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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think who eats a family meal to themselves?!

588 replies

GimmeTheSnacks · 05/02/2020 23:44

I made a meal this evening ready for tomorrow as the chicken needed cooking. It was cooling down on the side before putting it in the fridge. The next thing I know dp is home from work then walks in with a huge plate of it. It looked like a lot so I asked if he'd reheated the whole thing to which he replied "no I've saved ds (5) some as I know how much he likes it". I explained it was for tea tomorrow and he said I should have told him when he got home.

He has enough common sense to know I will have cooked it for another days meal so this was just so selfish. He can be selfish with food in terms of snacks but he's never done it with a meal before. There were 4 chicken breasts in it ffs!

Aibu to think this was out of order and selfish?

OP posts:
PersephoneandHades · 06/02/2020 09:15

OP, maybe all these people telling you off for being upset could set up a community effort and cook to make sure your DH always has a warm, home cooked meal an arms reach away at all times!

Problem solved Smile

LisBethSalander07 · 06/02/2020 09:16

I hope you're not going to cook for him tonight seeing as he's already had his share.

DH does this if I do any baking - he's a greedy pig and will eat a whole cake in 2 days so I have to literally hide it for anyone else to get a slice of it.

It's really thoughtless. I'd be fuming.

BarbaraofSeville · 06/02/2020 09:16

The size of a pack of rice is probably intended to serve two when you're having curry with other sides, so you'd have a small portion of rice, some naan, onion hajis or samosas and your curry.

Half a pack is not a huge amount to have with just curry, but we don't eat it like that anyway, so it's better just to have a small amount, so there's room for the other things.

PlanDeRaccordement · 06/02/2020 09:16

If OP had left a note by the food left in the kitchen, then I’d agree he was selfish. But food just abandoned in the kitchen is usually free for the eating to most people. If she wanted it to be reserved, she should have put a note by it.

QuimReaper · 06/02/2020 09:18

@Hadtoask he reheats a huge batch cook and then takes some and puts the rest back hot in fridge. So I’ve had to throw out hours worth of cooking

Why on earth do you throw away the rest?! Confused Is it because you've already got the meals worked out for the next 7 days or something and won't get a chance to eat it before it goes bad?

PlanDeRaccordement · 06/02/2020 09:18

“Suggesting HE sort out dinner next time because he ate theirs is hardly a "lynching" FFS.”

No, but I do think it’s a childish suggestion to make. It escalates a minor miscommunication into a grudge match.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/02/2020 09:18

If you’re generally a bit tight with portion sizes, I could see why he would be hungry.

He had his tea at work. Not dinner. Tea. Did you ask him what he had for his tea at work ? It might not have been that substantial.

He comes in at 10pm peckish. Smells the curry, thinks, mmmm, smells delicious assumes (wrongly) it's leftovers and eats it with rice.

How much of a portion of chicken and curry sauce did he leave for the child ? So, he WAS sharing it, in his own way.

It's not on to call a hungry person greedy. Why the shame for having an appetite ?

I bet if he had got a take a way curry that would have been wrong too.

I suspect distrust is creeping into this relationship.

billy1966 · 06/02/2020 09:19

Such selfishness.

Only a right selfish pig of a man, would come in at 21.15 at night, find a cooling meal and consume most of it, while his working partner is upstairs tending to three children under 5.

Absolutely selfish pig.

I'm sure that's not the only example of him being a waste of space the OP could give.

It's so sad to read just how low the standards of behaviour some women feel comfortable defending.

Big sympathy OP, you have a right prize there.💐

MimiLaRue · 06/02/2020 09:19

No, but I do think it’s a childish suggestion to make

Childish? on the contrary- I think its the adult thing to do. You ate someone's meal- you replace it. Thats being an adult. If I ate someone's entire dinner I would replace it for them. Taking responsibility for your actions is the ultimate in adulthood

LettertoHermoine · 06/02/2020 09:20

The name calling is unnecessary Greedy, Selfish Pig, Inconsiderate Arsehole etc... He ate a curry meant for tomorrow, he didn't sacrifice and eat his first born!

