A few months ago we had a bit of a scary situation, I dont know how to explain it all properly, but I'll do my best.
My concern is that I am worried DH is unable to protect himself or DD.
I'll also preface with, I have extreme generalised anxiety and OCD. I'm pretty much agorophobic.i dont tend to go to town, I do maybe 3 or 4 times a year at most. I'm saying this because it may have some bearing on how I'm feeling (I'll also point out I am on medication and I am seeing a counsellor. I'm trying to work through my issues)
So we went to town one day, I had to go because there was something I'd ordered that DH needed. We were having a fairly good time.
It was later in the day, we had been to get the item we needed, we had popped into boots, had a coffee and a chat, then started to head towards the car.
I saw a security guard hanging around, and a stall owner looking at a young couple, quite concerned.
I sort of noticed and thought it strange but shook it out of my head as nothing strange, maybe me always looking for something to be wrong.
As we were paying for our parking, a man comes up to us, hes asking how to pay for parking (our town gives a few hours free parking on Saturdays and sundays, so we didnt have to pay but you still have to put the coin in)
But hes got a wallet out. I say you've just got to put the coin in the machine, even if you dont have to pay.
We turn and take a few steps, he follows. He says hes done it. He hasn't because he moved with us. And he starts talking about security being up his arse all day.
I move again, and he gets between me and 11 year old daughter. He puts his hand in his pocket and drags out a handful of nuts. He offers DD them. I dont know why, but I was very stern without even thinking I said NO. DD put her hands in her pocket. Shes at an age where shes going to shrug me off if i try to grab her, but i pulled her closer to me as i again stepped away.
We were waiting for a lift, and as we step forward to the lift he positioned himself to go with us, and I'm thinking I dont want to get in a lift with this man, there was a bad feeling that came over me, and I thought its probably quite innocent. I'm probably overreacting, but I cant go upto the carpark with this man. We park on the highest floor of the carpark because its quiet. No way am I risking ending up there with this man.
So just before we step In, DH is in the lift by the way, hes oblivious to what's going on.
I say, shit, I need to go to poundland.
The man turns on his heel and says me too, steps out of the lift, and as I make my way past, I realise security is hanging around, I get close enough that she will hear me, and I say to him
"Can you stop following us, we dont know you. You're making me uncomfortable"
He replies, no, I'm coming too.
I say, still quite loudly, you're a stranger, leave us alone.
Security guard lunges toward him, and they disappear into a lift.
I say to DH that was weird, DD says, my legs felt like concrete when we were going to get in the lift. He was weird. DH says, yeah maybe, so what did we need from poundland.
I say, I didn't, I just needed to be away from him. I could've accepted that maybe he was a bit awkward in social situations or that I was being over cautious until he got out of the lift to follow us, and when I told him he was making me uncomfortable his response wasnt, I'm sorry and leaving us alone. He was so close to us. I've never had this feeling before.
So we get in the lift and I'm trying to not make it into a big thing. I'm sort of thinking, I'm a bit weird myself, maybe he was a bit weird on the other end of the scale. Maybe he thinks that's how you make friends, I'm not going to panic about it.
We get to our car, and there are two women who've got a flat tyre. Hit a kerb on the way up the carpark. So I say to my husband, we should try and help. (Full disclosure, DDog was in the car, as he often is, he can take being left in the car, but not at home, so the boots fully decked out as his "safe space"
As were trying to prize off the tyre- its stuck for some reason, DH and now another man are trying to use brute force to get the wheel off. Loads of noise, dog hasn't made a peep. All of a sudden the dog is going ballistic. I explain the dogs safe place is the car, hes got a bed and toys and everything In the back. He somehow knows were going back to the car.
Before I finish explaining, the man is right beside us. One of tbe women turns to me and mouths she thinks that hes drunk. As the other man speaks to him, I grab DDs hand and go to security downstairs. Just seems beyond weird, hes now talking to two women who are stuck. Security then tells me hes been following women to their cars all day, and trying to force young women to eat his food and get them to leave the town with him.
We go back up with security, and hes trying to break into cars,
He then comes upto me and says security is deciding whether I'm taking him to my home tonight, I told him to leave us alone and he wanted an explanation why I didnt want him around us, then he tried to grab my daughter by the arm, telling her that her mother is crazy, and if she have him a minute to explain they could be friends.
She is 11. This man was 25 or so.
The police were called, not by us but security. I don't even know when, but DH witnessed all of this, and didnt say even one word.
Later at home, he said that he thought the man might've been after the phone we picked up In town. No real concern for DDs safety, didnt pick up on half of what happened.
Its left me feeling like he would completely miss if something like that ever happened again. It freaked me out because it seemed to me like he was only talking to me because I was almost the only thing in the way of him getting to my daughter and DH literally had no concern at all.
How can I trust him to protect her?
I know some people will only pick up on the danger that they are in, and this man made both me and DDs stomachs feel like they were falling out. I feel anxious a lot, but this was on a complete different level, and the barks that my dog let out, I've never in my life heard anything like it. It was a pitch I've never heard from a dog in my life.
What can I do? Am I being U to be worried he wont protect her when hes out because hes just going not realise when theres danger?