Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner and csa payments

543 replies

Justaquery88 · 07/02/2020 16:21

Ok so before I get flamed here is the background

My partner has an 11 year old daughter with ex she has remarried she earns 40k and her husband around the same. They holiday three times a year money is not short at all.

We have three kids together and partner has to pay csa £300 a month but we are in a very bad financial state atm. His ex says he only has him one night a fortnight this is not true but without a court order to prove she’s lying csa won’t listen.

We are in debt can’t afford luxuries for our own three no holidays in a few years. If we pretended that we broke up he would have to pay me csa and his payments to her lowered.

Morally yes this is wrong but she is not a nice person to us at all

Legally where do we stand? No we won’t be claiming benefits or anything like that just csa which he will pay me
And I’ll put into the family joint account

OP posts:
getyourarseoffthequattro · 08/02/2020 17:36

So he pays what cms say? So not your extra rent?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2020 17:38

sotired it's irrelevant when it comes to maintenance calculations. I mentioned my ex having a partner for the posters who thought that my ex might be struggling to pay bills as well as maintenance, just to make it clear that he isn't.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2020 17:40

getyour he pays about £100pm over CMS guidelines. We calculated it online based on how many nights DS stays at his. As CMS is the minimum amount suggested he offered to pay a bit more.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 08/02/2020 17:52

So his partner subsidises him? Like most partners of men who pay maintenance? No surprise there!

I dont know why people get this idea that cms is the "minimum" its what they suggest. What they work out is the reccomended contribution. Not the "minimum"..

Sotiredofthislife · 08/02/2020 17:59

What they work out is the reccomended contribution

It is a legally enforceable minimum payment. No recommendations.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2020 18:01

Where did I say his partner subsidises him? He has been paying it since before he even met his partner. He pays maintenance out of his wages, his partner doesn't give him money towards maintenance. He and his partner live together and share bills, like couples tend to do. Not sure what's so hard to understand about that.

Sotiredofthislife · 08/02/2020 18:01

it's irrelevant when it comes to maintenance calculations

I am fully aware. Have been grappling with the system for 11 years now.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 08/02/2020 18:03

Its a legally enforceable payment but its not a "minimum"

They dont say this is the minimum so feel free to pay more do they?

They work out what they think an nrp should pay based on whatever algorithms they use. There must be some method behind it.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 08/02/2020 18:05

I understand perfectly wax some of his income goes to you. She keeps her whole income so shes bound to be subsidising him in some way directly or indirectly. Not your issue but using it as a reason why he can pay for your extra bedroom proves you think her income is relevant.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2020 18:09

Right, so anyone who lives with a partner and shares the bills is subsidising them? Hmm I don't know the ins and outs of their finances and who pays what bills, it's none of my business. All I know is what my ex pays me.

As I said, he has been paying the same amount since before he met his partner. I'm not using it as a reason that he can pay me extra as he was paying me extra before anyway. I brought it up as you seemed to be under the impression that my ex is a poor struggling NRP being fleeced when it's certainly not the case.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 08/02/2020 18:13

Well its fairly obvious if one partner has their full wage and the other gives a % of theirs to someone else that directly or indirectly theyre likely to be subsidised by the other one.

Why are you so defensive about that?

I never assumed he was poor or struggling i just said i couldnt imagine being so entitled. Which i stand by.

stuffedpeppers · 08/02/2020 18:14

Some activities can cost quite a bit. EX insisted on swimming lessons ( I agreed swimming was a good one)
DC1 happens to be quite good £90pcm min swimming club fees, kit, transport, open fees etc etc. It adds up very quickly and now I realise that is over £1000 per annum!!
Yes I can afford to cover the shortfall of EXs half but that is not the point!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2020 18:17

He brings home £3k a month after tax. I highly doubt his partner needs to subsidise him on his wage.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 08/02/2020 18:19

Thought you didnt know the ins and outs? You have no idea!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2020 18:22

Well I obviously know what he earns for CMS purposes, as I said.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 08/02/2020 18:38

I know, but futher than that youve no idea have you?

Having been in her situation i can imagine whats happening there

BritWifeinUSA · 08/02/2020 18:47

Get a better job and improve your financial situation through your own hard work rather than scamming the system. Why should the taxpayer have to get involved? Who do you think pays the CSA employees to deal with the claims, etc and all the admin involved. Take some responsibility for your own situation like a reasonable adult.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 08/02/2020 18:56

Why should the taxpayer have to get involved? Who do you think pays the CSA employees to deal with the claims, etc and all the admin involved

Do you criticise recieving parents for using cms or just paying ones, out of interest?

funinthesun19 · 08/02/2020 19:15

“it's irrelevant when it comes to maintenance calculations”

I am fully aware

She says through gritted teeth....

SilverySurfer · 08/02/2020 19:21

Do you have money tucked away? You're going to need it if you ever break up because he will do the same thing to you.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 08/02/2020 19:23

silvery do what? Pay her maintenance?

frazzledasarock · 08/02/2020 19:30

Reminds me of the thread where the NRP announced he didn’t think the kids cost as much as CMS & therefore he felt the dc should live with him full time as he’d budget better and the mum could pay CMS.

The mum agreed!

Actually felt heart achingly sorry for the OP who was the only one who could see it would cost a hell of a lot more than the monthly CMS payments plus she’d most likely end up doing all the grunt work of daily childcare, plus they’d need more room and a bigger house which they could not afford.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/02/2020 19:35

getyour you're projecting your own situation.

If my ex isn't manage on £3k a month to the point where his partner is subsidising him (which I highly doubt) when I manage on half of that then he's not managing his money properly. Not my problem.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 08/02/2020 19:39

You dont know my situation so how do you know im projecting? Its irrelevant what he earns because you live to your means dont you? Nothing to do with money management either.

Very defensive about your exs finances arent you. Perhaps a bit jealous?

BigChocFrenzy · 08/02/2020 19:48

" For the previous poster on a joint income of 25k I’m very sorry you or your partner didn’t get educated to get better jobs that’s your fault not mine"

I'm very sorry that you organise your money so badly that you can't afford "extras" for your DC on a combined income of over 70k.

On 70k, the extra £80 that her lies cost you per month should be trivial