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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a mid year baby?

136 replies

anotherseasonchange · 09/02/2020 07:38

I have a September birthday.

I hate it, and I’ve always hated it. I had a cousin born at the end of July, but in the same school year. If I did anything well at school, it was always pointed out that ‘she’s a year older than ‘Emily’, really.’

I hated the way that for the duration of the school holidays my parents would say I was the age I would be in September.

I hated the way that my birthday happened almost as soon as the school year began.

These are all really super petty reasons and I know the real reason is that I hate turning 30, 40, whatever, almost a year before most of my peers.

I know this is ridiculous. I know people have good reasons for avoiding some months, mostly Christmas and July/August because of academic disadvantages, but ideally I’d really want a child born between March and May.

Maybe thinking about it it’s more that I don’t want my child to be like me Sad

This is a totally hypothetical child, by the way.

OP posts:
Pinkypie86 · 09/02/2020 08:05

First World problems or what!!
If that's all you have worried about for 39 years, I'd say your doing well.

I have a September born son, he turned 5 on his first day of school. I hope he won't ever 'hate'
Ffs, it's a birthday.

EightiesHair · 09/02/2020 08:05

I have an early April baby and another due early July and I think they're pretty good months as they're spread out from Christmas.

Original poster
anotherseasonchange · 09/02/2020 08:06

Well, I don’t think I’m making a fuss - unless just starting a thread on here constitutes making a fuss? It’s helpful to talk through things and why they bother you. Birthdays don’t bother me, I don’t think I’ve celebrated one since 2009. Age does, I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
anotherseasonchange · 09/02/2020 08:06

Er yeah pinky totally. It’s all I ever think about.

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 09/02/2020 08:12

All children are different. Just because it happened to you doesn’t mean it will happen again.

My ds is August born. At 3 he stood outside the primary school every day, looking in at his cousin and said “why can’t I go too Mummy”. He started at four and 9 days, and for him it wasn’t a moment too soon. In year 6 he came top in maths despite being younger.

If you have an August baby, you’ll pay on average £12,000 less in childcare before they start school, than a September baby.

Anyway choosing when to have a baby isn’t always that easy. They seem to arrive when they want Smile

GreyishDays · 09/02/2020 08:15

But think about your poor cousin being compared when she was actually nearly a year younger.

FilthyforFirth · 09/02/2020 08:19

How utterly odd. I have never met anyone who has complained about a September birthday. I thought it was universally accepted to be the best month! Honestly, try bloody January...

IanSomerhalderIsAGod · 09/02/2020 08:19

Summer born children can be held back a year at school so they start at 5 not 4.

But really it's a struggle when they're young isn't it to be almost a year younger and not be able to keep up?

It's totally up to you though, whenever it's born, a baby is a blessing Thanks

Charis1503 · 09/02/2020 08:24

I have a ds who will be 3 in July and his little brother or sister also due in July. Intentionally.

I love his July birthday and i love the way its split so evenly through the year. Summer gifts, slides,play tents ect and crafts,day trips ect as xmas gifts.

Birthdays just before the summer hols. We usually co incide a family holiday with his birthday.

Certainly is my ideal birthday month! Im sure I would have been delighted whenever he arrived though and im sure there are perks to each month!

X

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/02/2020 08:26

Pros and cons to all months.
I have an August toddler, sometimes I worry about her starting school soooo young but equally I have less nursery fees Wink.
I imagine she will have a birthday before school breaks up, at least the weather may make it a bit easier to plans things. As she gets older hopefully she’ll enjoy a summer birthday.
I’d hate to be a Christmas, or new year baby. Easter babies can have a nightmare with the moving of the half term and the weather is unpredictable- my March born nephew has had everything from a bbq to a snowed one birthday.

AJPTaylor · 09/02/2020 08:28

My bday Valentine's Day. Pain in the arse. No one wants to go out.
Dd1 day after Valentine's day. See above
Dh end of Feb, dark and depressing.
Dd2 beginning of Sept.
Dd3 November. Severe limit on venues for bday parties etc
With dd2 the only issues were having to have parties a couple of weeks into term. But the upside was that because hers was first in the school year, she got lots of invites back.

Original poster
anotherseasonchange · 09/02/2020 08:32

The problem is me rather than September birthday, I do get that. Maybe it is odd but sometimes you have feelings, and you might know how ridiculous those feelings are, but they are feelings anyway.

