AIBU to not send children to private school even though we can afford it?

[Wipingsides]

I'm sure it's been asked a million times before, but need some reassurance! We have decided to educate our children through the state system. It was never a difficult decision as up until recently we just couldn't afford otherwise - we chose instead to live in the 'nicest' area possible and as a result the state schools are good-outstanding, and the families/ catchment generally nice and safe. However, lately as our financial circumstance have improved and as we go through the transition to secondary school with both children I'm feeling we aren't 'doing the best' by the children by choosing to stick with the state system. Neither my DH or I were privately educated and our values are firmly in the 'work hard & you'll do well' camp... plus I just don't think you can necessarily buy your way out of all the adolescent issues children will face in this next stage of their education. But why then do I feel guilty?!

Yeah right!

@ItWillBeBetterinAugust median income generally is not a good figure to use there. You’d specifically be looking at the households with children who are more likely to be in the stage of life when their earnings are higher. The full fee is also a bad figure to use as most elite schools offer bursaries, in many schools the majority of pupils receive some kind of bursary. The category of people earning enough to send one of two children through school isn’t going to be so extremely low or exceptional (especially when you consider the numbers of people who manage to get mortgages on extremely expensive houses in good catchment areas). I agree with you that they aren’t necessarily the average but they aren’t outliers either.

@MsTSwift

I went to a private primary school and had a wonderful time

It’s all opinions. One isn’t better than the other.

My kids have a very wide friendship group from 3 schools. Plus the visiting schools. Plus our houses abroad. Having 7 in their class is only a benefit to them.

7 in a class is awful! Such a small friendship pool and any inevitable squabbles will be magnified.

My child with SEND is in private because he needs the quieter, calmer, smaller classes and his confidence and independence are finally thriving a year after moving out of his state school. My other child is in state because they are thriving there in every respect. Don't feel pressured. Just do what feels right for each of your children

Sorry still not persuaded on the small class front. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with fewer than 8 other dc of same sex as my child. Poor kids stuck with few friends or ones that aren’t like minded for years. No way.

“I’d probably be less favourably inclined to someone from “Marlborough” if interviewing them, as I’d be thinking it likely that their achievements are partly down to privilege rather than diligence and ability.... and I say that as some who was privately educated.”

Which is exactly why you shouldn’t have your school on your cv to avoid unconscious bias

DS2 (10) has I think 13 in his class. There are two year 5 classes and all the children mix together a lot, and are taught in groups from both classes, so he has the benefit of small classes but also plenty of options for friends. Although he’s basically friends with everyone!

Hi Wiping
We are the opposite of you!
We don't live in a beautiful house in a wealthy suburb and our holidays are whatever we can afford.
We have chosen to privately educate our kids though and I think it's one of the best things we have done. They are both fairly quiet and studious and would have been eaten alive at the local secondary where it is definitely not cool to work hard.
Your situation is different, but you're obviously doing what you think is best for your family.

Good luck

I think private education can be beneficial to the working classes in terms of making connections. Other than that, private school wouldn't be a great choice if you're already well connected. Your kids will do fine in life (even if they're not the academic type).

I had a cringeworthy interview at top city law firm

“Oh you were at school in Bristol! I was at Clifton College”(top private school in Bristol)
“I was at
“Oh not heard of that one”

Parsley at dds girls only state it’s fiercely competitive if anything they work too hard. Some have gone private for that reason

Both my university and my profession look very favourably on state school educated candidates - I think a good state school can be a positive advantage, and it's definitely opened up doors for me as a northern state school girl.

I find it odd that a university would even know what school you went to!! Here in Ireland you are given a number and they have NO IDEA who you are or where you come from!!

I live in a v affluent area where houses are regularly a million plus.

Quite a few friends who are privately educated decide - we are going to the local state school (insert smug gave). By year 2 or 3 they always seem to realise the giant classes and lack of individual attention, as well as the discipline issues and cuts to funding for any extra opportunities aren't making the grade and quietly pull them out for prep.

@Alsohuman I'm with you - a third after retakes, where there are no extenuating circumstances, is pretty dire. How lovely that his sister triumphed though - good for her.

@MsTSwift do you think that's because it's single sex or just the ethos of the school?

We made the same decision - we moved to an area with state school with excellent reputations, they get great results. However some of the teaching is pretty crap and where this happens the parents often respond by just getting a tutor. The school is obsessed with appearances - looking like a private school...I wish they were obsessed with teaching standards.
However, I think that you will experience crap people who hold a position of responsibility at some time in your life and you best learn how to navigate around them - so I encourage my kids to figure out how to deal with their teacher's weakness because no one will accept it as an excuse for poor performance.

There are some crap teachers in private schools too. I do find it best not to undermine them though whilst at the same time instilling healthy critical thinking in my kids. Not always easy.

@hipslikecinderella I'm afraid there is no hiding from a crap teacher - we all knew who could teach when we were at school - and my kids know the same. I encourage them to behave well at all times and try and take as much from the lesson as possible because otherwise it's a total waste of their time and work through the spec for their exams - but convincing them that someone can teach well who can't is a non-starter.

Only read page 1 but I see as usual the focus seems to be on the academic side of things.

I've always thought being happy as a child is really important in development and we should try and get them in places that are the best fit.

I've been to all three, state, grammar and private.

The state was the worse, the classes were too big for me, I was lost and found it hard to makes friends, learn. Inspite of living in a very wealthy area I didn't fit in at primary.

The private school actually opened me up to far more variety than leafy wealthy catchment primary did. We had pupils there with sen, some paid for by grandparents ie their own parents lived in very modest houses career's....
Pupils arriving from all over the world, leaving, pupils from all sorts of cultures and backgrounds. Academically it wasn't great but I had a blast there. It was by far the better fit. Smaller classes, I found best friends in the first week I'm still in touch with today.
I had an extremely difficult family dynamic which caused me great suffering at home. If I hadn't been in that school I don't know what I would have done.

Finally the grammar was another eye opener. The quality of learning, the pace, the amazing pastoral support was out standing. I was defiantly carried along by the bright pupils even when I was not engaged some of the time and my grades were boosted by this.

The attitude to learning and respect for teachers was new to me. Again a whole range of pupils there, from all over the county and many different types of backgrounds. Sometimes I feel the local comp can be too narrow.
Dd is in the local comp and people have endlessly told me how wonderful it will be to have friends who live in close by.
But looking at my on childhood it was brilliant travelling out of where I lived to visit friends all over!
Dd comp ironically looks like a private school. So far I'm very happy with it and I think that's because it's run with a goal in mind. It's very strict. What will happen in a few years I don't know. Dd seems happy and settled there.

It isn't choosing private = bad, choosing state = good, nor the other way around.

The op lives in an area where her children will go to good or outstanding schools and she hasn't mentioned any special needs nor personal reasons why any of her children would need an unusually small school or small class size.

In that case the advantages of going private in her specific circumstances sound minimal to none, and there are disadvantages too (for me personally the disadvantage was that my school friends all lived too far away from where I lived for me to get to them independently until I was allowed to do bus plus train plus bus plus walk type journeys by public transport, which anyway we're only really feasible in school holidays) and I was reliant on parents driving me to see friends occasionally. In my case this led to me begging to board, which I eventually did - still more expense, my parents had signed up for day fees and a 40 minute drive every day, and I had several siblings also needing driving, so they didn't even save the drive!

It depends where you live, but the OP is not considering moving to a good catchment area, she already lives in it.

Harriet - both. Gets better results than the private girls school gets best results in the county actually. Not for everyone though

What a ridiculous question.