To be bothered by this comment re extended breastfeeding?

[bingbangbing]

Possibly being a bit sensitive but it has slightly changed how I view someone I considered a friend.

Met up with a mum friend i hadn't seen in awhile. General chat about how our kids were doing, sleeping, nursery etc

She asked how long I breastfed my son for, I answered truthfully that we stopped when he was two.

Her reply was well "it clearly didn't do him any harm!" And burst out laughing.

AIBU to find this a bit hurtful?

I can see why you took her comment that way - in context I might have felt the same.

However PPs are right about your “hippy/sling” vs “career-driven” divisive comment - I am heading towards tandem feeding a toddler plus newborn, and have always used slings, and I am extremely career-driven too. The divisions are artificial and you’re buying into something that pits mothers against each other unnecessarily

I wouldn’t worry. I know it’s hard - breastfeeding is quite a personal thing (in the sense that every woman has different feelings about it) so there will always be clashes.
I stopped breastfeeding about 6 months ago and was talking to a colleague about needing to buy a new bikini because my breasts never went back to their original size. She knows how old my son is and so obviously figured out that I must have stopped just before he turned two. She looked slightly appalled and then said “I saw this woman on the tv who was still breasting her child at FOUR, I mean can you believe it”
I didn’t say anything and walked away. Mainly because if we hadn’t been forced to stop I reckon I would probably still be going! And also, I know a few people who still BF when their child was 4 and I see nothing wrong with it.
Point is though, I am secure enough in my own choices as a mother to not let somebody else’s opinion affect me. I appreciate that not everyone is though

It sounds like a complement but maybe her tone felt wrong to you?
I breastfed all of mine until they were 2.

I have found that there is a view among some women that women who breastfeed over 1 year are doing it for selfish reasons and to create a pseudo reliance on the mother. I did it for 6 weeks and it was a blessed release when I stopped. So the other Mum may have thought that it hasn't had any negative effect on your child i.e. that he/she is not overly reliant on you.

@ReallyLilyReally when I had children over 10 years ago I was advised to breast feed up til 6 months. My sister managed a year, this was classed as extended breast feeding by her midwife at the time. Guidelines change all of the time, for the better usually.

I thought she meant it in a positive way. Like those who berate extended breastfeeding are wrong because your son is happy and healthy.

So how long did she breastfeed for? You know it's possible to breastfeed and wear a sling and be career driven, don't you?

It's not "extended" breastfeeding anyway, you aren't extending anything.
People who stop at 6 months of breastfeeding are cutting it short.

UK is extremely weird about BF past a year. I live abroad now and nobody blinks an eye if my 17mo wants to feed whereas I remember getting the fear/overly self conscious when DS1 wanted to feed at this age in the UK.

So, I think what she meant is "Some people would be judgemental, and you might expect me to be, but I want to express that even though we have different parenting styles I'm supportive".

A bit clunky and wouldn't need to be said if the culture wasn't as hostile towards it. But I honestly think she meant the opposite of criticism!

I think your being over sensitive.

Why would she be jealous. Weird comment.
I have had to read that I am feeding my child poison because I don't breast feed. the reason why is no one's business. Why women do this to other women I cannot fathom. To get self validation for their own choices or lack of them? In the end you have to get a thick skin and get on with it. Ignore.

The fact she burst out laughing would piss me off.

Well you were badly advised then Beautiful3
The UK Dept of Health changed its guidelines in 2003 to come into line with the WHO guidance published 2 or 3 years earlier and it hasn't changed since then, The recommendation is exclusive breastfeeding to 6 months (ie no other fluids or food of any kind) followed by continued breastfeeding as part of a mixed diet to 2 years, or longer if mother and child wish.
A midwife who describes breastfeeding a 12 month old as extended breastfeeding is clearly not very well educated on the subject.

Yes OP it’s over-sensitive of you, but that’s because you (and I) are in a serious minority in this country. It’s usual to feel a bit more sensitive when absolutely no one else around you is doing the same thing. I think the comment was well-meant and I wouldn’t think anything of it.

People are extremely ignorant in the UK re breastfeeding.

@BertieBotts

Where do you live now? I haven’t fed DS in public since he hit 1 as I was too embarrassed about people’s reactions! Very jealous you’ve found somewhere more enlightened

Didn’t sound like a putdown to me.

It is something outside her comfort zone, by the sounds. Nothing to be offended by, OP. She just replied with an off the cuff comment and a laugh as many people do when responding to something outside their usual experience.

You are being very oversensitive.

It's an expression that's widely used to be complimentary!

'Well it hasn't done you any harm!'

It's weird that she asked how long you bf for. It's no one's business
If people only chatted about things that were only about their buisness conversation would be soon end!

Is your child big and healthy? It sounds like a compliment when written down? I’m sensitive to milk/feeding comments now my little one is on formula (I had to stop breastfeeding for health/medication reasons). No one has meant to be insulting, it’s just that some comments have touched a nerve and that’s my own problem not theirs.

I don't read it negatively at all (I did extended bf with both mine too) if anything, it maybe reads as if someone had criticised extended bf TO her, she disagreed, and you were validating her (positive) opinion on it

Ok maybe I was being over sensitive.

(I'm ignoring those trying to turn this into a bollox argument about different approaches- who gives a shit. Those slagging off any particular approach can fuck off and fuck off some more )

It's not the norm to breastfeed up to toddler age so I think it was a cross between surprise and saying well he looks well. Different strokes for different folks

I didn’t read it as offensive.

🤷‍♀️

Sort of thing I might say if said child was running around like a nutter, full of beans and getting into mischief. Was he being particularly energetic?

As @speakout says, I’ve had much worse - the inevitable comments that I somehow gain sexual gratification from feeding my toddler. I always wonder if it is considered ‘wrong’ because he is a boy?