OP posts:
lanthanum · 09/02/2020 08:33

I know a couple who skipped a cycle on IVF to avoid a January birthday. The next cycle was successful and the child was premature - in January.
There's pros and cons to every time of year, I'm sure.

northernknickers · 09/02/2020 08:37

I'm saying this gently OP, because you sound quite upset by your birthday and the implications of birthday dates, but have you considered talking this through with a counsellor?

You say that you 'hate' your DoB? That is a very extreme and unusual emotion/reaction to have about a date. A date that really isn't that significant in 'calendar' terms either...not coinciding with any major holidays (which might mean your birthday was overshadowed).

You also say 'birthdays don't bother me'. Clearly they do...you started a thread about it. And that you haven't celebrated yours since 2009. Again, this really does imply that you have deep seated issues surrounding your birthday. Birthdays are meant to be a celebration. That doesn't mean parties, hats and blowers...but to not mark your birthday in even a small way, is very unusual. So actually, they really DO bother you.

Please, speak to someone about this before you even begin to think about bringing a baby into the mix.

Bringringbring · 09/02/2020 08:37

* I hate turning 30, 40, whatever, almost a year before most of my peers.*

What’s that? You only have friends from your school year group?

DieDeutschLehrerin · 09/02/2020 08:38

Nothing is perfect and no two people seem to feel the same. My birthday is in April and it's been lovely. I rarely had a birthday in school as it often hit the holidays but I did spend my 18th in school rehearsing for prize giving and then all evening at the prize giving. These things happen. It's also my Dad's birthday and I know that sharing a birthday is something some people hate but I love it, although it will of course be bittersweet when the days comes when my parents are no longer here. DH is is a September Birthday and we got married on his birthday which was lovely. DS is early Feb which I love as there is something to look forward to after Christmas. The only drawback atm is the dodgy weather as it limits party options for an outdoorsy boy and DD is October, which she doesn't seem bothered by but she's 5.
Don't be put off by being a year older or getting there first. You get in with all the celebrations before everyone else. I had a knocker off a couple of years back and I realised during all the investigations and the ups and downs how greedy I was for more of life and everything I could get out of it. Be greedy for your next year OP. Who cars if you're 40 first. Show them how to do it in style

jomaIone · 09/02/2020 08:39

If you've never celebrated your birthday for years, why does it even matter??

bookworm14 · 09/02/2020 08:40

I really wanted to avoid an August baby, then had two miscarriages and stopped caring. I ended up with an August baby (who is thriving at school, incidentally).

It’s not always possible to plan these things.

Original poster
anotherseasonchange · 09/02/2020 08:40

I have no friends at all, really.

northern, you’re right in a way. It’s me that I hate and of course my birthday is a part of that ... it’s not necessarily something I think of on a day to day basis but you know when Bruce sings that he wants to change his clothes, his hair, his face ... it’s sort of on those lines.

OP posts:
icansmellburningleaves · 09/02/2020 08:40

Can’t understand at all why you have such an issue with this. I too have a September birthday and it’s never been an issue. You are worrying about something you have absolutely no control over.

Original poster
anotherseasonchange · 09/02/2020 08:42

I’m not ‘worrying’ about it! I’m posting about how I feel about it.

OP posts:
Chocolatecake12 · 09/02/2020 08:46

If only the world was perfect and we all got what we wanted.
I’m so grateful I was able to have my children after ivf that the timings of their birthdays was the last thing in my mind.
It’s about how you celebrate and how you think about things that counts.
There are loads of positives to being born in any month. Try focussing on that instead if the negatives.

Bringringbring · 09/02/2020 08:47

* I have no friends at all, really.*

Op this is the problem. This is What you hate. Because if you have no friends, it doesn’t matter when your birthday is, does it? No one to celebrate it with

SockQueen · 09/02/2020 08:50

It's not unreasonable to try for but you just can't plan pregnancy that well!

DH's birthday is October, so he feels like being the oldest has been an advantage to him. Mine is early June and I don't feel like it held me back, (though had school exams/GCSEs/A-levels/uni exams on or around my birthday virtually every year) so was much less bothered about trying to time when we tried for a baby. We are both Oxbridge graduates so have done ok for ourselves!

In the end we tried for DS1 for so long we didn't care any more when his birthday would be. Turned out to be September anyway. DS2 was a bit of a surprise and has a late May birthday so it'll be interesting to see how they compare!

Original poster
anotherseasonchange · 09/02/2020 08:50

I don’t think so. Because I remember disliking it even when I did. I do think it’s me I hate, though.

OP posts:
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