Awkward about CFer requests

[StiffUpperQuip]

Basically, how do you deal with favour requests that you just don't want to do without coming across as a tight ass?

Now I know these are CF requests and I shouldn't need to do them at all, but how can I say no every single without just coming out and saying, no. I don't want to. Especially as there are some extenuating circumstances.

Upstairs neighbour died quickly of cancer 6 months ago leaving wife and teen DD. I of course offered my help in the last stages, driving them to see him at the hospital, looking after their cat for days while they stayed with him and driving the DD to her work on occasion and afterwards I offered help in a "if you need anything let me know" sympathetic way. Unfortunately they've really taken me up on it! The DD(19) and mom keep expecting lifts everywhere! Like to the shops for example because dad was the driver and now they're without personal transport. Not just a simple "if you're going to the shop let me know" type, no. It's knocking on my door asking me to get up off my couch, stick my shoes and coat on, put my cuppa down and meet them at my car to drive them 350 meters to the Costcutter so they can pick up a loaf, milk, cat food and their cigs!".
My couch faces my floor to ceiling window so even with blinds, you can see me sitting there doing nothing but watching telly. And you can see my car in the car park outside my gate so it's obvious I'm in and likely not doing anything. I can't rearrange my furniture and can't keep my curtains pulled.

They'll phone and message me in an "emergency" to drive 25 minutes there and 25 minutes back to the nearest town because they "missed the bus" and need picking up. Or call first thing to say they're stuck and in desperate need of a lift to an appointment in town and there's no bus that will get them there (true in our area if they don't bother to catch the early bus).

One time it happened I conceded but said no way can I come back for pick up from the dentists as I have X to do and won't be in and she needs to get the bus or taxi back. An hour later my phone blows up and the DD knocks on my door saying mom is stuck because her "lift fell through." It didn't. I was always the lift and she never had bus or taxi money.

Now I really, really don't want to fall out with them because other than that they're great neighbours in our block of flats but I need a more solid list of excuses. I refuse to take petrol money because the second I do, it's a service paid and I don't want them thinking I owe them X rides as they've paid.

They do me favours too but it's definitely a 90/10 split with most coming from my end because I'm probably in a better situation than them. (Ie they'd borrow milk but I wouldn't want or need to ever do that). I'm expecting to be living here for at least another 20 years so good neighbour relations are a must, plus the fact they watch my dog when I need to go visit my dying mom (I can't afford a dog sitter as we're limited income and I need to save for the flights to see her as often as possible as she's terminal)

So go on. Roast me for being too darn soft and too Britishly polite to say, "That doesn't work for me". But what would you do? Really? And not in a "hard as nails, take no shit but only online behind a screen kinda way? I need to wean them off expecting me to ferry them around.

I would say the dog stuff adds up in their head and they probably think things are even. It'll be a tricky balance not annoying them by refusing lifts whatever the excuse you give and them thinking well we won't help you out with the dog, especially as you say you need to visit your mum more right now - more than one week a year and a couple of weekends I expect. Hopefully it's happening right now as it's not long after their husband/dad has passed away and will change in time. Very awkward. Do your DH and children need to come every time to see your mum? Could they not stay home and look after dog?

Personally I think I'd avoid single-use excuses as you'll get confused ultimately and re-use old ones - then there's the awkwardness of them realising.

Next time they ask, I'd go with; 'You've probably noticed that I've been feeling really under the weather lately. Not sure what's wrong or if I just need more rest. For now I'm going to cut back on anything non-essential and be kind to myself while I recover so I'm afraid that unless it's a real emergency, I'm not going to be able to provide lifts for now'.

I'd like to see the balls of somebody trying to argue that.

Why do they need to go to do all of this shopping? Haven't they or you heard of online supermarket shopping that gets delivered? Does your local shops have a facility that you can order and get it delivered? Perhaps if they do, you could pop a flyer (take a few from the shop) in to their door, along with some flyers from local driving schools.
You didn't seem to answer the question of whether they still have the car their dad drove. Do they? Why aren't they using it?

As for the pet sitting and key holding, they (and you) need to be more self sufficient. I'm going to get a bit harsh here but if your DDog wasn't around, you wouldn't have any need for them to have a key, right? My advice is get a key safe for your own key and don't let them have it. Give their key back to them and invest in some of that one way contact film that a previous poster put up. Get voiles up so they can't see in to your room and if they knock/text/ring, just say "I can't go to collect X from the bus stop" or "I'm not going to the shops now"

Get loads of flyers from local taxi firms and print off multiple copies of the local bus time tables. Hand them to them.
You're not a taxi service. You're not a pet sitter. You have to start valuing your time and your resources and the fact that you're saying it isn't just you but your DH as well....well, you need to start withdrawing your services....fairly proto really....

OP has said they no longer have the car

Thanks @OldEvilOwl - I must have sped read past that

Crikey, the sense of entitlement is huge here. I can understand asking in an emergency but asking for lifts from a neighbour because you can’t be arsed to walk two streets is unbelievable. They are taking advantage of your good Will ( know what that’s like) but I know it’s so hard to say no without looking mean. Can you start being busy more? Or say your cars playing up and you can’t afford to repair it? Or, ask for petrol money as you’re skint and make it really expensive?

I think you sound lovely and they sound like cheeky fuckers of the highest order.

Text and say "I'm not giving you lifts anywhere, anymore. It is inconvenient and annoying. Best wishes, Neighbour."

And then block their numbers. In a real, genuine, absolute emergency they can ring the appropriate emergency service. Or a fucking taxi.

I find the more excuses/explanations you give the more you’ll be be talked around. Just keep it vague, ‘I’m sorry I’m in the middle of something’ In can’t today I have plans’

You don’t actually owe them explanations and they shouldn’t expect them. Don’t be too apologetic and don’t fall into the habit of rambling, just say you’re unavailable this afternoon or whatever. Answer your phone less or block their number.