To be bothered by this comment re extended breastfeeding?

[bingbangbing]

Possibly being a bit sensitive but it has slightly changed how I view someone I considered a friend.

Met up with a mum friend i hadn't seen in awhile. General chat about how our kids were doing, sleeping, nursery etc

She asked how long I breastfed my son for, I answered truthfully that we stopped when he was two.

Her reply was well "it clearly didn't do him any harm!" And burst out laughing.

AIBU to find this a bit hurtful?

Yabu

I wan’t there, so I don’t know the tone of voice she used or her body language and maybe there was something in that that coloured your perception. But the words themselves are a clear compliment.

The phrase isn’t supposed to mean he could have been harmed by it but luckily he wasn’t - it just means he’s thrived. It’s sometimes a veiled acknowledgement of something having results better than social conventions would suggest, but not always.

Her laughter after perhaps indicates surprise - but that isn’t a criticism of breastfeeding. If she didn’t breastfeed for so long maybe she is now wondering if she should have.

Unless there was something nasty in her tone I think you’ve just misunderstood her. You fed your child well and he thrived. She’s acknowledged that.

I breast fed for 6 months, had to give it up because the expressing while she was with her dad (to keep up supply) was taking up my only free time to do anything washing cleaning or see anyone (single mum)

Everyone is different, I’m actually not keen on this whole hippy my baby is my life now and all I will talk about mums. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Your friend sounds like she’d be more fun to have a cocktail with!
Children grow up, and move out. What will all the hippy mums do then? Go back to their old friends who’ve Nurtured their other friendships and family members... think you’ll suddenly be more interesting...

Not meaning to be this rude but hippy mums get my goat, I have nothing against extended breast feeding, but it’s like people who weren’t hippy in the slightest suddenly are because they breast feed? I don’t get it. Also I’m going to a group today and they’ll be hippy bead wearing mums literally only talking about their precious snow flakes.

OP, I’m breastfeeding my 3 year old and have had worse comments than this. I’m happy with my decision and feel it’s the right one for us, so I don’t care what anyone has to say about it.

Why are those stereotypes offensive?

The 'snowflakes' thing is offensive.

It's a lazy, shitty term.

Natural-term feeding, if you waited for him to self-wean. I hate the term extended breastfeeding. That implies it's been unnaturally extended. My son self-weaned at 4.5. I developed a thick skin to comments (from those who asked as not many people knew, given it was a once-a-day at bedtime feed for the last couple of years). This comment wouldn't have made me bat an eye.

Who knows exactly what she meant? It's clearly not an outright malicious comment. People (including you most likely) make throwaways comments like this all the time. She may have thought at the time "god, why did I say that?" or "what a healthy looking kid, maybe it was all that breast milk" or something entirely different. If she's a friend and not usually judgemental you'd do yourself a favour by interpreting this comment in the most positive way. I certainly hope that my friends cut me that kind of slack when I say something without thinking it fully through.

Seriously? You are reading way to much into that.

How is that a bad comment?? HUGE overreaction.

I think you are way overreacting to an innocent comment- it means he looks healthy and robust, whats wrong with that?

Life is going to be very hard for you if you take every comment deeply personally to mean something bad/negative about you.

Sounds like a positive comment to me. Think you're overthinking it.

Erm... I too think you've turned a compliment into a personal slur! Which I thought was a weird thing to do to a friend, until I read the way you described the two of you!

You've done more than use a stereotype as shorthand. You've mentally labelled her as deficient in 'hippydom' and so she must have been making a nasty comment.

Even with just your version of events I read that as "Given all the weirdness about extended breastfeeding it is absolutely clear that it has done you child no harm, so it must be utter bollocks. You have proved that point!"

But you prefer it to have been a snarky comment. Why is that, do you think?

You're suggesting that career driven women don't share your approach to parenting in that they don't breastfeed or carry their child. You're implying that they're formula fed babies who are not closely connected to their mothers and that somehow your way is superior. I have a career, I co sleep, i did not breast feed for long because my daughter lost so much weight and I was badly advised. Your bc stereotypes are offensive.
But those using snowflakes and "triggered", you sound like Donald Trump Jr, not a good look.

The comment is saying how healthy he looks from it so well done and move on. Once he is 17 and driving his first car on his own You will look back at this time and think why did I get so stressed.

Lots of people are unaccustomed to extended breastfeeding. I've got used to the surprise and "how long will you feed him for?" so I'd probably just see her comment in that way. You've done well. I'm also career-focused, I think it's general parenting style rather than working style that drives the difference between you both. Many people who haven't been lucky enough to establish comfortable breastfeeding still have a similar nurturing parenting style in my experience.

I wouldn't consider breastfeeding until age 2 extended, personally. Mine all weaned themselves at that age, and it had diminished to just a bedtime feed in the last months.

And we all know how good it is for children in so many ways. Your friend's remark was possibly just a throwaway comment. Perhaps she wishes she could have done the same?

She was probably commenting because really extended breastfeeding isn’t necessary and not beneficial for the child. It’s not harmful either mind you, just a bit outside of the norm I guess.

Have you never heard the saying before then? Seriously?

Why is it people have to see offence in everything someone else says... It’s tiresome.

And tbh you sound extremely judgy of her life. How dare she have a career and not spend all her time breastfeeding her babies. I wonder if you’re the one who is jealous? You’ve given so much of your life to your child and you’ve suddenly realised you don’t have an actual life of your own any more.

Maybe you should go back to work?

I’d take it as a joke.

Yeahnah2020 Of course, it's beneficial for the child. It may not be vital for nutrition but it has benefits.

I'm basically your stereotypical sling-wearing hippy and she is more career driven

OP- your comment here could be interpreted as offensive to women who have careers. Are you implying that women who work dont care about breastfeeding? thats really rude and offensive.

See?- we can all take offence if we really want to...

There are so many other things to worry about.

Sorry I took my general hippy mum annoyance out on this thread. (Snow flake comment withdrawn)

Just don’t get the slight on working mums, it is like they’re seen as less connected and close to their young ones.

Anyway back on point! The friend didn’t mean to offend. It reads like a compliment.

Surely breastfeeding at 2 isnt "extended breastfeeding"?? The guidelines (WHO, i think) say best practice is EBF to 6m and then alongside family foods til 2y and beyond. Extended breastfeeding would be 3y, 4y etc.

I also think you're massively overreacting, and your snide comment about her being career driven implies that you think she's a lesser mum for going back to work. Which, i must say, is a truly awful look for you, and something i (as a working, breastfeeding mother) find incredibly offensive.

I also reckon it was a compliment. A couple of others have asked but you haven't answered - is your son large for his age? I don't necessarily mean fat, but tall and sturdy looking?