Woman in men’s changing room

[Hoppinggreen]

Firstly this is NOT a trans issue, if it was I would have posted in Feminism
DS is 11 . He has a weekly swimming lesson at a school owned pool but the lesson is privately run. All the other children are of a similar age.
Every week one of the Mums goes into the men’s/boys changing rooms after the lesson to help her son get showered and changed. The boy is 10 and as far as I know (although obviously there’s no reason I would know if it wasn’t the case) there are no SN.
DS has mentioned that he is a bit uncomfortable with it, he is starting to show signs of puberty and he won’t use the showers as this woman is standing there - according to DS she helps her son wash his hair and holds his towel for when he gets out. There are no cubicles that DS can use and while he says the woman seems nice and isn’t really doing anything inappropriate he would rather she wants there.
What is the view on this? Initially I didn’t think much of it but since DS has said he’s not comfortable with it should I mention it to the teacher?
Part of me thinks DS is making an unnecessary fuss but I’m sure I wouldn’t think that if a man had been in the ladies changing room when DD had been that age. Plus DS is usually pretty chilled about things like that, he’s happy to walk round naked upstairs at home so if he’s mentioning it it’s obviously bothering him
I’m genuinely interested in other opinions

I think she is definitely BU.

Ds1 does swim lessons with a big club. Several classes run at once, aged 5-15. So there are always lots of mums / dads / female childminders helping the little ones get changed in the same changing room where adolescent boys and girls aged 10-15 are changing! It’s total chaos tbh, and there is no control of the adults in the changing areas. There are also dads helping in their children in the female changing rooms. We’re not in the UK though, I can’t imagine it happens there.

I tend to hang around in the corridor to make sure DS9 is okay. But I try to be mindful of the older boys not wanting an adult woman seeing them get changed. There are a couple of cubicles that they all try to use.

Ginkypig you are right, my initial reaction was that DS was being silly but then I gave myself a mental slap and thought that the Sex of the dc/adult involved is irrelevant

Cheese chill out, I’m a “Nasty GC Feminist” myself, I already spend quite a bit of time on the Feminism boards discussing issues such as people using the changing room/toilets they feel most comfortable with but this is a completely different issue in my opinion

Tell management and if nothing happens call the police on the pervert

yanbu. Men and women need to use the right changing rooms.

Have you ever thought it may NOT be the mother who wants to be in there?
My son is 10, yes he does have SN, although not noticable. He wouldn't want to be in a changing room full of boys without me there.
He likes the reassurance of having me upstairs when he's in the shower, he asks me which shower gel he can use (even though he's been showering since a toddler) etc.
He wouldn't be comfortable in that situation, and I wouldn't want him to feel that way - I would however, if there was the provision, go to a family change or closed cubicle with him to respect the privacy of the other boys.
I don't think she sounds 'creepy'.

I feel sorry for her son! Imagine your mum pretty much still physically washing you at 10! YANBU - she shouldn't be in there.

Apologies to cheese my second comment was to Doobigeta

If they used the disabled changing room without there being a 'visible disability' all hell would break loose too.

Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't!

If special arrangements are needed for this boy, they should be made. But not at the expense of the other boys' dignity.

Pervert? What an absolute shit show! You are a parent - if your son (god forbid) had an accident and was wheelchair bound or bed bound his entire life, it would fall to you to keep him clean.
Are you being a pervert then?
Why don't you just ASK her to go into another area with him? Try having a conversation - she may not want to be in there either.

YANBU
Please stand up for your son’s dignity and privacy

And I don’t think this woman is creepy or a pervert, I just think she’s a bit smothering.
I don’t think my son is in any danger from her, but I think he has a right to not change in front of a person if the opposite sex if he doesn’t want to.
DS looked old for his age, he’s very tall and from around 6 we often got challenged by staff when I took him into the Ladies changing rooms.
If he can’t go into The Ladies then a Lady shouldn’t be in his changing room

Id say someone who puts themselves in a position to see naked 10 year olds is a pervert

Also, I don’t know the lay out of these changing rooms so I dint know if there is an area that gives DS more privacy. DH is going to take him swimming next week and go in to see what it’s like and exactly what’s going on

Say something - if he can’t wash his own hair she could do that later at home

Completely agree - everyone should have a right to privacy, but people saying 'report, pervert, creepy' WTF.

We use a pool with a similar set up.
My DS with SN was about 8.5 when he started insisting he used the Male Changing room because that's the rules.
I've not felt the need to go beyond the door shouting in 'are you ok in there'. That said i don't expect him to wash his hair though, hair gets washed when he is going to bed.

Get the company to have a word!

Hopefully there is somewhere your son or she and her son can go, that make it more comfortable for everyone. She isn't looking though is she?
She is helping HER son, not everyone else's. If that were the case then, YES she is all those things you've called her.
:/

I wonder what people think of me, when I help my son.

Sorry OP. This just got to me ( feeling crappy today and, this just made me upset )
Apologies for jumping on!!

pinkypie what have I called her?

Its not right- she shouldnt be in there. We would object to a grown man hanging around the women/girls shower and this has to be the same rule- its inappropriate and she needs reporting.

If the child needs help getting changed he should go in the women's changing room or the disabled changing room once he's too old to do this (I think 10 is getting too old). Imagine if a fully grown man came in the ladies to help his daughter get changed!

but people saying 'report

They are saying that because its up to the staff in the establishment to tell her not to be in there. If the staff dont know she's in there, they wont do anything about it which is why OP needs to tell them. Noone is saying she should be locked up, but she shouldnt be in the male changing room where other men/boys' right to privacy are not being respected. She can go in a family changing cubicle if her son needs extra help cant she?

@Hoppinggreen

Not you, other posters!!

Ask the swim school if they have a policy, and if so whether they can make it clear.
Ours had a clear policy that adults should only be in the changing rooms for their gender; if dad brought a daughter they would have to go in the male changing rooms if they needed help. There was one individual cubicle in each set of changing rooms which they could use if needed.
One dad (of a girl old enough to change on her own) went ballistic because there were a couple of boys in the girls' changing rooms with their mothers. They were pre-pubescent, so it shouldn't really have been an issue, and there was an individual cubicle his daughter could use if she was bothered. But it really did help that the swim school had a clear policy, because other parents could point him at that.