AIBU to not send children to private school even though we can afford it?

[Wipingsides]

I'm sure it's been asked a million times before, but need some reassurance! We have decided to educate our children through the state system. It was never a difficult decision as up until recently we just couldn't afford otherwise - we chose instead to live in the 'nicest' area possible and as a result the state schools are good-outstanding, and the families/ catchment generally nice and safe. However, lately as our financial circumstance have improved and as we go through the transition to secondary school with both children I'm feeling we aren't 'doing the best' by the children by choosing to stick with the state system. Neither my DH or I were privately educated and our values are firmly in the 'work hard & you'll do well' camp... plus I just don't think you can necessarily buy your way out of all the adolescent issues children will face in this next stage of their education. But why then do I feel guilty?!

I live in an area with three private schools close by. But one of the local state schools is outperforming them on GCSE results

I have 2 Dc with dyslexia
I think people need to look at their children first and GCSE results second.

Mine could have gone to the school which gets every pupil to pass 8 GCSEs each and my 2 would be their first failures
Most likely the school don’t take on pupils who are going to pull their marks down so wouldn’t get in.

Alsohuman
Surely someone at some stage noticed that he was struggling and maybe university wasn’t for him.

Just because you spend thousands on someone’s education doesn’t mean they are going to walk out an academic.

I don’t believe he went from a straight A student to failing his degree and it came as a huge shock.

Obviously he is your step son and there were other people’s opinions to be considered before your own but I don’t understand why you paid out so much money on a school that you didn’t think did him any good.

Didn’t you point things out to his father. Did no one question the attitude of making him feel like Gods Gift wasn’t going to do much good for him in the long run

My mother felt she wasted her money sending me to private school because I came out with no O levels.

I didn’t ask to go to a private school. I didn’t want to go to the school. I would have been far happier and probably done so much better going to the local secondary modern with my friends.

That is why I recommend people choose the school based on what would suit the child and not because it is the closest or it turns out people who have 13 GCSEs or it sends all the pupils to RG universities or has a nice uniform.

I was privately educated and think I would have done better in a state school. Possibly send them to private for their A levels IF they want to go! If not, don't worry about it especially if the state schools are good

My kids attended the local comprehensive with results that just stands around national average. It is a school that in my views represents society perfectly. Some great teaching, some not so good. Kids that come from both the top society, children of sollicitors, doctors, successful business leaders as well as children from poorer families and a local relatively large council houses.

From hearing about other schools, it would appear that the school had the least bullying and an excellent sense of community. It is a fact that as a whole, kids from richer family do tend to do academically better, but friendships are build from all areas of life and have remained even after finishing 6th form.

I could have afforded for my kids to go private and I'm delighted that I haven't as I feel the school has prepared them better than any private school would have to real life. They learned resilience, indepdence, respect for differences, and that living within a community was much more rewarding than within a competitive environment. They have both done very well at their exams. I have no regrets at all.

Yanbu at all in my opinion.
You are lucky to be in your position though. Round here the secondary school options are grim if we aren't prepared to move. All ok at primary school at the moment but in a few years we will have to fork out thousands either to move to a nicer area with better schools or pay for private school which we can possibly just about afford but will have a severe impact on our financial situation

I don’t believe he went from a straight A student to failing his degree and it came as a huge shock

You can believe what you like. He got A,A,B at A level. The school was making noises about Oxbridge, which thankfully he didn’t fancy. It was a massive shock when he failed so spectacularly at university. The school didn’t teach him personal responsibility or self discipline.

wallywobbles Have you visited any of the private schools? Never underestimate the power of a good network. Out of the 12 in my year/house : 1 lawyer, 2 published authors, 1 uni lecturer, 2 in finance, 2 co directors, 1 multimillionaire who manages the family money and 3 I'm not sure about.

Good on you. I'm sure Marlborough can boast a future Queen. I'm not sure why you think buying networking for your kids is a good thing?

Sorry Alsohuman I really don’t think it should have been a surprise.

Never having been to university and not having anyone I know been through uni I am presuming there would have been tests and essays throughout the 3 years to indicate how he was doing.

I do think though that self discipline and personal responsibility are things you learn at home not in school.

Alsohuman, the boy got a degree, albeit a third. Plenty of very clever people get thirds, it's not a disgrace. Some drop out of uni. Your boy did reasonably. What is important is what he does after uni. I think you are being bitter about something that in a few years, will not matter.

If parents fork out a lot of money for their children's education they should not be resentful if the child doesn't quite measure up to what they had hoped, it's not fair at all. I've never known a child ask parents to pay school fees. Those who do, do it because they think it's for the best, maybe the local state schools are not so good, but they should not expect to be rewarded for it.

In your case it seems son has done quite well, AAB is excellent.

ou want to use the state system but only the best states schools so instead of going private you instead buy in an expensive area to access the good schools. Therefore the DC going to these state schools will come from the local area meaning they are at school with fellow wealthy parents

This is of course true to an extent. But there are still people in the area working in less well paid jobs and their kids go to the local schools too, so there is a wider social mix. And although an area might have £1 million houses, it may well have £250K terraces too - very different income levels.

What’s morally wrong about wanting your child to go to a good state school and taking action if you can?🙄 Who sits there plotting for their kid to go to the shittest school possible. Very odd post!

Never having been to university and not having anyone I know been through uni I am presuming there would have been tests and essays throughout the 3 years to indicate how he was doing

You do know that parents don’t get reports on higher education students? What kid’s going to go home and tell their parents they’re fucking up after they’ve spent the price of three decent cars on their education? He might not have been surprised when he failed his finals, we were. And disappointed. Anyway, it’s done now.