Partner and csa payments

[Justaquery88]

Ok so before I get flamed here is the background

My partner has an 11 year old daughter with ex she has remarried she earns 40k and her husband around the same. They holiday three times a year money is not short at all.

We have three kids together and partner has to pay csa £300 a month but we are in a very bad financial state atm. His ex says he only has him one night a fortnight this is not true but without a court order to prove she’s lying csa won’t listen.

We are in debt can’t afford luxuries for our own three no holidays in a few years. If we pretended that we broke up he would have to pay me csa and his payments to her lowered.

Morally yes this is wrong but she is not a nice person to us at all

Legally where do we stand? No we won’t be claiming benefits or anything like that just csa which he will pay me
And I’ll put into the family joint account

And if the ex is so awful, why would she just accept this? She will know they still live together, still a couple and its fraud. If she is horrible, she isnt going to stand for that

Sod all to do with the ex ‘being awful’. Why would any parent stand by and see their child shafted in this way by their other parent?

Moreover, how did the OP think she was going to keep it quiet given that they have regular contact with the child? All mum has to say is ‘is Justaquery still living with dad?’ and game over. Unless the plan was, of course, to cajole or otherwise threaten the child over speaking to her mum about the truth of the situation or, more likely I expect, just give up seeing the child all together?

Sod all to do with the ex ‘being awful’. Why would any parent stand by and see their child shafted in this way by their other parent?
Quite right. But lots if parents just accept shit, for the sake of their child.

If this woman is willing to go to the lengths that she would make her child lie, if they went to court, she definitely isnt going to let this go and go straight in for the kill.

Quite rightly, theres no way the OP will get away with it.

CM should the very first bill to be paid. Regardless of whether DH has been out of work, I've been on mat leave or whatever, CM is always paid even if it comes from savings. You need to adjust your lifestyles to what you can afford not try and make comparisons between your very similar household incomes but where ex has 1 child and you have 3 plus DSD. Then you seem to wonder why the DC have different lifestyles - well that's what happens being raised as an only child with RP or your 3 DC with an additional SD. You seem to have a strong sense of entitlement and victim mentality. Perhaps try and be a bit proactive rather than blaming everyone else. Get better jobs, cut down expenses, work shifts to reduce childcare costs. When you commit to someone with an existing child then you need to account for that 'expense". Me and DH had a cheap wedding, had DD within a year (I'm already in my 30s) so I only had 9 months off as mat leave and went back to my mid level role 3 days. Yes we use GP childcare but it isnt working with PIL so we're using nursery now. It means no savings or hols but it's ok. We're only now thinking of DC2 now DD is 18 months and that will be our last child. That also means me changing career to a SE business despite me having worked hard to build my career. It's just what you have to do

I agree CM is always the first bill. My ex didn’t pay a penny in 2015 and I am still financially not recovered from it

It will be paid on the days when the other bills are paid. You know things like the rent for the house his second children live in full time? Those just as important bills...

Paying CMS when your husband is out of work is incredibly foolish.

Paying CMS when your husband is out of work is incredibly foolish.

Couldn’t agree more. If they were still together and he wasn’t working then they would have to manage on one income and feel the pinch. I don’t see why it has to be different if they aren’t together.

Because you aren’t together and don’t benefit from the goodies @funinthesun19
We are long longer taking the rough with the smooth

No longer

Well you are because if your ex got a massive payrise youd want a slice of that.

So if theyre out of work that affects you too.

Well you are because if your ex got a massive payrise youd want a slice of that. So if theyre out of work that affects you too

Want a slice? No, a fair contribution for the children would be expected. The children don’t stop requiring support just because one of their parents is out of work, illness and disability aside, both parents need to be working together to ensure their children have what they need. Using redundancy payments, making a minimum contribution en reliant on benefits is reasonable. It should never be the case of ‘no income, no maintenance’.

It should never be the case of ‘no income, no maintenance’.

And what if they can’t claim benefits because of the partner’s earned income?

I reread this to be sure.
Ex wife 80k house hold income.
OP has 71k income.
You pay £3600 a year CS.
You have 3 children.
Do they have just 1? Or 3.
In total your husband is paying 10% of his income.
On your income the fact you can't manage tells me your over spending.
Try sorting your bills instead ,

Ofc its no income no maintenance where do you suggest they get money from if theyve no income?

@getyoursrseoffthequattro do bills go away when you’ve got no income ? No they rack up, why should child support be any different ?

You do realise that your partner pays the GRAND sum of £9.89 a day in the support if a human being right?

After tax you have £4500, take away CS you have £4200.
How the heck can you not manage on that?

@getyoursrseoffthequattro do bills go away when you’ve got no income ? No they rack up, why should child support be any different ?

Well if they have redundancy/benefits/sickness/savings solely in the nrp’s name then you’re right they can still pay towards bills.

But if they have none of these then the bills will all fall on to the partner, and one of the bills the partner shouldn’t have to pay is the maintenance. It’s called child support and they’re not a child of the partner. Perhaps they have their own to focus on providing for now that their household is a one income household.

I think it’s beyond cheeky to expect otherwise.

chrissie because its not a normal bill where youre paying for a service?

Just like in a together family when someone loses a job you just have to cope.

The nrp loses way more than a sodding maintenance payment but who gives a shit about that as long as they can pull money out their arse for maintenance eh.

Tbh, this is very very wrong of the OP - but on the other hand the ex is also being fraudulent by telling csa that this man has his child way less than he does, just so she can get more money.

Just like in a together family when someone loses a job you just have to cope.

I don’t know why people aren’t grasping this fact. It doesn’t fit their narrative I guess.

If an NRP is not working and getting benefit, maintanence normally is £5 a wk out of their benefit. The partners money doesnt come into it.

But vodka if partner earns too much they may not get any benefits and therefore have no income

Then he wont have to pay as he is getting no benefits. When my ex was out of work he paid nothing as he wasnt getting benefits.

Yes, i know that but others dont seem to think that should be case.