Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a mid year baby?

136 replies

anotherseasonchange · 09/02/2020 07:38

I have a September birthday.

I hate it, and I’ve always hated it. I had a cousin born at the end of July, but in the same school year. If I did anything well at school, it was always pointed out that ‘she’s a year older than ‘Emily’, really.’

I hated the way that for the duration of the school holidays my parents would say I was the age I would be in September.

I hated the way that my birthday happened almost as soon as the school year began.

These are all really super petty reasons and I know the real reason is that I hate turning 30, 40, whatever, almost a year before most of my peers.

I know this is ridiculous. I know people have good reasons for avoiding some months, mostly Christmas and July/August because of academic disadvantages, but ideally I’d really want a child born between March and May.

Maybe thinking about it it’s more that I don’t want my child to be like me Sad

This is a totally hypothetical child, by the way.

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 09/02/2020 11:49

Your reaction is odd for an adult. I am a September baby too. I did believe I had an advantage academically and my parents encouraged me to build on that. The only annoyance was that my birthday would usually fall on the first day back at uni each year so no lie in however I would always get to go for lunch with my mates. The weather could be hit or miss but it is the start of Autumn and I am from Manchester so no stranger to rain. My dd is a March baby and son was born in July. We live in Scotland so dd will be 5 years 5 months when she starts primary school. My ds will have just turned 5. This will actually work well as dd is behind her peers in her physical development whereas ds is miles ahead.

My dh is a January baby and he does feel like you as a kid outdoor birthday parties were out of the question. It almost always rains on his birthday too which enjoys himHmm.

If we do have another baby I would probably try for a May or June birth but it is not always easy to plan.

Sceptre86 · 09/02/2020 11:49

*annoys not enjoys

OhTheRoses · 09/02/2020 12:07

Well if my views are out of date let's hope the graduates of 2030 can construct grammatically correct sentences because those of 2020 can't unless they are Russell Group and well educated as well as well qualified.

It is the system and training colleges at fault btw not individual teachers although I shall never forget the phrase, written by the HT "last week there was a lot of dinners served for Christmas". Pivotal moment in transferring to the independent sector. What hope is there when the ht's grasp of language reflects the overall standards.

One can work 30 or 70 hours pw but if the foundation doesn't exist high quality teaching simply can't exist - not if it includes teaching things that are wrong.

BecauseReasons · 09/02/2020 12:16

I'm not quite sure what your last post has to do with the topic at hand @OhTheRoses. Even if the standards have fallen, that doesn't remove the disadvantages inherent in being summer-born.

Notsure94 · 09/02/2020 12:19

I've a summer and winter baby. Summer babe has struggled socially but in a way older peers have pushed them on academically, so he's never coasted like my younger son tends to do.

PineappleDanish · 09/02/2020 12:20

YANBU. Our DD is an end of August birthday and although her month of birth wasn't the only factor in our decision to move back to Scotland it was a consideration. I didn't want her being at school at just 4, and at a disadvantage right through.

Everyone knows someone who was born on 31st August and went to both Oxford and Cambridge, has PhDs from both and is a rocket scientist at NASA. However stats do show that on a population level, summer borns do worse.

My kids are all in the first half of the school intake year in Scotland. Being older is always better than being younger.

Of course there's always the issue of not being able to plan pregnancies like a military operation and the best laid plans of mice and men and all that. But the theory is sound.

schafernaker · 09/02/2020 12:28

DD is end of May and will always have whitsun holidays in her favour when it comes to exams etc.

She was due late July, so I guess had done better for herself being a premie!

DC2 is due mid June, we will see when they arrive. We are both teachers so for us it’s really nice that DH gets a couple of weeks paternity, then not too long after the whole summer to spend with them 😊 As a secondary teacher I wouldn’t say there’s a massive difference in when the students are born, parental engagement is the biggest thing we notice!

Newkitchen123 · 09/02/2020 12:44

Speaking as someone who couldn't have children I'd say if you can have children then that's all that matters

Aknifewith16blades · 09/02/2020 12:54

OP, you might find the Stately Homes thread in Relationships a good place to talk through some of your feelings.

EntropyRising · 09/02/2020 13:28

It seems likely that you have some emotional baggage contaminating a fairly trivial issue. I understand it something like birth month seems like a very important thing when your children are young, but it evaporates in time.

I have a September boy and he's at a (the?) top London school. For his pre-streaming school years, we did a fair bit at home with him, but we did that with our mid-year kid too.

Don't give it another thought.

AnotherEmma · 09/02/2020 13:34

I agree with Boo and others. The September birthday is a red herring. It sounds as if you have low self esteem and you're unhappy. That's the key issue.

