Woman in men’s changing room

[Hoppinggreen]

Firstly this is NOT a trans issue, if it was I would have posted in Feminism
DS is 11 . He has a weekly swimming lesson at a school owned pool but the lesson is privately run. All the other children are of a similar age.
Every week one of the Mums goes into the men’s/boys changing rooms after the lesson to help her son get showered and changed. The boy is 10 and as far as I know (although obviously there’s no reason I would know if it wasn’t the case) there are no SN.
DS has mentioned that he is a bit uncomfortable with it, he is starting to show signs of puberty and he won’t use the showers as this woman is standing there - according to DS she helps her son wash his hair and holds his towel for when he gets out. There are no cubicles that DS can use and while he says the woman seems nice and isn’t really doing anything inappropriate he would rather she wants there.
What is the view on this? Initially I didn’t think much of it but since DS has said he’s not comfortable with it should I mention it to the teacher?
Part of me thinks DS is making an unnecessary fuss but I’m sure I wouldn’t think that if a man had been in the ladies changing room when DD had been that age. Plus DS is usually pretty chilled about things like that, he’s happy to walk round naked upstairs at home so if he’s mentioning it it’s obviously bothering him
I’m genuinely interested in other opinions

I'd say something. My 10 year old boy would hate that too.

So, If a Dad was in there helping his son would we be having this discussion? Just playing devil's advocate here?

How would there be any sort of a problem with a man being in the men's changing rooms?

So, If a Dad was in there helping his son would we be having this discussion

Eh? Fail of logic there. Dad's are male. Boys are male. Hence the male changing room.

Oh, come on, someone has to say it....What if it was a man helping his daughter in the female changing rooms?

Loads of people have already said it, alltalking

Cheeseandwin5 what on earth was the point of that selective cut and paste? Both of the posts you snipped, including mine, made it clear that this woman is in the wrong and the OP should report her.

Here's the rest of my sentence you copied, for the avoidance of doubt:

Your son and the other boys is this class are entitled to privacy and dignity, and this woman is invading that

We don't really need to be having any discussion anyway. This would (rightly) be against the rules in every pool/gym/leisure centre I've ever been to, so all OP needs to do is report it and let the staff deal with it.

There isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ answer to this dilemma.

When they’re running swimming lessons in our local small community pool, you’ll find both sexes of parents in the men’s changing rooms supervising both the boys and a few little girls getting changed. Quite a few dads with 2-4 children of both sexes so I can see why they’d be in the men’s changing rooms. However, there’s also a few mums there too, again usually because they are supervising several children of varying sexes and ages.
In each changing room, there’s one open changing area, 2 showers and 2 toilets. No private cubicles because it’s far too small.

However, I’ve never seen any men in the Ladies changing rooms only mums and mostly girls but with the occasional little boy.

I’ve only recently stopped going in, but only because I think DS can manage by himself and the changing room is just too full of bodies.

If your DS feels uncomfortable, he can presumably change in a toilet?

@Pinkypie86 it seems from your comments that you enter the male changing rooms to help your son, can we find out your reasoning for this?

So, If a Dad was in there helping his son would we be having this discussion? Just playing devil's advocate here?

Sorry, but that instantly made me think of the old Simpsons episode where people were being nasty to Homer about his smooth head, calling him 'Baldy' and him angrily responding "You wouldn't be calling me that if I had hair!"

I would stand up for my son.

You'll have many years to look back and be proud that you showed him your support. Personally, I let one or two things like this slide when my son was small, and now wish I could go back in time and just show him I had his back.

It would be good if you can get this lady banned, but even if you're not successful, just speaking out (and making sure your son knows you've done so) will count for a lot.

But FuckYou it's OK for little girls to be in the men's with their fathers.
The women shouldn't be in the men's: they should take their under 8s into the female changing and older boys go to the male changing.

What is the view on this?" That the mum should either shower him in the disabled facility if it is really needed or he should do with his towel what everyone else does. The hair is a red herring, he could do that at home.

My son is 9 and would be very uncomfortable with this.

There isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ answer to this dilemma.

When they’re running swimming lessons in our local small community pool, you’ll find both sexes of parents in the men’s changing rooms supervising both the boys and a few little girls getting changed. Quite a few dads with 2-4 children of both sexes so I can see why they’d be in the men’s changing rooms.

Why is it a dilemma, though, just because a lot of mums play the multilaterally belittling 'oh, I'm only a woman, don't mind me' card and think the rules don't apply to them?

Changing rooms are segregated by sex for dignity and privacy reasons, particularly for the benefit of adolescent and adult people. The sex of the adult always takes precedence over that of the young children whom they're helping, as young children are neither considered a threat to the dignity of adults nor are they likely to get embarrassed themselves.

To be honest I would not be happy with any parent of either sex being in the showers with kids who are old enough to shower themselves.

Most pools now have showers where you can shower together and keep your cosssie on, don't they?

There isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ answer to this dilemma

There actually is a one size fits all answer, and it's very simple. It's the rule almost every pool implements. If your kid is under a certain age (usually around 8) they go in the changing room that corresponds to the sex of the parent supervising them.

When they’re running swimming lessons in our local small community pool, you’ll find both sexes of parents in the men’s changing rooms supervising both the boys and a few little girls getting changed.

This is wrong and should be reported to the staff. Women should take boys under 8 into the womens. Women should not be in the mens changing rooms.

Our pool policy is anyone aged 8 and over can't be in the opposite sex changing room. When I take my daughter, I help with washing her hair etc, when my husband does she does it herself (usually doesn't wash it all our properly though!!). Until she was 8, he'd take her to the men's. Some of the younger boys who come into the women's with their mums make my daughter feel really uncomfortable (staring etc). Totally inappropriate for a grown woman to be in the men's changing rooms.

Why should my son be getting changed in a toilet when there is a perfectly good changing room with hooks, benches etc ?
He likes to chat with the other boys and get himself dressed, brush his hair etc, I don’t think he should have to go into a a toilet cubicle if he’s doesn’t want to
As I said DH is going to go next week to suss it out a bit more and then we will decide what to do but I think I will have to query the policy
Unfortunately there is only 1 staff member who is from an outside agency (contacted by the school to open and lock up) and then the teacher. The school is a local Secondary and not my sons school
It will be very obvious who has complained if I do as there are 4/5 boys in the class and we are the most recent. I get the impression that the mums son has come up through the classes and has been there a while so she is pretty friendly with the teacher whereas we’ve only been there since October. This has only been an issue for the last few weeks as classes have been rejigged and DS wasn’t in a class with this boy previously
Oh well, I’m not there to make friends and DSs welfare is far more important. As I said he’s not usually bothered by most things so if he’s mentioning it he must feel pretty strongly about it

It still wouldn't be OK if she went into a mens' changing room where the others were all adult men

There would be no physical risk to men, but they have the right to privacy and dignity

It will be very obvious who has complained if I do as there are 4/5 boys in the class and we are the most recent.

Yeah sorry OP but I think you just need to be more assertive here. (I know you came to that realisation yourself later in the post). It doesn't matter if she knows. If this was me, I would not even be making a thread about this on mumsnet. I would simply tell the staff member that a woman is in the men's changing rooms. If the staff member told me that was acceptable, I would cancel my membership and go elsewhere.

Your son has a right to a single sex space for his privacy and dignity. He’s not being unreasonable at all.

If the other boy really cannot manage alone, the mother will have to make alternative arrangements (if there are SEN they can surely use the disabled facility? They aren’t just for physical disabilities, and are big enough for an attendant/carer).

She shouldn't be there an alternative space should be found for them.