worrying if they are going to freeze or overheat!

My DS has July birthday. He hated the fact that most of his friends could drive before he could but worse, he was left out for months when his friends could go out drinking and into clubs and he was left out.

I think there's cons to being born at any time of the year, to be honest.
DD1 is a January baby. So she's very close to Christmas.
DD2 will be a May baby. So she'll be right in exam season. She'll also be 'young' for her year so at a tiny academic disadvantage (where we live the cut off is end of June).

I was a March baby which was fine but the weather was still pretty crappy so everything I did for my birthday as a child was limited.

I wouldn't worry about it.

I guess it is ok to worry about stuff like this. You didnt like your DOB and you dont want it to happen to your hypothetical baby... so in a way YANBU and I understand.

However I am one of those people who is TTC for a long time and I dont give a tought when the baby will born, as long as it does... Seing someone to worry/plan about their hypothetical's baby's bday and bunch of people saying "I planned it to be this month because of this reason" makes me a little sad, jelaous and tiny bit resentful.. So I think it is a YABU from me ... sorry

Hope it works for you and you hit the jackpot with the dates you wish for your baby/babies 🥰

My birthday is in July and I never once heard or thought about the concept of summer born children being at a disadvantage until I had kids myself. I got into grammar school, did well, got a degree... my November born sister always got better grades than me but I think she’s just smarter 😂

My twins were due in October and born early September. No advantage here - they are both disabled and I’m now fighting to get them into specialist school. Certainly puts any concerns about parties and marginal grade difference into perspective- I don’t mean that in an unpleasant way either but the truth is that having children cannot be organised or planned and the children themselves cannot be predicted. My boys could quite easily have been born in August, and due to start school this September rather than next. I could have taken much longer to get pregnant. In the grand scheme of things it wouldn’t have changed things.

I've known lots of September born children who don't give a toss. Similarly some born in August which has a whole different dynamic but so what? As children get older - leave school and become adults, nothing could matter less. You can't always plan exactly when your child is born anyway.

Mine was born October, not a lot different really.

Most children love their age being rounded up. My niece would say importantly "I'm very almost 8" etc.

What's wrong with turning 30/40/50. Life is growing. I think you have a few issues.

PooWillyBumBum ime the state school bars are very low and it isn't hard for parents to put in that little bit extra to ensure their dc are on or ahead of the game. This extrapolates to poor grammar and syntax even post Masters.

Mine knew their letters and phonics at 3/4 and were both reading Harry Potter on their 6th birthdays.

They also knew their colours and numbers early and had exceptional speech. They loved the Greek and Roman myths and legends which gave them a head start when they started Latin.

Birthdays should not be blamed for low achievement when the culprit is low educational standards and low expectations. When I was 9 my primary school teacher told us the story of Beowulf in language children understood. It was fantastic. My DC's Y4 teachers hadn't heard of Beowulf and were giving them spelling to learn such as Guage.

It's not hard if parents just talk to their children.

If I hadn't worked with them on number bonds though, they'd have been behind because this was very poor at primary level. And don't get me on the subject of the teacher who labelled the vertical axis as x.

Outstanding primary btw but it irks that the emphasis is on birthday rather than poor standards and lazy teaching. It emphasis the liberal attitudes and culture of excuses.

I have a sept baby and totally get what you're saying! She's always been pretty advanced with her peer group from babies, to toddler years and preschool, and even if she'd started reception the year before, she still would have been in the top few in the class for reading/writing abilities as she picked up how to read and write at age 3, but with her being September she's even more ahead now, and all I get is "well she is one of the oldest, you'd expect her to be top of the class" and constantly downplaying her abilities and achievements. It's like she has to completely excel miles above the rest of the class for her abilities to even be noticed. It's just expected of her as she's one of the oldest. My mid year baby, isn't as academically minded as her sister anyway, but even when she does something slightly above average for her age, everyone seems ridiculously excited and astounded by it... 🤦🏻‍♀️
I do understand how being a September baby does put some children at an advantage, but I don't like the way it's always used as a reason to play down their achievements. My poor DD works so hard and is bright as a button, but doesn't often get praised at school as she's "an older one, they're always that bit ahead".

@ohtheroses 😮 just...wow! Your post is so patronising and disparaging! What a thoroughly unpleasant person you sound.

From: a ‘lazy’ teacher (who works 70 hours + a week, in what is legitimately classed in the UK as one of the most stressful jobs, alongside nursing, the military, firefighters and the police!)

Clearly I should put in more hours!

Ignore them northern. They don’t have the slightest clue. Those opinions are the preserve of people with bright children who think it’s easy, because it was easy for their children to learn.

I was a bright child who could read and write by the time I started school. My grandmother did put in effort to enable that and it paid off.

Meanwhile it has taken a year of intensive effort to teach one of my twins (age 3.5) his first sign. I am certain that I’ve put more effort into teaching him to point and learn that one sign than some parents have to put into teaching their children number bonds.

Equating academic attainment to parental effort and the extent to which you “talk to your children” is bullshit and downright offensive.

@OhTheRoses and if all parents put in the effort? Or none? I've taught quite a few decent middle/high achieving summer born in my class who have been hothoused to a ridiculous extent at home, but still not achieved the heights of the more able September borns who are also hot-housed at home. They also tend to be immature socially and emotionally by comparison. Of course there are also lower ability kids, but again, if you rule out SEND, the majority of lower-ability autumn borns with no home help will end up at a higher level than their summer-born counterparts. Why don't you do some research into it, rather than relying on your (rather outdated by now, given the curriculum changes) personal experience?