DobbinOnTheLA · 06/02/2020 09:20

So now a chicken curry that contains 4 chicken breasts has been carelessly abandoned in the kitchen of all places? Unlabelled to boot! Of Scandalous.

Obviously it should be left to cool somewhere like the doorstep or ensuite bathroom.

IceniSky · 06/02/2020 09:21

If you think about it, this thread shows how happy people are to over consume. Not only does it show people think it is perfectly acceptable to stuff an entire dinner for 4 into their mouths as a snack, it also demonstrates it doesnt matter about the additional packaging, the additional slaughter of live stock, the additional processing that goes with over consumption. No wonder the world is where it is. Sickening really. People need to stop and think.

Nogoodusername · 06/02/2020 09:22

I’d be so upset. You work, you are probably still in the thick of sleep deprivation with a 4 month old, not to mention two other small children, managed to get a family meal cooked for the next day, and he’s eaten the meal - despite having already had his that day. I would be asking him to make sure there is a meal cooked for you today

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/02/2020 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ofay · 06/02/2020 09:23

QuimReaper, putting hot food into a fridge is dangerous because it raises the temperature of everything in there. Plus you should never reheat food more than once.

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2020 09:23

It was a completely thoughtless thing to do.

But if you're going to swallow this old chestnut.... He doesn't cook as he's shit at it so he does the washing up and I cook., then it's not surprising.

No-one is brilliant at cooking when they first start out, it's practice that makes them get better.

If he cooked at least some of the family meals on a regular basis, I doubt he would have done this without thinking about tomorrow's dinner.

Original poster
GimmeTheSnacks · 06/02/2020 09:24

If you’re generally a bit tight with portion sizes, I could see why he would be hungry. I'm not....as I already said I cook normal rice from a big pack in a pan. I always cook more than we need.

OP posts:
ElloBrian · 06/02/2020 09:25

So what has he said about this when you raised it with him OP? And what is his plan for feeding you all tonight?

TypingoftheDead · 06/02/2020 09:25

I'd be pissed off, too - it's not even about the cost, more his attitude to the effort put into a family meal. It also bothers me that he paused to consider one of his children while dishing up, but not the other child and his wife. Why?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/02/2020 09:26

PlanDeRaccordement

Two things

  1. He had already eaten a meal at 8pm
  2. It’s not about ladylike portions - he ate far more than most men would (DS1 is a 16 year old, 6ft 2 rugby forward who trains most days - even he wouldn’t eat as much as that)
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 06/02/2020 09:26

It escalates a minor miscommunication into a grudge match.

That depends. If it was just a "minor miscommunication" then as soon as I told him my DH would apologise profusely for my wasted work and for the fact that I'd have to cook again tomorrow after my work (maybe not for the expense, as we can afford it) He would exactly understand why I was upset, and do what he could to make up for it and make sure it didn't happen again.

If he didn't understand what the problem was then we'd be in grudge match territory.

Poorolddaddypig · 06/02/2020 09:26

You obviously have different ideas about portion size. Needing to eat larger portions isn’t selfish or greedy. He obviously thought you had already eaten your dinner (and that your son had eaten too, from what it sounds like) so clearly the portions you’re cooking are too small.

ofay · 06/02/2020 09:26

Did he explain what he thought he was eating OP?

Brefugee · 06/02/2020 09:26

I'd be really cross because everyone knows that curry tastes better on the 2nd day.
I'd also be cross that he apparently favours one child (also the penis bonus child)

TBH I'd write it off but there would be beans on toast for me and the kids today and he would have to get his own.

Having said that, we tend to meal plan at the weekend for the coming week because we need to check who will be there etc etc. OP any chance of telling him to pay attention and then tell him what's what?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/02/2020 09:27

Is he very overweight? My DP can put food away with the best of them, but even he'd struggle with a massive pot of curry (4 chicken breasts and veg!) and a full packet or rice after having eaten another meal.

Agree it's greedy, inconsiderate and thoughtless. I hope he has apologised.