"My brother doesn’t want a boy in case it is like him."
So your brother doesn't like himself very much either Sad

At risk of jumping to conclusions, were your parents difficult? cold? inconsistent? Just wondering if the Toxic Parents book and the Stately Homes thread might be helpful to you.

AnotherEmma · 09/02/2020 13:40

I do actually agree with you about March-May being the ideal time for a birthday, though. My DS was born in March and from my POV, it was lovely that it was spring and summer for the first 6 months - it was easy and pleasant to get out of the house for fresh air, which helped my mental health.

I was hoping for another spring due date but unfortunately it didn't work out and my second baby is actually due in September. I am not relishing the prospect of being heavily pregnant over the summer Sad But I'm not too worried about the child hating their birthday. It's not too close to Christmas and new year (which must be annoying) and it won't be in August - unless baby arrives early. August birthdays are not ideal for school age children as they're the youngest in the year and parties can be tricky as friends are often away on holiday.

Urkiddingright · 09/02/2020 13:42

Mine are March, June, August and October. I don’t have a preference on birth date, just wanted healthy children which I got. They’re all pretty smart and doing well, none are bothered about when their birthdays are. 3/4 were born in the school holidays which they enjoy but aside from that they’re not bothered.

lazylinguist · 09/02/2020 13:44

It sounds like this is about a lot more than birthdays, OP. Have you had any therapy to help you deal with your feelings of self-hatred? Because I think that as a possible prospective parent, the fact that you say you hate yourself and the fact that you are already allowing those feelings to affect how you approach parenthood are a lot more worrying than the possible month if your future children's birth.

ClappyFlappy · 09/02/2020 13:45

My eldest is April, it’s the perfect time of year to have a baby IMO, lighter when having to do early morning feeds and plenty of daylight for walks but not too hot. Here April also puts him as one of the oldest in his year at school which has been a plus as well.

ClappyFlappy · 09/02/2020 13:47

I'd be careful. I have a grown-up mid-May baby, and her birthdays have been ruined for years by exams

This is also true my birthday is May and it was always exam season. My last degree exam was on my 21st birthday!

NemophilistRebel · 09/02/2020 13:48

I’m October baby and love it .

DH is late summer baby and he’s ok with it but the stories he tells from his childhood sounds shit (everyone always away when it’s your birthday so never having a proper party etc)
I think it’s affected how he is now for sure

DearGod1 · 09/02/2020 13:50

It's bizarre for August burns to say they were a year younger than everyone else. Just the same way it is bizarre for September babies today they're a year older.

People aren't all born in September or August

I was born in May. I'd only be 3 months older than an august born.

Same way that a November born will only be 2 months younger than a September born.

There are all sorts of ages in school and once you leave age matters not. I have friends of all ages

TheGoogleMum · 09/02/2020 13:51

As a May baby, it is a pretty good time of year so aim for it if you can! I don't think I was at a disadvantage for being younger

feeona123 · 09/02/2020 13:51

I would liked summer babies!

I have March and December. March isn’t too bad but December is a nightmare...2 weeks before Christmas! Two lots of presents in two weeks!

Chanel05 · 09/02/2020 13:59

After ttc since June 2018 I am now 8 weeks pregnant and due in September. I am eternally grateful that I've fallen pregnant regardless. Fingers crossed your ttc journey is smooth sailing.

Lightlyfebreezed · 09/02/2020 14:04

Sounds like this is about more than birthdays for you OP

lazylinguist · 09/02/2020 14:06

I'm a teacher and linguist and have taught in state and independent schools, but even I find your remarks crass, snide, unpleasant and largely irrelevant to the thread, OhTheRoses. Maybe take your axe and grind it on Pedants' Corner?

You seem to be implying that simply by 'talking to their children' any parent can level the playing field created by inequality of upbringing, wealth, cultural capital and quality of school. That's not really the case.

You also seem to be reducing what makes a good teacher to a question of how accurate their grammar is. There are far more important traits. Some of the best teachers I've met have not had top-notch spelling or grammar, but they have inspired children and helped them achieve more than they thought possible.

BikeRunSki · 09/02/2020 14:13

@anotherseasonchange. DS (11) would agre with everything you’ve said. He has an early Sept birthday. He is tall anyway, and really tall snogs a group of peers. He hates that as he is tall and old, that he is always picked as a “leader” by teachers. He hates standing out. He hates that this year he had to go back to school on his birthday!

Oysterbabe · 09/02/2020 14:23

I have 2 December babies and I'm a December baby. We love it. December is party month in our house.