To be bothered by this comment re extended breastfeeding?

[bingbangbing]

Possibly being a bit sensitive but it has slightly changed how I view someone I considered a friend.

Met up with a mum friend i hadn't seen in awhile. General chat about how our kids were doing, sleeping, nursery etc

She asked how long I breastfed my son for, I answered truthfully that we stopped when he was two.

Her reply was well "it clearly didn't do him any harm!" And burst out laughing.

AIBU to find this a bit hurtful?

Thanks. I’ll bear that in mind. Don’t want to offend anyone.
If you do a google, though, extended breastfeeding is generally defined as going past the 12 month stage - on Wikipedia amongst other sites.
It could be called extended not because it goes beyond natural term, but because it goes beyond a society’s norm or average too, possibly?

BTW I did actually BF 3 of my 5 DC for more than a year myself. Can’t say I was too bothered by what anyone called or thought about it!

I would interpret that as he looks good on it, not a dig at all

Thanks. I’ll bear that in mind. Don’t want to offend anyone.
If you do a google, though, extended breastfeeding is generally defined as going past the 12 month stage - on Wikipedia amongst other sites.
It could be called extended not because it goes beyond natural term, but because it goes beyond a society’s norm or average too, possibly?

BTW I did actually BF 3 of my 5 DC for more than a year myself. Can’t say I was too bothered by what anyone called or thought about it!

Oops, sorry... no idea what happened there!

Yeah I reckon it's commonly called extended because it goes past our society's norm, for sure. But our society is a minority and it's only really since Victorian times (so very recently, in human history) that we started weaning... prematurely? Our society is not really set up for natural term weaning nowadays, with our work set-ups etc. But it's good to remember all that, from time-to-time, and challenge our current society's expectations by calling it 'natural-term weaning'! DS self-weaned at 4.5. It was just a bed time feed for the last couple of years, for comfort. I am not a 'hippy' mum, just a lazy, path of least resistance mum, and as it didn't bother me I had no compelling reason to cut it short. Plus I don't give a shit what others think of me

I would interpret that as he looks good on it, not a dig at all

That comment wasn’t a dig. She was supporting you.

Your comments about ‘hippy’ mothers and ‘career driven’ mothers and different ‘approaches’ (approaches FFS. We’re all just doing what suits us best!) is definitely offensive. You might believe people go to stereotypes naturally but actually they don’t. You’re accusing your friend of exactly what you’re doing to her.

From, the sling wearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping mother with a full-time career

That comment wasn’t a dig. She was supporting you.

Your comments about ‘hippy’ mothers and ‘career driven’ mothers and different ‘approaches’ (approaches FFS. We’re all just doing what suits us best!) is definitely offensive. You might believe people go to stereotypes naturally but actually they don’t. You’re accusing your friend of exactly what you’re doing to her.

From, the sling wearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping mother with a full-time career

I think she meant it as a positive thing. Presumably you’re friends? In my book friends are generally nice and supportive of each other. What reason has she given you to assume it was some sort of dig? She literally said it did your child no harm, aka it was good for them. I’m confused how you’d take offence to someone giving you a verbal pat on the back?

Classic AIBU thread.

You are being unreasonable by asking us if something was offensive and judgey, my being offensive and judgey 😳.

A sling wearing hippy mum who is completing her masters with a two year old 😉

Why are stereotypes offensive now?

They're real. They exist. Most of us are roughly aligned to one of them.

I know I'm a stereotype in many ways.

Most people are.

It's the use of the word "hippy", isn't it? Hippies are out of fashion at the moment.

"Natural" is not a term that should be used in health advice. It's too loaded.

@bingbangbing it's not the use of the word hippy - it's the suggestion that you can either be a hippy, sling wearing, breastfeeding mum or a career mum. They're not mutually exclusive and you can be a hippy sling wearing formula feeding mum, and can breastfeed for 3 years while holding down a great career.

I fed my daughter till she was 2.5 (when DS2 was born). She was mix fed from the day she was born.

She is now 20.

I mentioned this to a colleague today who has a 2 year old and she pretended to retch.

Sad.

It's not health advice. It's talking about breastfeeding experiences. And it's natural-term, not fucking homeopathy. That's not loaded with anything. 'Extended', however, is. It's ludicrous to try and be defensive about your position whilst using language that does the opposite and perpetuates the taboo.

I think you are being over sensitive. Extended bf is a choice that you made based on what you felt was right for your dc. Nothing wrong with that and you shouldn't be shamed for it. However, you shouldn't stereotype either, because stereotypes are ways of putting people into boxes and that can be dangerous. I bf, I coslept, used a sling, had drug free birth (with dd2, dd1 was more complex and I had an epidural), but I also took shared parental leave to allow dh to experience being a full time dad. I work ft and probably come across as 'career driven'. In reality, its just how I pay for the stuff my kids need and want.
As a supporter and advocate of bf I get really sick of the pearl clutching that occurs when someone decides they have been 'shamed' for bf. Of course, sometimes an ignorant moron makes a comment, but in my bf experience the only time I ever had anyone make a comment was when people commented positively or asked me if I needed anything. I got plenty of judgy comments when I gave milk in a bottle though. (Either expressed milk with dd2 or formula with dd1 after I had lactation failure.) There was a social media post doing the rounds the other day of a woman sat in the middle of the shop floor bfing a 3 year old who was 'hungry and couldn't wait'. People complained only because they struggled to get past her. A 3 year old absolutely could wait long enough to be able to feed in a more appropriate place - like a cafe or a bench. But no, the negativity was about shaming bf. When, actually it wasnt.

Because you’re lumping people in a box based on your own perceptions and judgements/prejudices. That’s why it’s offensive. If you feel that you are a stereotype, crack on but you don’t get to stereotype others. Especially when you’re way off the mark.

Honestly, you’re just exuding ignorance and small mindedness here. I feel really sorry for your friend.

Only I didn't suggest any such thing, quite the opposite.

"Natural" is incredibly loaded but also meaningless.

Which is why advertisements use it so much.

Natural is synonymous with good, which is utter bollox as dying of sepsis is perfectly natural too.

Homeopathy is about as natural as a packet of wine gums.

But we do generally fit into or at least roughly align to various boxes.

It's called culture.

You’re missing the point.

Whether ‘boxes’ exist or not, you don’t get to choose who goes in which one.

Stereotypes are not 'culture'. Unless you think we live in a world where all French people wear berets, eats frogs legs and constantly exclaim 'Zut alore!'

@bingbangbing stereotypes and culture are very different.

Your friend is likely to come from the same culture as you yet you're stereotyping the two of you very differently

IF this is the worst comment you’ve had then think yourself lucky, my mum said “people would laugh at you if they knew you was still breastfeeding” when my son was 2.

*But we do generally fit into or at least roughly align to various boxes"
Only to a point, but most people will fall on a continuum with pick and mix from different boxes, so presenting disagreements as a black and white, us Vs them set up is going to get backs up.

From a sling wearing, breastfeeding, career woman who has decided to take a longer maternity leave than originally planned.

I'm not missing anything at all.

This reminds me of my teenage self insisting that I wasn't a goth, while listening to sisters of mercy and wearing black lipstick!

What is offensive about being call a hippy? Or career driven? Are they bad things to be? Insults? No?

What's the problem then?